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kazza34
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Default Jul 03, 2016 at 07:31 AM
  #1
i have bulimia but i used to be anorexic,i hate being bulimic, i hate losing control and bingeing ,i hate the fact at one time i could go with out food or eat very little, i feel disgusted with myself for bingeing and full of shame and guilt, promising myself never again, but the cravings ,the urges,the emotions and the constant thoughts that i have to binge over take, i try ignoring them but they just get stronger, i have been to many eating disorder forums and some actually like being bulimic,they post pictures of their binge foods and congratulate each other, the more binge foods they have the more the picture is liked,so i am wondering who here actually likes being bulimic and who hates it
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Default Jul 05, 2016 at 03:56 PM
  #2
I think bulimia is an illness and I do not like any illness
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Default Sep 05, 2016 at 09:50 PM
  #3
Those sound like they are Pro Mia forums and they can be extremely dangerous. I highly recommend steering clear of any Pro Mia and Pro Ana websites for your own health and safety.

I absolutely hate bulimia. I hate binging. I hate purging. I wouldn't wish it on the world even if I did bring it upon myself.

Be strong!
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Default Sep 15, 2016 at 01:22 AM
  #4
I hate eating disorders. But like any addiction, it starts out feeling like a solution or a relief, or a way to escape, then it takes over and becomes a trap, a viscious cycle, and a way to feel like crap about myself for winding up in the same place yet again!
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Default Nov 02, 2016 at 11:30 AM
  #5
I totally agree with you. I don't like it at all but I get triggerd so easily into helping me cope with things I can handle I can't change I can't control. It makes me feel better to be able to control and handle something. Then I get the cravings and want to eat wether I binge eat or have "bad food" I feel so guilty and yes it starts all over agai. I've been dealing with this since I was in middle school I've had my ups and downs seemed over time it got worse worse I also had other health issues that kind covers up the damage I know I had done to myself . I had one mahout problem my junior year of highschool and ended up in the hospital for being Mel nutritious but I didn't get official diagnosed to 2 years ago.
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Default Feb 01, 2017 at 11:27 AM
  #6
You feel a sense of calm and as if everything is in the clear and no more worries until the endorphins from the purge wears off and we are baxk to the beginning of regret, body shaming, and emotional pain.. I understand all comments I'm in the same boat 😢
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Default Jun 18, 2017 at 04:55 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by kazza34 View Post
i have bulimia but i used to be anorexic,i hate being bulimic, i hate losing control and bingeing ,i hate the fact at one time i could go with out food or eat very little, i feel disgusted with myself for bingeing and full of shame and guilt, promising myself never again, but the cravings ,the urges,the emotions and the constant thoughts that i have to binge over take, i try ignoring them but they just get stronger, i have been to many eating disorder forums and some actually like being bulimic,they post pictures of their binge foods and congratulate each other, the more binge foods they have the more the picture is liked,so i am wondering who here actually likes being bulimic and who hates it
I HATE my illness... I hate it.. I don't want it... It has been my crutch since I was 12... It has been my so called friend.. But it isn't... It has taken my life away... These people may think they like it but as they get older they will see the destruction it has caused them.. I am still trying to control it... I have been in treatments and hospitals and lost a marriage, ( much much more... ).. Careers... I am sick all the time... I feel crazy.. My life revolves around the toilet ... I feel suicidal a lot because of it... I want it gone... I work with my therapist and DR weekly now... NO.. I don't want it
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Default Jun 26, 2017 at 12:15 AM
  #8
Such a good question and mostly I hate it....I'm recovering, well, mainly. Brings me to second point, at times, its be my oldest, best friend and it's the only thing which makes me get through the day....it's wrong, I do know it's wrong, yet, whilst your in its grip, highly addictive.

