HELP ME Church and Narcissistic Manipulation - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 02-16-2019, 06:24 PM #1
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Default HELP ME Church and Narcissistic Manipulation

To make a long back story short. I recently found out my mom was a narcissist. Itís only been four months. It took me to live with my malignant sister to figure out what a narcissist was. I found it out through my bf and doing more research.

So Iíve only been with my mom for two months so far. I left in July because she was being abusive but I never knew why til four months ago. She love bombed me in December. Which is why I came back. PLUS I FAILED AT BEING AN INDEPENDENT ADULT. And i know a lorn of resources say they love. Recently Ive been studying triangulation and narcissists. My mom tends to triangulate between me and my sister since we are very close. Lately iveIíve been telling her in a calm way to talk to Her her self. Bc I saw that that could help end the triangulation but it wld make my mom the narc mad. Which I began to see did. Because she kept trying to provoke arguments for the last three days. So I guess Tuesday she decided to hide her old phone and record my sister and I discussing her. It made her livid. She basically heard me call her a narcissist and then threw in my face that my other sister whoís a malignant narcissist was right about me. She tried to hit my wounds but it did not work. Because I had been watching so many videos. But today we had a meeting with my Pastor whoís not a licensed counselor. During this meeting my mom played the victim role. When he did try to make her accountable for her actions she started getting mad so he then did what she wanted him to which was blame me. She basically manipulated him into saying I was the one starting confusion and drama in the house WHEN SHE RECORDED US. I blew up and I know that was a bad look bc this one lady on YouTube said thatís what the narcissist wants you to do. And it was true! My mom got so calm afterwards. When I started to get mad and raised my voice she got so calm and made herself cry and played the victim role. My Pastor basically treated me like a child and said that I need to stop yelling. As when I told him I wasnít coming anymore he said I had to and we are getting better.

I know youíre probably wondering why I am still at home. Believe me I TRIED TO LEAVE. I went to college only to find out it wasnít for me. I attempted suicide there and then I dropped out. Then I went to stay with my mom but I found out later while I was in the behavioral health hospital being treating for depression and suicide my narcissistic mother and eldest sister were calling me stupid and weak minded. While in my face pretending like they cared. Soon after I left home and went to stay with my grandmother whoís my dadís mom. She was very sweet and loving. I never felt that much love in my entire life. You may be wondering how I left well my malignant narcissist sister made her paranoid about me being there. She knows my grandmother has paranoid schizophrenia. And she basically scared her into thinking my mom was going to attack her. All so I cld live with her my malignant narcissist sister. Only to have me end right back where I started. Which is with my mom. I feel like I should have stayed in school but at my college I was sexually assaulted and bullied. No one in my family cared and supported me. And Iím not even sure if I want to go back to college if I do itíll be online. But my pastor said I shouldnít do that. And that thereís gonna be assault and bullies everywhere. But thatís not the only reason I wanna finish school online. Itís also because I want to get my own apartment away from my mom and be able to work and do school. I donít think he understands that. Weíre not rich so Iíve been trying to apply to low interest housing and Iím looking for jobs now. I really wanna get out of here. To be honest. I donít want to commit suicide but mostly I do. Iím suicidal every day and it seems like the only way out for me. Help me someone
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Old 02-16-2019, 09:06 PM #2
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Default Re: HELP ME Church and Narcissistic Manipulation

ahh this sucks. it hurt me to read this because i can feel your pain. i wish i had some advice to offer but it's a really sucky situation feeling trapped and having no support system or anyone who believes you and understands.
i will say though, pastors aren't therapists and he probably has no idea how to understand or deal with a situation like this so i wouldn't bother going back there to be honest. if you could get your mom to go to therapy with you maybe that'd help but i also know from my own research on narcissists that they are usually unable to change no matter what a therapist or anyone else could say to them.
i wish you luck though, i wish i could help more but yeah, i'm in a really similar situation and i have no ideas on how to get out. just hang in there and don't do anything you'll regret. despite what everyone around you could tell you, you have worth and you are valued.
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Old 02-16-2019, 09:07 PM #3
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Default Re: HELP ME Church and Narcissistic Manipulation

lovejones, I'm sorry your pastor is not being supportive, but is taking your mother's side. Is there any way you can see a counselor outside the church setting, without your mom being there?
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:16 PM #4
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