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Old 02-08-2018, 08:13 PM #11
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

I hate it i have put on so much weight with this stupid disorder
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Old 03-10-2018, 07:52 AM #12
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

My worst enemy, and best friend, both as one...yup, I know that's f'd up...
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Old 01-13-2019, 05:29 AM #13
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

Black sheep here.


TRIGGER



I have no gag reflex. I am AN-R B/P type. I plan to eat, I also plan whether I'm keeping it down or not. I don't binge but a 'normal' meal equates to that in my case. Sad reality but it is what it is. I throw up very easily and so I don't have the same 'guilt' feeling. All being said, it's not good nor helpful, does not promote a healthy lifestyle nor body and causes malnutrition, among other things. I would mention muscle loss, but...that's what weights are for...
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:19 PM #14
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia (may be triggering)

Quote:
Originally Posted by harmonyinheart View Post
MAY BE TRIGGERING

Bulimia is a horrid disease. I've had an eating disorder for over 17 years-first anorexia when I was 14 and after bulimia amd anorexia-bulimic type. It is not something I like; it abhors me and makes me feel filthy and gluttonous. I recently had a resurgence of the bulimia beginning in March and am starting to get a handle on it finally. It is hard as hell. As bulimia takes hold my anorexic thoughts begin to creeep back in, too and weight loss ensues and then I'm stuck battling both EDs.
Despite my hatred, though, there is that part of me that hasn't been able to let go. The binge/purge cycle, in the moment, provides a reprieve from the anxieties and mood issues (bipolar1) however fleeting,transient, and fugacious it may be. And that is what brings me back. That small frame of time where I feel free from all the terrible things going on.
But again, I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel worthless. I hate having my head in the toilet. I hate that I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the years on food that I just throw up. I hate the lying that underlies all eating disorders. I hate that I don't feel I can ever have a healthy relationship with food.
I could go on. But it is just more negativities.

I wish that we all could move to a healthier place with ourselves and our bodies and food. I truly wish that for all of us who battle against the self, the soul, our very beings, that we can get there.


THANK YOU for posting this. I am in the same boat as far as Anorexia Binge-Purge Type. I spend all day every day with my mind racing back and forth between these two symptoms. It is a disease that I abhore so much, but at the same time, "healthy" life has somehow become even more scary than the disease. I (head-knowledge) know that this thought is a distortion from the ED itself, but the grip of the fear has become to paralyzing I cling to the Anorexia + Bulimia cycle. I would like to think and/or believe that recovery from this sickness, but I am in this black hole and have been for so long I am trapped and blinded by the darkness.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:37 PM #15
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

I hate it, it's a constant battle.

I don't purge anymore as of the past three month (after 6 years of it, so I'm proud to have stopped that) but I still struggled with the bingeing so I reverted to restricting.

I try to hang on to the restricting side and convince myself since I'm not bingeing or purging that I'm doing well but I'm just lying to myself because I don't want want to admit that I'm still engaging in ED behaviors and lose control that I feel from not eating. When I binge I feel horrible about myself, completely disgusted and numb and when I purged I felt horrible about that too, and scared because I started learning about the health issues that can arise from it. I completely screwed up my teeth due to acid erosion and now have Silent GERD from the years of purging. Not huge problems, although frustrating, but I feel lucky that that's all I have and have somewhat escaped the worse dangers of it. Many people end up with much more serious health problems, and even die from it. It's not a way to live, whether bingeing/purging and or restricting. It consumes your life.

I am fighting everyday to get well, some days are better than others. Right now the biggest problem is the internal battle where I don't let myself eat when I'm hungry or not anywhere near enough, even though my body wants food more than anything because I'm depleting it nutritionally.
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Old 02-13-2019, 10:12 PM #16
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I hate it, it's a constant battle.

I don't purge anymore as of the past three month (after 6 years of it, so I'm proud to have stopped that) but I still struggled with the bingeing so I reverted to restricting.

I try to hang on to the restricting side and convince myself since I'm not bingeing or purging that I'm doing well but I'm just lying to myself because I don't want want to admit that I'm still engaging in ED behaviors and lose control that I feel from not eating. When I binge I feel horrible about myself, completely disgusted and numb and when I purged I felt horrible about that too, and scared because I started learning about the health issues that can arise from it. I completely screwed up my teeth due to acid erosion and now have Silent GERD from the years of purging. Not huge problems, although frustrating, but I feel lucky that that's all I have and have somewhat escaped the worse dangers of it. Many people end up with much more serious health problems, and even die from it. It's not a way to live, whether bingeing/purging and or restricting. It consumes your life.

I am fighting everyday to get well, some days are better than others. Right now the biggest problem is the internal battle where I don't let myself eat when I'm hungry or not anywhere near enough, even though my body wants food more than anything because I'm depleting it nutritionally.



OMG I cannot BELIEVE that someone else is going through EXACTLY what I am. Because my B/P is so bad, I end up restricting to not B/P, which is then just as bad and essentially the same thing. So a "good" day for me is a day that I (just) restrict and don't B/P. So any way I look at it, I'm failing. Which I then beat myself up about, which then spirals me into a full out B/P. AGHHH. I am now 11 yrs into this (first 5 years over-exercising, restricting, and laxatives, last 6 yrs no exercising or laxatives, but B/P and restricting). "Rock bottom" is every single freaking day. I'm still searching for help, but when it comes down to it, I've just resided to given in to the sickness b/c it's easier mentally/emotionally to deal with the demon of the disorder than the demons in my head. Honestly, I can't imagine managing/getting through my life without the ED.
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Old 02-14-2019, 02:13 AM #17
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

I was bulimic for many years and then quit one day when I had a realization why I did it. I was "normal" for many years and then in then I became a binge eater without purging even tho I could. I wanted to start purging again at one point and tried and nothing would come up. One therapist I saw told me that at some point it wouldn't work any more and she was right. I now am eating normally a great deal of the time and once in awhile have a short lapse and eat too much but not to the point of being a binge eater any longer.

When I was bulimic it was awful. I felt terrible ashamed and disgusted with myself. Glad that is over with.
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Old 05-07-2019, 03:56 AM #18
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Default Re: do u like or hate bulimia

Hate it! I've always had an eating disorder but never over ate until I started purging... IDKW...
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