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BPDSora
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Default Mar 16, 2020 at 12:25 PM
  #1
Is it normal to get severely depressed and sad and upset because my boyfriend doesn't have time for me..

I'm from Italy and because of the coronavirus the whole state is currently in lockdown, so I won't be able to see my boyfriend for the next month..

I mean, I get he is working and I totally respect that, but he hasn't even got time for me on Sundays, I have to beg him to just be able to have a 5-minute videochat once a week.
I just don't understand how that is possible, I'd use every free minute I got to call him, he just always says he doesn't have time for me, but is it really possible for a person to not find literally just 5 minutes of spare time during the day to talk with their significant other..
I don't have any doubt on the fact he loves me, but I just really don't understand this..
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winter4me
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Default Mar 16, 2020 at 01:55 PM
  #2
The severity is not usual. What do you do when you get "severely depressed and sad and upset"? If you are contacting him repeatedly during the day and/or are intense in your conversation it could cause him to back off. It is not normal no matter how close a relationship is to want to "use every free minute I got to call...".
Sounds like a good time to work on your art/photography and other projects.
When someone is at work, especially, it isn't possible to be doing your job and providing someone with lots of reassurance/communication at the same time.
And, if you are calling during work--------he may feel more wiped out when he is off and need time to himself. (You say you don't doubt him----maybe he would agree to call you a couple of times a week if you agreed not to call him first?)

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Thanks for this!
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Default Mar 16, 2020 at 02:08 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
The severity is not usual. What do you do when you get "severely depressed and sad and upset"? If you are contacting him repeatedly during the day and/or are intense in your conversation it could cause him to back off. It is not normal no matter how close a relationship is to want to "use every free minute I got to call...".

Sounds like a good time to work on your art/photography and other projects.

When someone is at work, especially, it isn't possible to be doing your job and providing someone with lots of reassurance/communication at the same time.

And, if you are calling during work--------he may feel more wiped out when he is off and need time to himself. (You say you don't doubt him----maybe he would agree to call you a couple of times a week if you agreed not to call him first?)
Wait, I think I didn't explain myself in the best way!!
Sorry for the misunderstanding, and anyways, thanks for answering!! )

.. I said I WOULD use any possible free minute I have, to call him
But it's not like I actually do!

I never call him myself (because I don't want to bother him), I only text him, and I NEVER keep texting him or contacting him if he doesn't answer!!
I just wait for HIM to answer (which is usually once every 2-3 hours, and just like an emoji or smth), and sometimes ask if he has time for a call, but I never insist.

Also, as I said I never call him anyways, but he works from home, so it's not like I would actually bother him THAT much--and this is also part of the reason I don't understand why, even on SUNDAYS, he never has even just 5 minutes to call me

Thanks for bearing with me, just wanted to make sure I explained myself!! :3

[trigger]
Also, with "severely depressed and sad", I mean that I tend to get suicidal, I feel like I'm not wanted, not useful.. I just start thinking about ways to punish myself, and to make me a bit more "wanted"
[\trigger]
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Default Mar 17, 2020 at 06:09 AM
  #4
((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) Bear with me a bit too, I am old(er) and am one of those few who hasn't upgraded from a flip phone lol.
Anyway---it sounds like you do need to use some coping skills (like mindfulness and art, exercise etal)--do you have a therapist/counselor/Pdoc? If so, do talk with them.
It will be hard for you to put yourself in his place---working from home is sometimes more difficult than working in a place, it takes a lot of self discipline. And please think about it, (and I know, I tend to get pretty depressed when I feel unwanted, even if I can see "logically" it isn't true)---he knows you, and if he cares for you, you are making it harder for him to care---it is exhausting to worry about someone hurting themselves if you don't "love" them or respond--- And feeling suicidal and wanting to punish yourself has the opposite effect of making yourself more wanted/loveable.
So. When do you see him? How does he express his feelings for you? What can you do when you are with him or talking to him that is positive and fun, loving and not clingy? What does he do for you? What else are you doing with your life? It sounds like you have talent and intelligence---I hope it works out for you. (((hang in there))) & practice positive self-talk as silly as it seems it does alter your view in time/with practice. Write down all you strengths, all the GOOD things about you so you can remind yourself of the positive, life-affirming qualities & dreams & actions. I hope also that you have friends you can talk with---

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Last edited by winter4me; Mar 17, 2020 at 06:44 AM..
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Default Mar 19, 2020 at 09:31 PM
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sarahsweets
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Default Mar 20, 2020 at 01:39 AM
  #6
That does not sound like a boyfriend to me. Were things any different before the lockdown?

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Default Mar 21, 2020 at 06:25 AM
  #7
Hello BPDSora, I was impressed to read your post "Boyfriend doesn't have time for me" that you wrote on 3/16/2020. That muat be tough having a boyfriend who is always busy and sometimes calls you. I wish I could make it better over there in Italy. I appreciate your sharing about how you are patient with your boyfriend. What I can understand is you are feeling severely depressed, sad, and upset, is that correct? Is there anything else you want to share that could be causing your being severely depressed, sad, and upset? I think you are reasonable to not overwhelm your boyfriend's time. What do you need right now? Ideas? Examples? Kind regards ---SaraC (I have BPD too.)

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