Last edited by Anonymous50010; Jun 26, 2017 at 12:44 AM..
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Exclamation Jul 25, 2017 at 10:29 AM
  #9
MAY BE TRIGGERING

Bulimia is a horrid disease. I've had an eating disorder for over 17 years-first anorexia when I was 14 and after bulimia amd anorexia-bulimic type. It is not something I like; it abhors me and makes me feel filthy and gluttonous. I recently had a resurgence of the bulimia beginning in March and am starting to get a handle on it finally. It is hard as hell. As bulimia takes hold my anorexic thoughts begin to creeep back in, too and weight loss ensues and then I'm stuck battling both EDs.
Despite my hatred, though, there is that part of me that hasn't been able to let go. The binge/purge cycle, in the moment, provides a reprieve from the anxieties and mood issues (bipolar1) however fleeting,transient, and fugacious it may be. And that is what brings me back. That small frame of time where I feel free from all the terrible things going on.
But again, I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel worthless. I hate having my head in the toilet. I hate that I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the years on food that I just throw up. I hate the lying that underlies all eating disorders. I hate that I don't feel I can ever have a healthy relationship with food.
I could go on. But it is just more negativities.

I wish that we all could move to a healthier place with ourselves and our bodies and food. I truly wish that for all of us who battle against the self, the soul, our very beings, that we can get there.
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Default Aug 28, 2017 at 05:43 PM
  #10
Hate it with a passion....everyday seems to be the day I promise myself I'm going to stop....unfortunately addictions aren't that easy to kick without help.

Much worse in anxious and stressful times...
I think I'm a hopeless case though after doing this on and off for 40 years.....insidious addiction
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Default Feb 08, 2018 at 09:13 PM
  #11
I hate it i have put on so much weight with this stupid disorder
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Default Mar 10, 2018 at 08:52 AM
  #12
My worst enemy, and best friend, both as one...yup, I know that's f'd up...
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Default Jan 13, 2019 at 06:29 AM
  #13
Black sheep here.

TRIGGER


I have no gag reflex. I am AN-R B/P type. I plan to eat, I also plan whether I'm keeping it down or not. I don't binge but a 'normal' meal equates to that in my case. Sad reality but it is what it is. I throw up very easily and so I don't have the same 'guilt' feeling. All being said, it's not good nor helpful, does not promote a healthy lifestyle nor body and causes malnutrition, among other things. I would mention muscle loss, but...that's what weights are for...
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Default Feb 13, 2019 at 08:19 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by harmonyinheart View Post
MAY BE TRIGGERING

Bulimia is a horrid disease. I've had an eating disorder for over 17 years-first anorexia when I was 14 and after bulimia amd anorexia-bulimic type. It is not something I like; it abhors me and makes me feel filthy and gluttonous. I recently had a resurgence of the bulimia beginning in March and am starting to get a handle on it finally. It is hard as hell. As bulimia takes hold my anorexic thoughts begin to creeep back in, too and weight loss ensues and then I'm stuck battling both EDs.
Despite my hatred, though, there is that part of me that hasn't been able to let go. The binge/purge cycle, in the moment, provides a reprieve from the anxieties and mood issues (bipolar1) however fleeting,transient, and fugacious it may be. And that is what brings me back. That small frame of time where I feel free from all the terrible things going on.
But again, I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel worthless. I hate having my head in the toilet. I hate that I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the years on food that I just throw up. I hate the lying that underlies all eating disorders. I hate that I don't feel I can ever have a healthy relationship with food.
I could go on. But it is just more negativities.

I wish that we all could move to a healthier place with ourselves and our bodies and food. I truly wish that for all of us who battle against the self, the soul, our very beings, that we can get there.


THANK YOU for posting this. I am in the same boat as far as Anorexia Binge-Purge Type. I spend all day every day with my mind racing back and forth between these two symptoms. It is a disease that I abhore so much, but at the same time, "healthy" life has somehow become even more scary than the disease. I (head-knowledge) know that this thought is a distortion from the ED itself, but the grip of the fear has become to paralyzing I cling to the Anorexia + Bulimia cycle. I would like to think and/or believe that recovery from this sickness, but I am in this black hole and have been for so long I am trapped and blinded by the darkness.
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Default Feb 13, 2019 at 08:37 PM
  #15
I hate it, it's a constant battle.

I don't purge anymore as of the past three month (after 6 years of it, so I'm proud to have stopped that) but I still struggled with the bingeing so I reverted to restricting.

