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TishaBuv
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TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
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Default May 08, 2020 at 02:01 PM
  #1
I have a history of stressed out, hysterical, disastrous holidays, and this is one trait that I feel is BPD.

In my defense, it was never me on the offense. It was my husband and my mother mostly who were controlling or resistant. The essence of what the holidays I’m talking about consisted of were me cooking a festive meal for around ten people to eat in our dining room. It shouldn’t have been that big a deal. It was pleasurable for me to plan, shop, cook, set.

The problem was mostly my husband didn’t want to do it because it means there was some work for him and he didn’t enjoy dealing with my controlling mother. My mother wanted to contribute a lot, came in and started taking over, basically locking heads with my husband.

The BPD reaction I felt I had was I would lose it and start crying and the whole thing would become a scene. (Although, I was able to compose myself by the time the dinner started and all looked fine. The photos were always beautiful!)

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TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2020 at 02:06 PM
  #2
So now another thing just happened that could have ruined Mother’s Day.

My husband said that he was doing something to bring in dinner, which was nice, but I blew up because I’ve gotten upset for this reason before and asked him not to do it. The reason is because by telling me there’s some specific plan, it takes the pleasure out of it for me, and I’ve told him not to do this. I know I sound ungrateful because he said he is bringing dinner, but I’m upset because he just doesn’t understand me no matter how many time I asked him to simply do something, anything, and don’t make a stressful big deal about it.

But I’m on a lot of meds now and after an hour, I have recovered nicely. Only he and our 23 year old son knows I got upset. They will let it go. I’ll need to just let it go and act normal on Mother’s Day and act happy and not be upset.

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. About Me--T
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TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2020 at 02:11 PM
  #3
I do trust my husband and son to just forgive me for having a disorder and understanding and letting it go.

My mother would blast me to smithereens. My sister literally never spoke to me again 1.5 years ago when I asked her to help me by defending me to Mom who was on the war path, slandering me.

If I am emotionally labile, it was never just me surrounded by reasonable people who would give me a break.

Thank God for my son. My husband is impossible, but he meant well. Drama over.

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"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
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TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2020 at 05:31 PM
  #4
Husband brought in the food he made an issue over that prompted this thread. It was delicious and I acted very grateful and happy for it.

Son got other sons to each give me cards too. The semi-estranged son even called me later and we had a nice chat.

It was a nice mother’s day After all.

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. About Me--T
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