Do you feel somehow unworthy because you never had a good relationship with your parents? How do you get over this? I always feel like an outsider who doesn’t measure up.

[ArchieAus]

I mostly just think that "that's how it was " . Life is not a Hollywood movie . Many times a life is not perfect . Sure I feel bitter about it ..and I know that it has an effect on me even now . I also know I carry the genes which influenced that situation . But I don't feel unworthy . I'm out there bumping shoulders with the rest of the seven and a half billion misfits in the world ...and I'm not less than any of them . I'm no better than them , but certainly no less .

[ArchieAus]

Just make your parents irrelevant. I do it so well these days I have practised pretending to be sad when one of the idiots dies , so I don't appear to be an unfeeling monster . I don't wish them Ill , I just have been so successful at making them irrelevant that I know longer have any feelings towards them .

I think over the years I've got used to the fact that my family hated me

it's still hard, and I still have this thought.. well if I can't turn to my own family, then who can I turn to?

and I know when people are nice to me, I'm like to them... why?. I deserve abuse.

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I mostly just think that "that's how it was " . Life is not a Hollywood movie . Many times a life is not perfect . Sure I feel bitter about it ..and I know that it has an effect on me even now . I also know I carry the genes which influenced that situation . But I don't feel unworthy . I'm out there bumping shoulders with the rest of the seven and a half billion misfits in the world ...and I'm not less than any of them . I'm no better than them , but certainly no less .

You’re right. Life is not a Hollywood movie. None of us is promised a smooth, easy ride.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think over the years I've got used to the fact that my family hated me


it's still hard, and I still have this thought.. well if I can't turn to my own family, then who can I turn to?


and I know when people are nice to me, I'm like to them... why?. I deserve abuse.

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

Originally Posted by Sisabel

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

it is nice to hear that.

thank you

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Do you feel somehow unworthy because you never had a good relationship with your parents? How do you get over this? I always feel like an outsider who doesn’t measure up.

Yep. I used to feel like I didn't deserve to be in parks or other public spaces because I hadn't "earned" it, like it was too good for me.

I'm still working on not feeling like the outsider. I think you just have to find good people who have similar values and interests. It takes time though.

Originally Posted by BettysGranddaughter

Yep. I used to feel like I didn't deserve to be in parks or other public spaces because I hadn't "earned" it, like it was too good for me.

I'm still working on not feeling like the outsider. I think you just have to find good people who have similar values and interests. It takes time though.

I feel like an outsider when I meet new people. I have these weird thoughts and feelings that others are more deserving than me because they have a family (parents) that loves them. I’ve been reading a book on neuroplasticity and I know I literally have to train my brain to stop thinking like this.

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I feel like an outsider when I meet new people. I have these weird thoughts and feelings that others are more deserving than me because they have a family (parents) that loves them. I’ve been reading a book on neuroplasticity and I know I literally have to train my brain to stop thinking like this.

Yeah, it's hard work, but the brain's pretty amazing! You'll get there.

[Amyjay]

Yes I do. As a child I learned I am not worthy. I was taught my role in life.
As an adult I am not able to connect with anyone beyond the level of acquantaince or work colleague. It is shameful to say I even feel unable to connect to my children but I do my best to fake it. But how can they not know that?
I am unworthy at everything, in every aspect.
I believe that every human being is worthy of love and respect.

At the same time I am so aware of my failure as a member of the human race. I don't know how to human. I was taught I am less than *****.

[Fuzzybear]

Not sure I have a useful reply to this
I’m not a “useful” bear
I **** things up

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Yes I do. As a child I learned I am not worthy. I was taught my role in life.

As an adult I am not able to connect with anyone beyond the level of acquantaince or work colleague. It is shameful to say I even feel unable to connect to my children but I do my best to fake it. But how can they not know that?

I am unworthy at everything, in every aspect.

I believe that every human being is worthy of love and respect.


