RELAPSED after 22 Years! - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-30-2018, 11:53 PM #1
TheEbonyEwe's Avatar
TheEbonyEwe TheEbonyEwe is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: In the forest!
Posts: 165
TheEbonyEwe TheEbonyEwe is offline
Member
TheEbonyEwe's Avatar
TheEbonyEwe wishes she was invisible.
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: In the forest!
Posts: 165

5 yr Member
64 hugs
given
Default RELAPSED after 22 Years!

Haven't been to psychcentral in a while. Decided to come back to get help in here. I was severely Bulimic back in 1996. Long story. I got counseling, kicked the habit and eventually quit. Haven't purged in 22 years. Won't go into why, and all that. You all know why and how it goes.

Anyway, since July, I have lost 56 pounds on the Code Red lifestyle. I've struggled with my weight all my life thinking being thin will make me happy, right? Well, I'm in a size 6 pant now (never been this small) and I'm still not happy. I feel better. No more sleep apnea, got rid of my reflux and healed my vocal chords from proper nutrition.

(POSSIBLE TRIGGER AHEAD. STOP READING HERE IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED.)
However, over Christmas, I heard someone mention something about not being able to vomit food up if they gorge on dinner. That triggered me like a sob! I don't know what snapped in my brain...maybe I was wanting holiday treats so bad and I was tired of craving it and seeing it EVERYWHERE. I have no idea what it was....but I just caved and said, "yeah! I can have just this one day...to get it all out of my system! One day. I haven't done this in a long time. I'll be ok! I GOT THIS."

I didn't have squat! I didn't have this...at all.

Here it is, three weeks later and I can barely go two days without binging and purging now. I am hooked back on Bulimia like a crack head after 22 years of being purge free. The urge to cheat and eat what I want without gaining is just too strong. I don't know what happened. I wasn't really hungry. I didn't need to eat all that junk. I just wanted to, cause it was fun and tasted good.

Now I gotta go back to therapy and start this whole crap all over again. SO disappointed in myself that it got this bad again. UGH.
__________________
Dx:
Higher functioning autism (Aspie)
Depression
TheEbonyEwe is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 01-01-2019, 06:38 PM #2
HelplessSis's Avatar
HelplessSis HelplessSis is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2
HelplessSis HelplessSis is offline
New Member
HelplessSis's Avatar
HelplessSis has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2

Default Re: RELAPSED after 22 Years!

Im right there with you. I binged and purged for the first time in years a little over a month ago. It was awful! I am constantly preoccupied about my weight. I really thought Id be over this by now... Im ashamed. Ive been in a binging/restricting cycle since.
HelplessSis is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:41 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.