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Old 01-26-2019, 12:19 PM #11
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Default Re: The Recluse

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It may help to take small steps to get outside. For me my small dog is a great companion and we go on walks which gets us both outside and we get exercise which can help a person feel better. Also a local gym with a pool may help and may water exercises such as water aerobics since LifelongLoner you mention back pain as something you experience sometimes.
Unfortunately, I am allergic to dogs and cats. So having a pet is out of the question.

I joined a gym with a pool but I never go. I save my energy for work. I really don't know how to have fun and always had difficulty making friends. Currently, I don't have any.

I really need to move. I don't like living in a big city and feel out of place. Years ago, I asked therapist after therapist to help me relocate but none even wanted to discuss it. I have no idea where to relocate to. Where I live, people have treated me badly for a long time. I no longer do anything socially. I am intellectual and introverted, and am not a lot of fun.
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Old 01-26-2019, 11:21 PM #12
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Default Re: The Recluse

I like to bike in the summer. It's a great way to be outside, and see people without talking to them and without feeling that you are being watched. Besides, I don't feel awkward as when I walk alone, for example. In the winter, though, it's tough. Nothing to do. I just stay at my apartment 24/7.
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:36 AM #13
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Default Re: The Recluse

I believe that a large majority of us grow up with a distorted expectation of what life is meant to be like...movies and social media are partly to blame.

But there comes a stage when we must choose to strive forward...use what we have and make the best of it. Finding pastimes that we excel at or would like to excel at is a good place to start. Immersing ourselves in an enjoyable activity will not only get you out and about, but will attract like minded others.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:03 AM #14
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I believe that a large majority of us grow up with a distorted expectation of what life is meant to be like...movies and social media are partly to blame.

But there comes a stage when we must choose to strive forward...use what we have and make the best of it. Finding pastimes that we excel at or would like to excel at is a good place to start. Immersing ourselves in an enjoyable activity will not only get you out and about, but will attract like minded others.
I used to be a tennis player. But, I developed chronic elbow and foot injuries. Recently, I tried playing again but I was so stiff and sore afterwards that the enjoyment dissipated quickly. And, I live in a place where tennis is seasonal and expensive and inconvenient. I really need to a better climate and a place where I can have a car.

I will always have difficulty making and keeping friends. Basically, I was raised to be a parental caretaker. As a child I was not allowed to have friends or playmates. I was kept isolated and given advice like "having friends is not necessary." I was raised to be an adult from the start and had no toys to play with and my parents did not spend a lot of time with me either. I was just alone and never learned how to play and did not bond with anyone. Mom was cold; she once told me she did not believe in hugs. She never hugged her kids but she yelled and cursed at us a lot. Further, my inept parents missed the deadline to register me for kindergarten so they put me in first grade instead. My entire education life I was younger than everyone else and the shortest kid in my class who also had a funny name and was gay. I did not fit in. Then, I was sent to an all boys Catholic high school in the hope that would straighten me out. And, also bullied by my mom - her way of trying to alter my sexuality - because she thought I was gay to embarrass her. The result was that I have no school friends from either grade or high school (or college for that matter). Years and years of therapy did not help. I have been bullied on every job that I've had including my current one and suffer from CPSD and heart disease. Lately, I am at my wits end. I think I may have to move out of the USA. There is no place for me here.
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Old 01-27-2019, 05:13 PM #15
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Default Re: The Recluse

Often we have horrible histories that change who we were meant to become, but with tenacity of purpose and relentless repetition we can change who we will be in our future. Our belief and ideas of ourselves sometimes are so engrained that we become paralysed to change....and this is where it gets hard.

Finding at least one or two positives everyday can often be enough to galvanise our resolve to makes our lives just that little bit better. I do know for certain that looking back can be detrimental...and that laying blame is a fruitless exercise.

