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Old 02-06-2019, 11:47 PM #1
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Default Narcasistic abuse still on going

hi, this is my first post on this site, i'm just gonna type a bit about my problem and see what anybody has to say.


i guess to start from the beginning, i am the middle child between two other siblings. growing up i was always the one that didn't really matter. i would do so much for my family, like chores and helping everyone out. but no matter what i always came last when to anyone looking out for me. my older sibling really bullied me and teased me. i felt like she used me and humiliating me as her way of getting the attention she needed, with no regard for me or how it affected me. my parents never did anything about this when i would go to them crying.
my relationship with my parents was pretty weird and hard to explain. i could never understand it or put it into words for any of the therapists i've seen since back then. they would use me, trick me into feeling guilty or feeling bad, manipulate me, and train me to believe if i ever made them sound bad or essentially spoke about what was really going on, i would be betraying them. it wasn't until just this past year that i realized that (i think) this was narcissistic abuse. i'm still a bit confused on this because while one of my parents fits the description of a narcissist 100%, the other parent who doesn't seem like it all was the main manipulator for me.

i always felt liek there was no reasoning with them. they didn't understand emotions. they would tell me "my thoughts" and honestly believe they knew what i was thinking even though they were never even close.
anyway i basically grew up with no friends. they made me feel like talking to kids at school was wrong. the one time i sort of had a friend in 5th grade, my teacher told them about her at parent teacher conference and they came home and teased me about it so i never talked to her again. stuff like that.
i had a very lonely childhood and things continued that way all through highschool and college. in highschool i started to get really sick but doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me. it was basically the build up of stress i'd been carrying around all these years that started to destroy my body. anyway i suffered without knowing the cause all through high school. dreading each day, i went to school, came home and sat in front of the tv or went on the computer until bed time. same with college. i missed out on all normal stages of teenage years and everything.

it wasn't until my last year of college that i finally started seeing a doctor that could begin helping me get on the right track for the treatment i needed for my health issues. while finishing school and being so sick, i basically spent all my free time traveling to doctors. my mom still basically controlled my life but i was too sick and too unaware of all i was missing because i had some really ****ed up ideas about how my life was meant to be miserable because i still didnt understand everything.

anyway it's been quite a few years since college. i've since had a few jobs but i have been having really bad luck with them (them not paying me or taking advantage of me probably bc i was raised to believe i am worthless and owe everything to everyone). i almost have my health back now but not fully yet. i'm nearing my late 20s but because of everything and all this time wasted with everything going on and having spent my whole entire life alone and away from people i really do have trouble getting hired and talking to people(anxiety). i still live with my parents though i do not speak to one of them anymore (because of sexual assault during childhood i didn't mention above but i've had that from quite a few oher family members as well). i am just feeling really stuck though. as long as i still live under their roof i still feel like i'm being controlled. i am scared to answer my phone or call people back for jobs and etc unless nobodys home. i'm scared to go out because leaving the house while they're home is so difficult and the whole time i just worry about being able to get back in. i'm not living in a very healthy situation and that also has a strong effect on my health.


i know this post is all over, it's late and i'm tired and having a hard time summarizing everything when there's just so much. i left a lot of things out but to summarize i had a really ****ed up childhood and it took over 24 years for me to start to realize all the issues my parents caused and i'm still working on them but there's no way to be free from them while i'm living here but i'm having a really hard time getting away from them because of all the issues they caused me. i'm trapped in a cycle, the same cycle for years and i'm really struggling to break out of it. and i'm scared and i don't even have any idea what to do with my life even if i did get out bc it seems so lonely and i'm not passionate about anything or motivated. i'm scared and broken and trapped.


this post is a mess, i know it. thank u to anyone who reads it.
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Old 02-08-2019, 01:52 AM #2
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

Given how much is going on with you--your post is really quite succinct. I am sorry you have so many things from your childhood weighing you down.

I hope you keep posting and find motivation some how. When I was going to college, I didn't know what I wanted to do so I joined AFROTC. Joining the military was like adopting a big family.
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Old 02-08-2019, 02:00 AM #3
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

Hi noonereally

Getting yourself out and about in the world to establish a degree of independence would make all the difference imo. Although you say that you aren't satisfied in your work environment, putting your head down and saving a deposit for a rental with perhaps a friend might be doable...anything worth while takes a lot of hard work.


For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......Psych Central is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for 4 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself noonereally, and welcome to P.C
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Old 02-08-2019, 07:26 AM #4
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

I'm so sorry you're struggling, noonereally It sounds like you're going through a lot. Please don't give up. I agree with Quarter life. I think you need to stay away from them as much as possible. Try to pick a job - any job you can and start saving some money so that you can move somewhere. Is there anyone else outside of your family that you can reach out? Any people that you trust? Perhaps they could assist you economically as well. I'm so sorry. I know it's hard when your own parents, who should be the closest to you, are the meanest. You deserve a much better life and I hope that you'll be able to get away from them as soon as you can. Keep looking for a job. I hope you'll be able to find something. Starting from there, you should be able to become more indipendent from your parents. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-08-2019, 09:47 AM #5
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

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Old 02-11-2019, 09:16 AM #6
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

I haven't made a post yet, but when I do, I am sure it will sound slot like yours.. thank you for sharing.. I get so enraged when I see how some people treat their children. I am constantly enraged with my own upbringing. I am in my 30s and I am only just now looking at my life and getting the help I need.. I am sad there is so much pain in my heart, but I am so glad to have found this site..
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Old 02-12-2019, 04:03 AM #7
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

I think your end goal should be to GTFO as soon as possible but also to get into therapy. Do you have health insurance? I do not know if it even matters about whether it was a narcisisstic thing or not. Abuse is abuse.
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:07 AM #8
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I hope noonereally is doing ok. He deserves to get better and to get away from them. I hope he'll come back and read this thread. Sending many hugs to him
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Old 02-13-2019, 01:04 AM #9
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

Hi, noonereally, and welcome to Psych Central! I can relate to a lot of what you said. One of my parents was narcissistic and I think the other had something like dependent personality disorder. I wasn't supposed to tell anybody bad things about my life either.

I was able to leave home, though--and I've spent years in therapy. I was told not to live very close to my parents.

I hope you'll be back soon, because I think we can be helpful and supportive.

Again, welcome!
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Old 02-16-2019, 12:42 PM #10
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Default Re: Narcasistic abuse still on going

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I think your end goal should be to GTFO as soon as possible but also to get into therapy. Do you have health insurance? I do not know if it even matters about whether it was a narcisisstic thing or not. Abuse is abuse.
i've tried therapy a bunch of times but i've had horrible luck. i have insurance right now but that's only because i'm not working, if i get a job and make over a certain amount i lose the insurance i have.
anyway a few years because i was going to this therapist who was supposedly really good (and really expensive). she basically told me that because of the way i was people were going to take advantage of me. i tried really hard to do the stuff she told me but she honestly treated me with little respect and took advantage of me herself. she lied to me about when she had availability for me to make appointments, i could tell she didn't like me, and the last time i went to her before i decided to not put up with this anymore, she tried to make me give her my phone and had a fit that i "didn't trust her enough". she even said something like "you don't let people see you're phone? what does your mom think about this?" which really pissed me off because it's like she was manipulating me the same way they do and using them to do it. i've just had a really hard time trusting therapists since then. i've tried a few others since that but i don't feel like im getting help from them and i don't feel like they understand. and i don't want to waste money
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