Severe childhood neglect & social isolation = NO LIFE

Hello, everybody. I suffered from CEN and so did my wife. In fact, her level of emotional neglect was so extreme and complete that it caused her to totally break down emotionally in childhood. I just wanted to describe her situation here in the hope of finding someone else whose life has been so severely impacted by CEN. She feels like she's the only one on Earth something like this has ever happened to.

From the very beginning, the bond with her mother was very poor. Severe attachment issues. Her mother was very childlike herself and simply could not perform the role of a nurturing parent. The family broke apart early and my wife was left alone with this clueless, helpless woman. The biggest problem is that her mother had no normal social life and led a more or less isolated existence. So as a kid, my wife never got used to being around people other than her mother. This caused her to develop extreme social anxiety to the point that she could not function at school. She couldn't make friends and couldn't even talk at all for the most part. It got so bad she ended up having to drop out of school entirely by the 6th grade. At that point, she essentially dropped out of the world, spending the rest of her childhood and adolescence at home alone with her mother. She didn't get any further schooling at home or otherwise. She basically just stayed at home alone and watched TV all day while her mom worked. She had no social contact with anyone other than her mother.

I met my wife when she was 19 on an internet mailing list for people with social anxiety. When I finally met her, I was the first human being she'd ever had an actual conversation with other than her mother, which was a very surface relationship. So I was really her first social relationship. 20 years later, we are now married and the only thing that has changed for her is her relationship with me. She has remained just as isolated. As difficult as it is to believe, at 39 years old, she has still only spoken to and known one human being in her entire lifetime: me. As you can imagine, this highly unusual situation has made her a very unusual person who feels she can't relate to the rest of human race. Other than being with me, all she's ever had to do is sit and dwell on her misery in isolation. She's never had a job, never finished school, never even talked to anyone else but me.

I'd just like to know if anyone out there has had a life even remotely similar to hers in terms of isolation and having her life and development as a person thrown off course so completely at such an early stage. Is there anyone who has had such a lack of normalcy in their life like this? Anyone who has had such a small, virtually nonexistent life because they broke down in childhood? All of this is a direct result of her childhood emotional neglect. Her mother simply didn't teach her ANYTHING about how to be a normal person. Other than being provided (unhealthy) food and shelter, she may as well have grown up completely alone.

There's a lot more to her story (and my involvement in it) that I can go into if anyone is interested. If you can relate to her story, please leave a reply below. I want to help her feel like she's not alone in these feelings. I can relate to a lot of them. That is a big part of our bond. But I still don't really know what it's like to have been as alone as she was throughout her life. There must be someone else out there who can understand.

The reason I'm sharing her story for her (with her permission) is because she's more or less given up on the idea of finding anyone who can relate and can't bear to socialize even on this level. I told her I was sure there was someone else out there who's had a life like this and that I'd search to the ends of the earth until I find one. So if you're out there, I invite you to reply below. Even if you can only relate to some of this, I'd still really like to hear from you.

I can totally relate to so much of that. If you or you wife want to private message me please feel free

I've not been in this position but my heart goes out to her and to you. I wanted to lend my support and to say I hope you get posts from people with similar experiences and are able to get her help. I hope she's not beating herself up over this. Best wishes.

I can relate to being isolated with a childlike mother and not being able to interact with people because of it. The isolation is a unique pain.

I lived like this for pretty much my entire childhood and most of my young adulthood.

The only reason why I was able to break free was because my mother passed away. This happened about 4 years ago and since then, I have been having to learn how to survive as an adult all on my own.

I was never taught some basic life skills, such as how to cook, how to budget money, and how to drive even. My mother had me convinced that I would never be anything without her help because my so called "issues" made it to where it would be impossible. She was wrong.

It's been hard but I've been learning and evolving past what I was. I'm grateful and happy my mother died and I celebrate her death every year as my own holiday because if it wasn't for her dying, I wouldn't be able to have a chance at enjoying what is left of my youth and learn the skills that I need because of her.

Some people need to be barred from ever having children. People like my mother and your wife's mother need to be forcibly sterilized. The pain people like them cause is inexcusable.

I haven't ever dealt with this before, and I'm sorry I can't help, but im glad you posted, helps me have am open mind that everyone has different situations and struggles. I wish you both the very best

I know my reply is kind of late, but I just came across this post now. Anyway, I can totally relate to "severe childhood neglect & social isolation = NO LIFE." I had pretty much the same experiences as well as lack of experiences. No one in my family paid much if any attention to me besides whether I had food and shelter. I lived in a group home in my 20s and when I moved back home a year later, I actually got a comment that my life was easy because I didn't have to work. So having no job was seen as having it easy. I was also blamed for not taking responsibility for my life. I wasn't taught or guided at all and was totally isolated, so naturally I had no job.