Abusive Mother Advice

I am a 14 year old girl who struggles with dealing with emotionally, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse from my mother. She constantly calls me obese and dietabic even though my doctor says I’m a bit underweight. She says I am a retard if I don’t answer a math question fast enough or if I do not know the meaning of a word, but I am at the top of my class. She threatens to beat me, she throws stuff at me, and has threatened to set my room on fire in my sleep before.

She has caused me to have anxiety attacks, especially when she chews me out and curses at me. I tend to cry in these situation and then she mocks me and calls me a diva. She then proceeds to use foul language towards me and then make more threats. When I make a wonderful grade on a test, she tells me that I am a retard and that I only got that grade because my school is too easy. If I make a good grade, but not perfect, she goes on a rant about how I will never amount to anything or be able to go to university.

She does all of this in private though and when I ask my dad to please help, it becomes a he said - she said situation. She plays the victim, lies to him, and tells him that I abused her. My dad has walked in on some of our abusive situations and she then threatens divorce if he stands up for me. She then says that if she divorces, it is my fault and I ripped the family apart.

This has gone on for 7 years. I remember the first time when she abused me. I was throwing a tantrum at age 7, and she actually called a mental ward and told me she would make them put me in a straight jacket and give me electric shock therapy. I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and tried to call my dad. She tried to kick down the door of the bathroom so I came out and she punished me.

She has gotten so angry before that she actually kicked in one of our doors. When I was 12, she got mad at me while driving and threatened to throw me out of the car into oncoming traffic. She then locked me in the car when we got home and I had to wait for my dad to unlock it for me after 15-25 minutes. Last summer, she cursed at me in the car and told me to “get the hell out of the car”. We were at a stop and my father was in front of us. I ran out of the car and into his. She then curses me out and said she was going to “beat the **** out of me”.

When we got home, she got a metal object and attempted to hit me with it. My dad step in and protected me. She then took my phone and tried to read my messages to see if I told anyone about it. Before the beginning of school, I packed my bag and some supplies were on the table still. She then proceeded to call me a “dirty piece of ****”. She told me I am a diva and said she was going to try to pull me out of my school because I am a drama queen who doesn’t deserve friends.

In September, I had to get blood drawn and I have a fear of needles. I was crying and she told me that I am an embarrassment and to shut up because I was purposely trying to scare the other patients. She then slapped me and had the nurses pin me down. She has been calling me fat all the time lately, but I am very muscular and lean. My dad told her to stop so she doesn’t do it everyday now, but she still hints at it quite often. She tells “ You need to dance more. It is obvious you need exercise.”, “You’ve gotten really big lately”, “Why can’t you be like those models on the TV? They’re skinny”, “You should stop eating so much”,

“ I liked it better when you were lost 15 pounds ( I got very ill and became almost anorexic looking )”. When I got ill, she told me I was not allowed to gain any weight back even though I was disturbingly underweight. Last night was the breaking point for me. I cleaned my bathroom lately and the mirror was a bit streaked because of the cleaner. I tried multiple times to make it look better, but nothing worked. She came in and cursed me out for it saying “You purposely did that you lazy ***. I hate you. You so full of ****. Everything that comes out of your mouth is ********. You could have found a way to make it looked better, but you didn’t even try.”.

I told her I did my best and I couldn’t do anything about it because it wouldn’t go away no matter what. She then said that what I said was ****. I started crying and begged her to please stop cursing. She then began to mock my crying and faked cried and said “Look at me. I am such a lazy *** diva. I tried Mom . I tried” she then stopped and said that was ********. She then said that I am no longer allowed to go to my school or to university because I am such a diva. My dad walked in and she said that I called her abusive even though I didn’t.

She said that I drove her to cursing and that I am playing the victim and that I am the one who is causing the issues. When he left she told me she was going to “Beat the **** out of me and that I better watch out”. I cried myself to sleep last night and told my closest friend about it. This morning she acted like nothing happened until she asked me the meaning of some SAT words. I didn’t know the meaning so she asked my dad and he answered correctly. She said “Your dad can get it. Why can’t you? You think you can study your words once and you’re a genius? You clean your bathroom horribly and you think you’re so hard working?” I feel awful today.

I am considering talking to the counselor at school, but she will call my mom and anger her further. I fear for my life if she finds out. She is also the only source of income in the household so I fear for my family’s sake. I will probably apologize and accept full blame for what she did like I always do. Please help.

I recall replying to this post in the Survivors of Abuse forum. But I just thought I would leave a quick note here with the hope that you are okay. My best wishes to you...

I’m sending hugs