[captaintaco]

I'm concerned that my wife is bulimic since she has some of the following signs:

• Buys large amounts of food that disappear
• Can't explain missing food
• Skips meals
• Always excuses self from table before others are finished
• Eats only a particular food or food group (e.g., condiments)
• Drinks excessive amounts of liquids
• Isolates self from interactions with family and friends
• Uses excessive amounts of mouthwash, mints, and gum
• Excessive exercise regimens
• I've also seen vomit a few times that she denies will come from her.

She will eat 3/4 of a pan of brownies, a whole bag of Reese's cups, a whole box of cookies, 1/2 a bowl of cookie dough (without baking the cookies), a whole pan of fudge, etc. On Christmas Eve I counted the calories in junk food that she consumed and it was at least 4,000. She spends a ton of time in the bathroom, and has red marks all over her face which I used to think were zits but I'm wondering if they are related to burst blood vessels.

She was bulimic before we were married and had significant weight as a teen, and was sexually abused as a child.

She is always tired, has headaches frequently, and drinks TONS of coffee.

We've been married for 10 years, and now we're going through a tough time in marriage. Since we are not close due to our marriage difficulties, I doubt she will listen to me. We have four young kids and I am deeply concerned for her health with the stresses of being a mom and working an early morning fitness-related job. She seems depressed and most days has difficulty making meals.

I would appreciate any ideas on how to approach this with her.

[Skeezyks]

Hello captaintaco: I'm sorry you & your spouse are in this most difficult situation. This must be most difficult for you. I'm not knowledgeable with regard to eating disorders. But, from what you describe, it certainly does sound as though your wife may be bulimic... & probably struggling with some serious depression as well. I would presume a person who is bulimic probably will typically be struggling with depression as well.

Honestly, I don't know how you approach your wife with this other than just to lay it out there. She may just get angry & deny it all, & the whole thing will just devolve into an argument. But I don't know what other alternatives there are. I suppose, since the two of you are experiencing marriage difficulties anyway, you could suggest going for some marriage counseling in an effort to improve your marital relationship. And maybe in the course of that effort, your wife's struggles with bulimia & depression might come to light & receive some treatment. Perhaps that might be a less threatening way to approach it. It might seem less threatening if you say "we're" having problems & perhaps this could help, rather than to say "you're having problems & you need help." At least that's what occurs to me. I do wish you both well...

[LexiAnn4]

I almost worried you were my husband until you said "married for 10 years". You basically described my life and I have suffered from bulimia for 11 years.

As far as how to approach the topic. I am not sure there is a polite way to do it. Chances are she will deny everything and possibly become aggressive when asked if she binges and/or purges. If she doesn't want help, there isn't much you can do. Although, if you are able to catch her purging, that may be a step towards getting her to admit it. Eating disorders usually have a very strong grip on the sufferer and provide a huge sense of shame/comfort as a coping mechanism.

I am not sure if I was any help, but I hope she opens up to you and seeks treatment.

[Gr3tta_0]

I would suggest you just do what you can to ensure you are Offering Concern and Help versus Accusing Her of doing something wrong.

And have a plan of action if and when she's willing to accept help. That could be a Dr's appointment, a referral for mental health services, contact numbers, etc. Have something useful to offer her.

Good luck to you.