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Junior Member
bethb
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Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: England
Posts: 19
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#1
Dad and I have never really got on. We have been differentto each other as possible. I often feel guilty that I cannot be the sort ofdaughter he could relate to. While he has chosen science and environmentalcauses I have found calmness and support in Christianity.
While he walks along worrying and being anxious about everything I have triedto smile, dance, sing and generally spread positivity and laughter. While he has a lot of big causes and intensity I have tried to avoid having anyintense interests or passions that would alienate me from others, or cause meto lecture people. I remember hearing Mum and Dad fight as a kid and feeling how unstable he is,wondering if he would dare hurt Mum. I have never seen him as a Dad, or any role model figure, but as a littlebrother, lost and competing for attention. He needed looking after and fussingover and everything else had to wait until his issues were discussed, no matterwhat else was going on. My dad detests some of the things I love … Church, America,comedy, western culture. Whenever I have tried to challenge Dad he has shouted medown. If I do anything he doesn’t like he gets this horrified look to his face.He creates problems for everyone around him, is needy of all the time availableand is an arsehole to live with. I don’t know why Mum stood by him so long. I hope that maybe when he moves finally away it will bringme calmness and I can find positivity easier. I think if he got to know God hemight find peace and solace and learn not to be so needy as he is. He has no idea of what things other people like or don’tlike. If he thought I might not like to try something he would call it “asurprise” and laugh at me if I got upset about that. Family holidays always meant hill walking and if Icomplained about it, cause I was the one always trailing behind and felt verybored, he would accuse me of hysterics or laugh and mock me. He would say Ididn’t have to be part of the outing, as in “I don’t have to be part of thefamily”. I don’t know why he has to rebel against the west and be sobigoted and hurtful to others. I don’t know why he can’t drop his causes and relax. His mannerisms are awkward. I have forgiven him for all the damage he did but he stillgets to me. I just want to get as far away from him as possible. I thinkhe is partly why I do not trust men. I just want to escape the turmoil and guilt of being hisdaughter. I fantasize often about a partner stepping in between andscaring Dad away from me. He would take me off on a horse and ride with me to aplace that is safe, where Dad will not go. This is my escape. I just want to smile and be happy and not have to thinkabout him or his damn issues. |
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Anonymous50909, BLUEDOVE
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#2
It's a mistake to desire someone else to be the rescue, as often that can lead to you hooking up with the wrong guy that can become yet another trap for you. The best thing to do is get educated and learn to "first" be independent on your own. You don't have to be close to dear ole dad. Learn to stand on your own, and then "carefully" choose a life partner that compliments who you are.
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Grand Member
BLUEDOVE
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Posts: 794
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#3
You sound a very nice,intelligent person Beth; your father
sounds like a very insecure 'Adult-Child' (adult body,child's mind),this may have occurred when he was a child,with abuse or not being loved-whatever the case,YOU are responsible for YOUR life,and HE is responsible for his.Since it does not seem HE will change/do something different,it looks like that is up to YOU--it is NOT selfish to look after one's self,to not allow one's self to be abused,to CARE for one's self . . .I shall leave you with my favourite quote: "In order to love,or even like one's self,one must behave in ways one can respect and admire." COURAGE, BLUEDOVE |
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