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Default Dec 22, 2018 at 06:35 PM
  #61
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Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post
"I love you"
"You look so pretty"
"Tell me what's troubling you"
"I will always protect you"
"You did so well today - I'm really proud of you"
"I will never use you as the messenger for the arguments I have with your dad"
"I love you and your brother equally - whatever I do for him I will do for you"
"Let's do something together - your choice"

I could go on ad infinitum. I am so messed up in the head. I have been diagnosed with childhood emotional neglect by a psychiatrist but knowing why I have so many problems does nothing to alter how impossible it seems to overcome any of them.
Hello PoorLittleFish. I understand and am sorry for your pain. Please know that I have survived an abusive upbringing and I am doing much better now. I want you to know that there IS hope but I am also not negating your pain. Peace and healing energy to you
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Default Dec 22, 2018 at 06:40 PM
  #62
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Originally Posted by Kirabelle View Post
My mom has said the same. PLUS..I was a burden to raise because of my rheumatoid arthritis. I could never say this to a child!

My father (when I was 15): "my life would have been infinitely better if I had never had children.

My mother (when I was 20): "you are one of my greatest disappointments in life."
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Default Dec 22, 2018 at 10:09 PM
  #63
So, they should have said to you, "We are happy we had children and that you are one of them." Neither parent said that to me either.

And "we are so proud of you." I didn't get that either.
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Default Dec 22, 2018 at 10:41 PM
  #64
- It's okay to make mistakes
- I can see you're hurting and I want to help
- I won't shout at you
- I'd like to help, how can I help with what you're feeling
- I'm sorry for saying "It's all in your head, just fix it, I don't have the time to deal with you"
- I'm sorry for using you as a tool to emotionally manipulate your mum/dad
- I love you

And with those statements I just made the first comment that I'm aware of into my childhood. How bleak.

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Default Dec 23, 2018 at 01:15 PM
  #65
Sending many hugs to everyone
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Default Dec 23, 2018 at 02:06 PM
  #66
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Sending many hugs to everyone

Thank you MickeyCheeky. You are a true ray of sunshine at PC
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Default Dec 27, 2018 at 05:51 AM
  #67
"You're beautiful the way you are."

"This is a normal medical problem that many children experience. We'll get through it. I know you're not lazy and doing it on purpose."

"I've always wanted children."

"Being a mother means having to make sacrifices. You are my world now, not my friends/alcohol/drugs."

"Go and resit the exams you didn't do so well in. You can do it!"

"You can do anything if you put your mind and heart to it."

"I'm sorry for using you as a tool to emotionally manipulate your father."

"I'm sorry for using you as a tool to emotionally hurt your mother."

"I should have been there. I always will be from now on."

And so, so much more.

This is the first christmas I've spent without either mother or father. Both are still alive and well. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not my fault. It's not me. But, y'know, I never will be enough or important enough for them.
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Default Dec 28, 2018 at 12:13 PM
  #68
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Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
In general, I don't want words. I want changed behavior. But words do matter too. When you were growing up, what would have been helpful for you to hear?
"I'm sorry."

For anything. Ever. Zero accountability.
Anything beyond that would just be icing.

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Default Jan 06, 2019 at 06:42 AM
  #69
"you're wanted."

" you're going to grow up and have a great life."

"anything you need, just ask."
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Default Jan 09, 2019 at 02:21 PM
  #70
“I love you”.
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Default Jan 10, 2019 at 09:31 AM
  #71
I'm proud of you/congratulations!

After a long period of saving, my husband and I finalized the purchase of a home recently. I talked to my parents on skype soon after. My dad was really happy for me and asked a lot of questions. My mom sat there with an awful scowl on her face. 2018 was a tough year for her health-wise, but still, she could not even congratulations on this important step? It's sad, really.
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Default Jan 10, 2019 at 06:56 PM
  #72
^^Congratulations on the purchase of your home!

Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 04:38 AM
  #73
^^ Thank you Arbie ! See, that wasn't hard to do, right? But she can't say it.
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Default Jan 14, 2019 at 11:27 PM
  #74
-- You can be your own person and do your own thing and I will love you anyways.
-- The world really isn't that bad of a place to live in, and most people are good.
-- I may not be able to understand your fears, but I understand that you are feeling them and I want you to feel better.
-- Behavior wise, more discipline and guidance, especially when I was younger. Less detachment, distance, getting ignored and left alone except when convenient
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Default Jan 15, 2019 at 03:19 PM
  #75
"Your emotions don't have to match mine. Just because I'm feeling a certain way doesn't mean you should also feel the same way I do. Feelings aren't right or wrong."

Detailed:

"Just because I'm having anxiety, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. It's good for you to branch out and try new things. My fear is for me to deal with."
---Instead of, "No, I don't want you to do that because I'm too nervous about it." (Example, teenager going out on a date, or learning to drive, or going camping with the scout troop, or joining a school sports team, or any other normal part of life.)

"I'm not afraid because I've been in this situation before, and I feel safe. But it's a new experience for you. I understand your fear. You'll get through it, and then it won't feel so scary anymore."
---Instead of, "There's nothing to be afraid of. Quit being such a baby." (Example, child is nervous on the first day of school.)

"Maybe you know something I don't. Can you explain to me why you don't like Mr. Neighbor?" Then, assuming it's something relatively harmless instead of an actual danger, "Oh, so you find it annoying the way he snorts through his nose. Why do you suppose he does that?"
---Instead of, "Don't be so rude. Mr. Neighbor is a nice man. He can't help the way he snorts through his nose. He has a sinus condition. Have some compassion."

"You like X, but I don't. I like Y, and you don't. Everybody's different. We don't have to agree."
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