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Default Mar 22, 2018 at 09:22 PM
  #81
Dear Dad,

I don’t care that you are old. I don’t care if you end up with something terminal.

You will die without ever seeing me again.
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SorryShaped
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Default Mar 22, 2018 at 09:30 PM
  #82
Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm no longer trapped in your house, a house you made it a point was yours and not mine, while I tried to grow up there and even after I moved back in decades later to help you. I'm now in my own home, and have time to clearly see that you did not understand my problems because you are not capable of understanding. I'm working to forgive you, but I'm not yet ready, even though it isn't all your fault. You do have the ability to learn the differences, but never will.
I'm enjoying my life, such as it is, now and really just trying to ease myself from all the damages My Life has done.
I don't miss you.
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Default Apr 01, 2018 at 01:06 PM
  #83
My parents were not capable of understanding, either. They refused to admit to any wrong doing.

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Default Apr 02, 2018 at 05:59 PM
  #84
Dear mom,

An uncomfortable part of therapy has been realizing that you probably did as much damage to me as my father did. No, you weren't abusive like him. But unlike with him, I looked up to you, wanted your approval and affection, and internalized and judged myself according to your worldview.

I know you have always loved me. But that's not enough. A child is a child, not a miniature adult. You were very... pragmatic... not cold but certainly not warm, and never very good at pretending to like or be impressed by something you did not like or were not impressed by.
I learned quickly that you would be visibly relieved when I made it clear that I didn't expect you to be impressed by my popsicle stick crafts or tell me that my singing was good. But did you have to ask me not to sing around you because my tone deafness hurt?
Acknowledging that the things I made and did were not objectively impressive was one of the few things that I could tell earned your respect. You would have been disappointed in me if you'd known that sometimes I secretly wished that you'd pretend to like the arts and crafts we made in school the way my friends' parents did.
I learned not to show you anything I was proud of, because that was a recipe for disappointment and hurt feelings. You never intended to be cruel, but you couldn't bring yourself to pretend that you thought that a 10 year old's poetry was good, and you assumed that you weren't expected to. It was better for both of us that I just not show you anything I'd done.
We've talked about it now that I'm an adult, and I know that you now "get" that I'm not like you, and that you're sorry that you hurt me, but it still feels like you're disappointed that I'm not like you in this regard. I don't think that telling you this now would do any good. You already know I was hurt, and you're already sorry you hurt me. Knowing just how much damage it did wouldn't undo any of the damage, it would only cause you more pain. And you wouldn't be able to convincingly lie to me to reassure me that you weren't at least somewhat disappointed.

Once you said, "you know, I think I was never meant to be a mother," and instead of reassuring you I said, "no, probably not."
Your feelings weren't hurt, because it was the truth and you didn't expect or want me to lie to you—that's just the way you are, and I understand that now. It just would have been nice if you hadn't assumed throughout my childhood that I was that way as well.
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Default Apr 03, 2018 at 12:27 PM
  #85
I can completely relate to the alcohol use and missing my childhood because I was raising my younger sister while my mother drank and “entertained” men and left us home alone. She lives in denial claiming that We were only home alone while she worked and no one else is aware that she was gone for days at a time and slept or drank most of the time she was home. How dare I not be a better adult when I was a child? The nerve of me.
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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 07:15 AM
  #86
Dear Mom,

Why do you remember my childhood so differently from me?

Why wasn't I good enough?

Why did you leave me alone to fend for myself?

Why do you feel the need to control everything?

Why can't you take a look at yourself?
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Default Apr 06, 2018 at 09:47 AM
  #87
Dear Parental Units,

I was never good enough. Thank you for ensuring my awareness of that “fact”.

And thank you for being the Narcissistic A holes who only cared about Self.


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Default Mar 02, 2019 at 12:30 PM
  #88
Why did you pay a lot more attention to my brother? And did i really deserve all the name calling and beatings? Am i that bad of a daughter?
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Default Mar 13, 2019 at 01:33 PM
  #89
Have you considered changing YOUR phone number and email address?

Regarding family/others still being in contact with both them and you, would you be better off to move away and cut ties from all of them, so that you can truly be free of your parents?

I'm thinking happy thoughts for you. I hope things get better soon.

Last edited by G lady; Mar 13, 2019 at 01:34 PM.. Reason: it didn't post where I wanted it to
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Default Apr 10, 2019 at 11:41 AM
  #90
Have you considered that YOU are all the ugly names you called me...

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Default Apr 11, 2019 at 03:26 AM
  #91
I really feel sorry for you. Mom....you had such bad self-esteme that you got married to the ONLY guy that ever paid attention to you. Then you married him because you wanted him to have someone at home when he went to Germany in WWII. If it was love it sure wasn't obvious the rest of your married life.

Dad, you tried so hard to be like other men when you ever left your workshop in the garage.....but you had no idea how to carry on an intelligent conversation because you never read anything that others talked about but argued with them about opinions you made up in your own head not based on facts. Mom rationalized our family being left out if things & not fitting in because we lived far away from church (the only place you went where there were people), you didn't have money like the rest of them & you couldn't afford to put me into the church school.

The problem wasn't the surface level crap you used as excuses.....but it was your own personality issues that people realky didn't want to be around but were polite enough not to tell you the REAL reason.

You wondered why we fought constantly. Anyone stuck in an environment like that would fight to get out. While I was in my room studying to make sure I didn't end up like you I also spent time wondering what it would be like to have normal parents.

Later in my 40's when I ended up in therapy....the first thing my mom said was...."we didn't abuse you asva child" That statement was accurate & I never claimed to have been abused & by that time in my life with my own dysfunctional marriage I just said my childhood was NORMAL. Years later after having left my own bad marriage & having found outstanding therapy it became CLEAR just how dysfunctional both you were & how dysfunctional I became fighting it. You stayed that way all your lives with some little bits improvement with age BUT it really was who & what you were.

I have worked hard to get out of the rut I found myself if & have found my peace years after you had died. I really wish I had a better picture of you both to look back on. I am really hard pressed to remember any good times we had together where there wasn't some level of stress caused by your behaviors. Was it lack of tolerance on my part or did I have a right to be intolerant of the ways & how they negatively impacted me?

HOWEVER I do appreciate that you both grew up some & were better with my daughter than you were with me & I think you were trying to make up for the past when you were willing to care for her so I could finish my degree & have my computer engineering career.

I figured out many of the undiagnosed issues dad had.....but honestly....knowing a diagnosis wouldn't have changed a thing. It just finally gave me understanding for why you & my Ex-H were the way you were. It wouldn't have FIXED anything.

Maybe going through all I did was necessary for me to be where I am today & have the factual understandings that I have gained from experiencing life the way I did.

I am happy & at peace NOW & that is really all that matters.

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Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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