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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 03:57 PM
  #1
have you ever wanted to say something to your mom and dad and couldn't for what ever reason?

well say it in here...

dear mom,

why is it that you treated my brother and sister with a lot more respect than you did me?
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SorryShaped
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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 04:08 PM
  #2
Why didn't you understand that when I said I wanted to die that I wasn't throwing a fit, but that I felt that way truly?

Last edited by SorryShaped; Sep 22, 2017 at 04:27 PM..
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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 04:28 PM
  #3
Why did you call me a sissy when I cried?
Why was I forced to go to church, when you knew at 11 that I didn't believe that way?
Why are you still so adamant that you were always right?
Why is my divorce mostly my fault because I was the one that filed?
Why do I feel like nothing I say truly matters, ever?
Why don't you educate yourselves about my illness instead of just saying "I know what that is" in your authoritative tone?
Why do you believe that I can just snap out of it?
Why did you think my hospitalizations meant I would come home completely better? You sure as hell didn't from yours.
Why am I expected to care for you when you have exercised such little care for my feelings?
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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 04:33 PM
  #4
I know you resented us for not being girls. You wanted girls, and it wasn't enough that I took an interest in all your hobbies. It wasn't enough that I felt so guilty about being even a little masculine that I never developed classically masculine behaviors, and therefore was picked on endlessly in school.

You made me feel like being a male is a sin I committed against you. You'll never admit this. Instead you'll just keep making passive aggressive comments on the side. I only made peace with myself in this regard when I moved far away.
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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 04:37 PM
  #5
Why haven't I ran as far and fast as I can? I know the answer. It's because you trained me to feel beholden to you and your illnesses have become my duty. Why don't I go now?
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 04:48 AM
  #6
I am sorry you went through so much,
SorryShaped

it is okay to want to say so much.. that's why this thread exists
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 05:22 AM
  #7
Parents

I wish you were able to feel the guilt you should.
I wish you could emotionally feel the enormity of the pain and irreparable harm you caused.
I wish you could see it all in one place, and understand what it says about you.
I wish you could let down your defenses enough to understand how despicable you are.
I wish you could view yourself as society views people like you...

Despicable
Hated
Reviled
Disgusting
Shameful
Unacceptable
Rejected

We all know what happens to people like you in prison.
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 07:16 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by shattered sanity View Post
I am sorry you went through so much,
SorryShaped

it is okay to want to say so much.. that's why this thread exists
I am writing my bio, but my family will be prevented from seeing it or knowing it's mine until after my death. It will be a free publication for mental health students/professionals. I do my own psychoanalysis after each thing I'm writing. I'm not using names, including mine, including my ex's.
On my eventual demise, the countdown click begins on my Google accounts and family emails will with the links be sent after the 6 months of inactivity
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 07:21 AM
  #9
You were the best and I miss you so much.
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 07:57 AM
  #10
Dear Mom, why did you go on to have 5 more kids with 5 different men after me?

Dear Mom, why was your alcohol more important than having food in the house?

Dear Mom, why did I miss my childhood because I was the defacto parent to 5 younger siblings?

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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 08:29 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I am writing my bio, but my family will be prevented from seeing it or knowing it's mine until after my death. It will be a free publication for mental health students/professionals. I do my own psychoanalysis after each thing I'm writing. I'm not using names, including mine, including my ex's.
On my eventual demise, the countdown click begins on my Google accounts and family emails will with the links be sent after the 6 months of inactivity


it's a neat idea.

something I thought about doing too, a long time ago.

but, for me, it got really hard writing about my childhood.

so stopped.

I don't think I ever intended to publish it, just do it as a personal project
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 08:33 AM
  #12
dear mom,

Possible trigger:
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 08:34 AM
  #13
and mom,

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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 10:50 AM
  #14
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Originally Posted by shattered sanity View Post
it's a neat idea.

something I thought about doing too, a long time ago.

but, for me, it got really hard writing about my childhood.

so stopped.

I don't think I ever intended to publish it, just do it as a personal project
I find it cathartic. I cry like hell every time I work on it, to the point that I have to stop to breathe and clear my eyes to see. When I'm finished with a part, I look at it and think "wow my life's been messed up severely. Glad I'm past that crappy point"
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 11:40 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I find it cathartic. I cry like hell every time I work on it, to the point that I have to stop to breathe and clear my eyes to see. When I'm finished with a part, I look at it and think "wow my life's been messed up severely. Glad I'm past that crappy point"

i think that's ashame

what's sad is so many people's lives have been ****ed up by parents, and I know I can't speak for everyone when I say this,

but I wish I could go back.

wish I could change the past..
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 01:14 PM
  #16
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Originally Posted by shattered sanity View Post
i think that's ashame

what's sad is so many people's lives have been ****ed up by parents, and I know I can't speak for everyone when I say this,

but I wish I could go back.

wish I could change the past..
No, you don't want to go back and try to change it. Learn from it instead, even if your only lesson is what not to do moving forward. I take care of my parents right now, but I'm spent with it. I really just want to leave and sleep in my car forever instead. I'm only one mean thing said from doing it, and they know it. I've told them they are literally killing me like this and my siblings know they need to help more but they rarely do.
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 01:22 PM
  #17
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
No, you don't want to go back and try to change it. Learn from it instead, even if your only lesson is what not to do moving forward. I take care of my parents right now, but I'm spent with it. I really just want to leave and sleep in my car forever instead. I'm only one mean thing said from doing it, and they know it. I've told them they are literally killing me like this and my siblings know they need to help more but they rarely do.


maybe I worded that wrong.

I do want to go back, but, erase everything.

like, what would have happened if I maybe was braught up with diffrent parents, or I didn't witness endless abuse.

that's what I meant, not relive the hell I went through (I need to start being clearer)

but I know it can't happen

this life is not a rehersal.. this is it
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 01:43 PM
  #18
Dear parental units (and step maternal unit )

When I said I wanted to die, I meant just that, I wanted to die.

I don't understand why I was never "worth it" to you and why you had to lie to me for more than 20 years. And then more lies.

Why did you have to abuse and neglect me?

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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 04:27 PM
  #19
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Originally Posted by shattered sanity View Post
maybe I worded that wrong.

I do want to go back, but, erase everything.

like, what would have happened if I maybe was braught up with diffrent parents, or I didn't witness endless abuse.

that's what I meant, not relive the hell I went through (I need to start being clearer)

but I know it can't happen

this life is not a rehersal.. this is it
It could just be another fiery hell. Just rise from the ashes, majestic phoenix, and burn the skies with your fire
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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 07:58 PM
  #20
Mom and Dad,
We've had a run of it. I moved back in to help care for you. You're leaving on a vacation next month, and I am leaving on my own vacation too. But, one of us isn't coming back.
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