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Old 01-21-2019, 11:05 AM #1
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Default The Recluse

That's me. The recluse. On weekends, I can't bring myself to leave my apartment. I have a hard time getting out to do the laundry and the grocery shopping. I don't know what to do about it.

I have a history of not enjoying the company of others and of being treated badly by others. I fit in nowhere. An ethnic mutt, I have no people to relate to. It has been a lifetime of rejection.

I am afraid to even say hello to others. I stopped going to the gym. Being fit did not make me more attractive.

I need to do something but have no idea how to make my life better. Therapy has not helped at all. In fact, I was given bad advice. I will NOT go back to a therapist under any circumstances because they do not understand reality.
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Old 01-21-2019, 12:20 PM #2
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I'm so sorry, LifelongLoner Please don't give up. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but they can get better. I'm sorry therapy hasn't helped, are you doing something to take care of yourself at the moment? I hope writing here at PC helps a bit. Just remember that you're loved here. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but at least it's something. I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-21-2019, 03:59 PM #3
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I was like that in high school. now im 57 yrs old and married with a son. you can get through this, this too shall pass. I never knew would be blessed with anything, but was in the end. Ive also had a very very hard life family wise and friendship wise. you can and will get over this you may have to learn more about socialization, can you take some pshycology courses to help you. even an online college program if you can get one or afford it, take out a loan too?good luck!!!
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Old 01-21-2019, 07:00 PM #4
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I'm pretty reclusive myself except that, in my case, it is by choice. I simply don't want anything to do with anyone. (It's a long story.) I'm also old though & I think that perhaps makes a difference. And the one thing I think I know about being reclusive is that the more you do it the more challenging it is to change.

Unfortunately I don't know of any remedies for reclusiveness (beyond therapy) other than to get out there & do something... find something you enjoy, or care enough about, that you can use it to overcome your proclivity to isolate. (I've done the therapist thing too & always been less than impressed.) There will be times when you'd rather hide in the closet than go out & do whatever you've decided to do. But you just have to make yourself do it. As my father used to say many years ago, you're not required to like it, you're just required to do it. The only other alternative, as far as I am aware, is to strive to accept things just the way they are, which is where I'm at. I do hope you find the remedy you're looking for though.
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Old 01-22-2019, 01:27 AM #5
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I could not bring myself to leave my apartment this holiday weekend. My tendency to isolate is getting worse. It was complicated by bad weather and some sciatica pain in my left lower back, hip and thigh. I can't even bring myself to plan a much needed vacation as I both don't like travelling alone as well as forcing myself to be social. The roots of his go all the way back to my childhood and my adult life where I was repeatedly abused for being gay to the point that I am afraid to leave my apartment. The abuse continues when I leave the apartment. No place is safe for me, not even the gay community with its self-destructive ways.
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Old 01-22-2019, 10:41 AM #6
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I'm so sorry you were abused for being gay, LifelongLoner Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope one day you'll be able to get through it. If it can help a bit... I'm here for you. I'll listen to what you have to say. I care about you. Please don't give up. Try to hang on if you can. I think there's still hope. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-23-2019, 05:50 AM #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you were abused for being gay, LifelongLoner Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope one day you'll be able to get through it. If it can help a bit... I'm here for you. I'll listen to what you have to say. I care about you. Please don't give up. Try to hang on if you can. I think there's still hope. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you
Unfortunately, T's can't help much; one asked me how I was still alive considering what I've lived through. It's a long story. In a nutshell, I was bullied by my homophobic mother for decades because I was not the son she wanted. She thought that bullying me would make be appear less gay; she was embarrassed by my existence. She achieved that but I seem to have lost myself in the process and incurred other mental damages. She did not like me for other reasons that had nothing to do with me, e.g., revenge for an older brother who she claims was spoiled. (He was 13 years her senior so a lot of the things her parents did to help make her brother grow up to be successful were done before she was born and she was not denied anything. Further, she also had music and dance lessons paid for by her parents so she also received the same treatment to help make her successful. My mom seems to have had some personality disorder and was very unhappy because she had 4 sons when her goal was to have a daughter. Her disappointment led to a lot of cruelty for my and my brothers.)
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Old 01-23-2019, 09:14 AM #8
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I'm so sorry to hear that, LifelongLoner You deserved much better treatment than this, and much better parents for sure. I'm so sorry. Just know that we care about you here. We won't judge. I know it's not much, but at least it's something. Think of PC as a little island where you can be yourself. I hope that writing here helps a bit. As I've already said, if there's something that you don't want to share in public, you can vent to me privately. I'll listen to you and won't judge you. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always availabe if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-23-2019, 10:20 PM #9
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Default Re: The Recluse

Recluse, is a good word for me, too. I also call myself the hermit. I am sorry, I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to say that I can relate. I avoid mingling with people. I stay in my apartment most of the days, and not by choice. I am unemployed, so, for me it's everyday. I also had a rough childhood by abusive parents, and I think all my social anxiety problems stem from the fact that my father hasn't sparred a chance not to yell and make negative comments about what I said and did. I have many issues to deal with the rest of my life. I hope you can find your way out of this.
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Old 01-24-2019, 12:06 AM #10
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Default Re: The Recluse

It may help to take small steps to get outside. For me my small dog is a great companion and we go on walks which gets us both outside and we get exercise which can help a person feel better. Also a local gym with a pool may help and may water exercises such as water aerobics since LifelongLoner you mention back pain as something you experience sometimes.
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