I try to hang on to the restricting side and convince myself since I'm not bingeing or purging that I'm doing well but I'm just lying to myself because I don't want want to admit that I'm still engaging in ED behaviors and lose control that I feel from not eating. When I binge I feel horrible about myself, completely disgusted and numb and when I purged I felt horrible about that too, and scared because I started learning about the health issues that can arise from it. I completely screwed up my teeth due to acid erosion and now have Silent GERD from the years of purging. Not huge problems, although frustrating, but I feel lucky that that's all I have and have somewhat escaped the worse dangers of it. Many people end up with much more serious health problems, and even die from it. It's not a way to live, whether bingeing/purging and or restricting. It consumes your life.

I am fighting everyday to get well, some days are better than others. Right now the biggest problem is the internal battle where I don't let myself eat when I'm hungry or not anywhere near enough, even though my body wants food more than anything because I'm depleting it nutritionally.

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Default Feb 13, 2019 at 11:12 PM
  #16
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I hate it, it's a constant battle.

I don't purge anymore as of the past three month (after 6 years of it, so I'm proud to have stopped that) but I still struggled with the bingeing so I reverted to restricting.

I try to hang on to the restricting side and convince myself since I'm not bingeing or purging that I'm doing well but I'm just lying to myself because I don't want want to admit that I'm still engaging in ED behaviors and lose control that I feel from not eating. When I binge I feel horrible about myself, completely disgusted and numb and when I purged I felt horrible about that too, and scared because I started learning about the health issues that can arise from it. I completely screwed up my teeth due to acid erosion and now have Silent GERD from the years of purging. Not huge problems, although frustrating, but I feel lucky that that's all I have and have somewhat escaped the worse dangers of it. Many people end up with much more serious health problems, and even die from it. It's not a way to live, whether bingeing/purging and or restricting. It consumes your life.

I am fighting everyday to get well, some days are better than others. Right now the biggest problem is the internal battle where I don't let myself eat when I'm hungry or not anywhere near enough, even though my body wants food more than anything because I'm depleting it nutritionally.


OMG I cannot BELIEVE that someone else is going through EXACTLY what I am. Because my B/P is so bad, I end up restricting to not B/P, which is then just as bad and essentially the same thing. So a "good" day for me is a day that I (just) restrict and don't B/P. So any way I look at it, I'm failing. Which I then beat myself up about, which then spirals me into a full out B/P. AGHHH. I am now 11 yrs into this (first 5 years over-exercising, restricting, and laxatives, last 6 yrs no exercising or laxatives, but B/P and restricting). "Rock bottom" is every single freaking day. I'm still searching for help, but when it comes down to it, I've just resided to given in to the sickness b/c it's easier mentally/emotionally to deal with the demon of the disorder than the demons in my head. Honestly, I can't imagine managing/getting through my life without the ED.
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Default Feb 14, 2019 at 03:13 AM
  #17
I was bulimic for many years and then quit one day when I had a realization why I did it. I was "normal" for many years and then in then I became a binge eater without purging even tho I could. I wanted to start purging again at one point and tried and nothing would come up. One therapist I saw told me that at some point it wouldn't work any more and she was right. I now am eating normally a great deal of the time and once in awhile have a short lapse and eat too much but not to the point of being a binge eater any longer.

When I was bulimic it was awful. I felt terrible ashamed and disgusted with myself. Glad that is over with.

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Default May 07, 2019 at 03:56 AM
  #18
Hate it! I've always had an eating disorder but never over ate until I started purging... IDKW...
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Default Aug 21, 2019 at 01:32 PM
  #19
When I 1st started to throw up my food -I liked the comfort the smell made me feel I had a friend. Then I visited my family home and then My mom knew and stopped talking to me for awhile.I then got addicted to vomiting and would not stop myself unless I seen green bile. I hated food in my stomach coz I thought it would make me fat...soon after I started to binge on food that was easy to puke up like potatoes,milk,icecream. I got help from staff and then i only binge eat and puke when I felt stressed not coz it helped me loose weight.it became a mental illness-like a slave to food.

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 05:29 PM
  #20
20 years Bulimic. This therapist has done a better job than the others. I no longer binge I will just purge any meal that causes me to feel "full". If I am careful and eat small meals where I am satisfied and not full it will not trigger me to purge.

Ok well that is not totally true. Sometimes I will purge because I hate myself and think if I am skinner I will be loved.

Ok well that is also not all the facts. Sometimes when triggered and in an emotional flashback I will emotionally eat and then purge it.

I still purge once a week. We have worked on not feeling shame when it happens or beating myself up over it.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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