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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,326
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#41
I love and appreciate you. I love you just the way you are.
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Anonymous57363, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
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katydid777, MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
8 65 hugs
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#42
You are beautiful inside and out. You are very strong and confident.
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Anonymous57363, katydid777, MickeyCheeky
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katydid777, MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
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#43
((((Everyone))))
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Anonymous57363, katydid777
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Member
Member Since Aug 2015
Location: East Coast of US
Posts: 233
8 156 hugs
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#44
I won't forget to pick you up today.
You're not as completely selfish as I thought. Let me make dinner for you tonight. Duck! __________________ "You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." - Brene Brown |
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Anonymous57363, katydid777
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Magnate
Member Since Nov 2016
Location: georgia
Posts: 2,137
7 10.2k hugs
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#45
I truly don't want you. Then I would have been able to go on in life, and maybe not have as many issue as I do. Just to be honest to me, or even adopt me to some family that would have wanted me.
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Anonymous57363
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#46
"emily, you look beautiful."
even if I looked like something out of a disney fairytale or looked like the royal family, it was always wrong to my parents they'd say make an effert when I didn't look at my best, and when I did make an effert, it still wasn't good enough |
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Albatross2008, Anonymous57363
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#47
" em it's really not your fault"
I remember everything was blamed on me. everything I remember one time in particular, the washing machine broke- and I was severely abused for it |
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Albatross2008, Anonymous57363
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Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 37
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#48
"I love you."
"My problems aren't really more important than yours. I realize you have problems too and I want to be there for you." "I'm proud of you." "You don't have to be compared to your older sister. You are you, and you are amazing." "It's safe to come to me, and I care. I won't yell or scream at you, or throw things. I will listen and try to understand." "You're not a burden. We just weren't prepared to be parents." "Our financial and economical problems are not your fault. I'm sorry for holding you responsible." "Work isn't more important than you." There's a lot of other things, but I'll leave it at this. I've had to become my own parent to heal from the neglect I was dealt from my actual parents. It was sad when a friend pointed out, "Your parents were dead too. They just still lived in the same house as you." |
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Albatross2008, Anonymous43774, Anonymous57363, BettysGranddaughter
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Albatross2008
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
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#49
^^These are wonderful.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
6 342 hugs
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#50
"Sometimes things happen, and it doesn't have to be anybody's fault."
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#51
I wish they had listened to me.
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Albatross2008, Anonymous57363
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,627
6 342 hugs
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#52
"Things don't have to be perfect. I'm not going to scream at you if you don't set the table just right. Making it look like something out of a magazine, getting everybody oohing and aahing over how pretty it is, isn't the goal here. Family time is. You participate because you're part of the family, not because you're my servant. You're more valuable to me than my public image is. Besides, you're still a child. I don't expect you to do as good a job at that sort of thing as I would if I were doing it."
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Anonymous57363
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Member
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: Florida
Posts: 90
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#53
-- I'm sorry you were made to take care of your brother starting when you were 11. And I shouldn't blame you for his poor decisions that you can't control.
-- It's okay to ask for help when you really need it. You shouldn't feel ashamed if you need help doing something. -- Crying isn't a sign a weakness that you should do your best to keep yourself from doing. It's a necessary in life that will actually hurt you if you don't do it. -- {Silence instead of pointing out every single blemish on my face and if I look like I've gained weight.} -- Hmm... You think a mayo + bacon bits sandwich tastes good, you can't taste the difference between this food and that one, and you keep saying X and Y taste bland? Maybe we should talk to a doctor. -- I love you. Even if my actions don't show it, I do love you. -- You did a good job. {Without trying to one-up me.} -- Okay, let's find you a therapist {after I spent years begging for it, with knowing -- and without me knowing -- I was diagnosed as 'emotionally handicapped' before 2nd grade}. -- {When I start screaming that you and my brother should stop telling me to "Suck it up" because no matter how many times you say it, it's not helping... Then rather than saying it, he hands me a straw instead and you laugh hysterically. Every. Single. Time.} -- I'll teach you the ins and outs of dealing with money and I'll explain your student loans to you so no one (namely me) can embezzle from you. |
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Anonymous57363
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Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: up above the world
Posts: 128
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#54
- I love you
- I believe in you |
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Anonymous57363
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 51
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#55
I kind of believe it would’ve been better off if they said nothing. But I’d like to be close with them now
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Anonymous57363
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Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: up above the world
Posts: 128
5 55 hugs
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#56
I also believe they should have said this:
- Keep writing and creating art projects. Would you like to take art classes? We support you. Their actual words? "You do all that because you have too much free time" |
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Anonymous57363
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#57
They should have taught me basic social skills. Such as introducing myself. Such as asking what I was feeling. Such as wondering if I needed help.
They shouldn't have said I was good just so they would feel good about themselves. They shouldn't have said I was bad and made me feel ashamed for every little thing I said or did or liked or wanted, or disliked or not wanted. If I was bad they should have helped me. |
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Albatross2008, Anonymous57363
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
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#58
I tried to think of something I might want my parents to say to me but I think I don't want them to say anything. I want them to stay far far away from me. Nothing good they said could ever be believed. I don't want them anywhere near me.
Boobear |
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Anonymous57363
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#59
"I love you for you, not for your grades or professional credentials or money"
"Sorry for screaming at you, cornering you, shaming you, frightening you...leading you to feel that you had to self-erase just to survive in our family" "You deserved peace, unconditional love, and a safe home. We should have given you those things and it's not your fault that we didn't." "Sorry we didn't take you to the doctor when we thought something was wrong when you were 5 years old and because a teacher told us children can't get depressed we ignored your misery. Sorry you had to suffer in silent depression until you were 15 before you got any professional help." "Sorry you were never good enough for us." "Well done for bravely leaving and starting a new safe life. Sorry we shamed you instead of supporting you." "Sorry for saying those horrible things you won't forget until the day you die." "We didn't know how to be parents. You were a great daughter. We had a wonderful opportunity to know you and love you and we ruined it." "Well done for ending our cycle of abuse. Well done for choosing love and light over anger and abuse." |
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#60
[QUOTE=Arbie;6126814]In general, I don't want words. I want changed behavior. But words do matter too. When you were growing up, what would have been helpful for you to hear? These are mine.
Thank you so much for starting this thread. It broke my heart to read the replies and write my own. I sit hear crying at the memories and yet also feeling relief. The relief that it is over now because I left. The relief that others know that pain. Relief that we are all connected here on PC. Peace, love, and hope to all of you SURVIVORS out there. You are beautiful |
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Albatross2008
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