I hope that you can find those positives and move forward into a better life...one day at a time LifelongLoner, Even though at times its difficult, you can refuse to be what your past made you.
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Old 01-31-2019, 03:13 AM #16
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Originally Posted by Quarter life View Post
Often we have horrible histories that change who we were meant to become, but with tenacity of purpose and relentless repetition we can change who we will be in our future. Our belief and ideas of ourselves sometimes are so engrained that we become paralysed to change....and this is where it gets hard.

Finding at least one or two positives everyday can often be enough to galvanise our resolve to makes our lives just that little bit better. I do know for certain that looking back can be detrimental...and that laying blame is a fruitless exercise.

I hope that you can find those positives and move forward into a better life...one day at a time LifelongLoner, Even though at times its difficult, you can refuse to be what your past made you.

I lost myself a long time ago. If you asked me what I wanted to be, I could not tell you. Positives in life? Living in this terrible and toxic social, political and environmental disaster that the USA has become? You've got to be kidding me.
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Old 02-04-2019, 11:09 PM #17
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dear lifelongloner,

i am sorry your mom treated you that way. there is nothing wrong with being gay or introverted but i know it is hard to forget all that happened to you.

i read a book called 'healing your emotional self' by beverly engel and found it very insightful and helpful. she was also abused by her mom. i was emotionally neglected by my mom but i have started to try to heal myself. we all know what we need. since i didn't get it from mom, i am giving it to myself. i look in the mirror and talk to myself. i ask me how my day is going etc you could tell yourself you are a kind person etc. this self-parenting has helped me fill the void little by little. i hope you will try it.

wishing you all the best.
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Old 02-05-2019, 03:35 AM #18
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I have so many self-help books. I try to read them but get triggered and often upset when doing so. It takes me a very long time to process them. For some reason, I am very slow to process the information and it's often emotionally painful. Sometimes reading self-help books makes me depressed. Some books will get me triggered and upset after only reading a few paragraphs. Consequently, I don't have a good record with them.

I am currently suffering from insomnia. I was having bad dreams - they are a symptom of C-PTSD. So here I am at 4 A.M. after having tossed and turned in bed for an hour. I know that I will get up and go to work tomorrow despite how tired and depressed I am. Work is not going well. People are giving me a hard time. I need the job because I need the health insurance. If I lose it, I will not be able to afford my heart medications. Currently, since I don't tolerate statins, I take an injectable medication that costs $300 per dose. I work hard but people don't like me. It's the story of my life.
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Old 02-06-2019, 04:08 AM #19
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Default Re: The Recluse

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Originally Posted by LifelongLoner View Post
I have so many self-help books. I try to read them but get triggered and often upset when doing so. It takes me a very long time to process them. For some reason, I am very slow to process the information and it's often emotionally painful. Sometimes reading self-help books makes me depressed. Some books will get me triggered and upset after only reading a few paragraphs. Consequently, I don't have a good record with them.

I am currently suffering from insomnia. I was having bad dreams - they are a symptom of C-PTSD. So here I am at 4 A.M. after having tossed and turned in bed for an hour. I know that I will get up and go to work tomorrow despite how tired and depressed I am. Work is not going well. People are giving me a hard time. I need the job because I need the health insurance. If I lose it, I will not be able to afford my heart medications. Currently, since I don't tolerate statins, I take an injectable medication that costs $300 per dose. I work hard but people don't like me. It's the story of my life.
don't worry about reading the self-help books then. maybe just try to give yourself what you need. eg like saying hi to yourself or hugging yourself. sounds like an odd thing to do but it couldn't hurt to try. in case this might help, you never know what pain or sadness someone might be going through and a kind gesture from you could mean the world to them. i used to be very insecure about how people felt about me because i did not have a strong base either. i was so empty inside. but i have realized you can't control how others act, i can only control my own actions. so i just try to be nice. sorry, i think i sound like a self-help book... i hope you will be able to get some sleep soon. ((hugs))
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Old 02-08-2019, 09:51 AM #20
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