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Old 01-04-2020, 09:13 PM   #1
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Default I relapsed and everybody knows it

Let me start at the beginning. I was bulimic in high school due to bullying and my mom, dad, and stepdad kept harassing me about how heavy I was. My weight at the time was 160-180lbs. I started binging and purging for about 6 months or so-until my mom got me psychiatric help and he put me on Prozac. I lost 35lbs or more and weighed about 110-115 when I was taking Prozac.

I moved into my own apartment in 2017 and was ordering food delivery online multiple times a day and everyday for that matter. I gained the weight and was back to about 160-180lbs. I stopped taking Prozac in 2014, because my psychiatrist was on medical leave and I refused to take anymore meds or see another psychiatrist.

About May 2018 or so, I became bulimic again at 29. I was throwing up in the employee bathrooms at work and people knew it was me, but I kept denying it. Fast forward to March 2019 and I agreed to get psychiatric help again. She prescribed Zoloft and Trazodone for me. My new psychiatrist, coworkers, supervisors, job coach, mother, therapist, and whoever else were interrogating me about being bulimic. I kept saying no and obviously they don't believe me.

The Zoloft hasn't stopped me from being bulimic, but it is helping me lose weight and having diarrhea at work. I took more than 10 sick days off from work last year and it's because of the effect Zoloft has on my digestive system. My most recent weight check at the psychiatrist was 110lbs, but before that I was 107.8lbs or more. I just remember being between 107.8-110lbs.

In 2018 I was experiencing mood swings, because of the bulimia. I didn't tell my job coach, coworkers or supervisors that I was bulimic in high school, but my psychiatrist and therapist knows about this. I started eating healthy in 2018, 2019, and 2020. I was drinking milk multiple times a day and it was making me have diarrhea, but so was the chocolate and dairy products I ate. I cut those out of my lifestyle and still had diarrhea at work and wherever. Turns out diarrhea is a side effect of Zoloft and I let my psychiatrist know about it. I like the way Zoloft makes me feel mentally and emotionally-not really physically, but I do like the fact it is helping me to lose weight.

My jeans and stuff were too tight on me, so in 2018 I relapsed back into my old ways-meaning bulimia. I still eat pounds of food in one sitting, throw it up, and then throw them out in the garbage. Thankfully the vomiting hasn't destroyed my teeth or gave me cavities or whatever else, because my dental checkups have been absolutely no cavities. I haven't had a cavity since 2010, because my teeth got drilled and he put a tarp on my mouth to prevent debris from getting into my throat and mouth.

That is my story with bulimia, binging, and purging. If you went through it at any point in your life or are going through it right now, please share your story with me.
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Old 01-05-2020, 02:53 PM   #2
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Thanks for sharing your experiences. Eating disorders are, thankfully, one thing I have not had to deal with. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. And I wish you well...
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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Old 01-08-2020, 01:10 AM   #3
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Default Re: I relapsed and everybody knows it

That is the vicious cycle, isn't it?
Recovery, weight gain, relapse. It is hard to keep a good balance. I am struggling with this as well, lately. I went from a low weight to..well, a lot more. I am watched a lot, however. My fiance seems to have a sixth sense for when I am falling in to the cycle, and while he doesn't say anything, he hovers and makes it difficult to do so. Strangely, this does help?

One thing that did help me was the book "Brain over binge". She mentions in it something along the line of "What happens if you do not binge?" "What happens if you don't eat that?" She goes on to say that it is like a roller coaster, it will feel uncomfortable for a little while, but thats it. Nothing will happen if you do not eat that bad food. This 'nothing' is a lot better than the purge, right?
I have to keep telling myself this.
I am teetering on binging and being unable to purge so I end up purging through long hours at the gym or hard restrictive days.
This relapse will be the third time since high school, so I feel you.

Last edited by CANDC; 01-08-2020 at 05:15 PM.. Reason: Remove numbers from Eating Disorder thread
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Old 03-01-2020, 12:27 PM   #4
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The very first time I purged I smelt of sick straight after I Would just see how much I could get outta my tummy,if I seen the green puke than I would stop and take a drink.After a few years I was a pro @ it and became very addictive -eat-vomit-eat-vomit than I would only eat high calorific foods that was easy to get out of my tummy.For over 10years I struggled with my weight after being anorexic.My friend in care was 112lbs and I was 112 aswell but my muscle weighed more than my fat,. I still get stressed and vomit but it hasn't been serious in the last year 2020.Im in IP at the moment and they make sure I don't over eat by covering food up after dinner so than I can't over eat.Giving me meds for when am stressed out.Im the most happiest when It doesn't involve food.You can PM any time
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