At the same time I am so aware of my failure as a member of the human race. I don't know how to human. I was taught I am less than *****.

It’s hard to “unlearn” what we were taught at a young age. ❤️

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Not sure I have a useful reply to this

I’m not a “useful” bear

I **** things up

But you do have a worthy contribution FuzZy. Thank you. ❤️

[Borderline69]

I have long accepted the fact that I'm both loveable and hateable. I think I leave a sour taste with most people once they get to know me. I generally hit it off right away with people or not at all. I'm not bothered by it though bc I also hate crowds and have a deep dislike for a lot of people. Too many fakes walking around , it makes my intuition shiver. I didn't always like my parents bc they didn't take time to understand or know me , I'm ok with that also. I did love them for doing the best with the skills they had, life isn't a fairytale and I don't have princesses syndrome. I'm realistic with high expectations that most ppl will never meet. My parents couldn't possibly have met my needs, v few ppl can.

Yes I feel worthy of everything life gives me, good or bad.😊

Originally Posted by Borderline69

I have long accepted the fact that I'm both loveable and hateable. I think I leave a sour taste with most people once they get to know me. I generally hit it off right away with people or not at all. I'm not bothered by it though bc I also hate crowds and have a deep dislike for a lot of people. Too many fakes walking around , it makes my intuition shiver. I didn't always like my parents bc they didn't take time to understand or know me , I'm ok with that also. I did love them for doing the best with the skills they had, life isn't a fairytale and I don't have princesses syndrome. I'm realistic with high expectations that most ppl will never meet. My parents couldn't possibly have met my needs, v few ppl can.


Yes I feel worthy of everything life gives me, good or bad.

I like that you accept both the lovable and not-so-lovable sides of yourself. I usually like people like you when I meet you... I wish I could shake my need to feel worthy and to be accepted because I get in the way of my own peace of mind. I am working on this and will keep working on it. ❤️

[Anatta]

Yes, I feel unworthy of any sort of support, particularly from my parents who are trying to make up the neglect and abuse of my childhood.

Forming very strong connections with stable people has helped (i.e. my therapist).

You're on the right path with neuroplasticity.

It's learned guilt.

Originally Posted by Anatta

Yes, I feel unworthy of any sort of support, particularly from my parents who are trying to make up the neglect and abuse of my childhood.


Forming very strong connections with stable people has helped (i.e. my therapist).


You're on the right path with neuroplasticity.


It's learned guilt.

Thank you. And best of luck to you too. I hope therapy is helping you. I never did therapy helpful but perhaps I wasn’t truly ready the times I tried therapy. Something to consider anyway.

[Cocosurviving]

I’m “NOT” a religious person I have no clue how I have so much fight in me. I growing up I lived with my mother and her husband. My bio father was not around. My mother from middle school to high school never helped me with my homework. My grades were terrible. She had a bad temper once tried to help with homework. I did not understand something so she got mad and hit me in the head and punched me in my back! I never asked her to help me with homework again. I loved reading and there was a library near our house (I had seen a sign). I figured out on my own how to walk from our house to the library. Then I applied for a library card and started checking out books. I would read on the weekend to escape reality. Down the road after high school I moved out of state my mother did not believe I would do so. I then went to college while working full-time and earned my bachelors degree. She did not attend my graduation. Neither of my parents have a degree and I did it without their help. I’ve been in contact with the bio dad he apologized for being a dead beat. We talk every blue moon. I’ve was a mental health social worker for ten years. I think advocating for others is just in my blood and a long the way I helped myself. I’ve never received therapy for CEN.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

Nobody deserves abuse. Or neglect. I don’t go with the idea of “making them irrelevant” but if it works for some.

I don’t usually feel unworthy. Or maybe I feel unworthy but know I actually am worthy and more than “good enough” ... and so are you.

Of course, the abusers would INSIST otherwise

PS it’s so quiet in this forum.. doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy..but I know that’s “my stuff”