Do you often feel empty or numb? - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 05-11-2019, 05:17 PM #11
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

I often feel empty and do not know how I feel and consider it a huge problem because it limits me socially when I stand there blank-faced and not knowing what to say. It makes me feel less than human and inferior. I used to also feel numb with no emotions but have worked on myself to feel empathy for others.
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Old 05-14-2019, 02:58 AM #12
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

I used to feel emotionaly numb, it was like if emotions are dangerous and can hurt. I used to feel everything less intense, because I created a kind of barrier for all the emotions, good or bad. Now that is changing after one year of psycoterapy, and I suffer more now since the feelings got amplified. I became more aware of the things that damaged me, and about the fact I was not loved, and that what I thought love is was just an affection, or need. That is very sad. I wonder sometimes if I can really love someone, and if I can reckognise if someone really loves me. I used to escape from partners that treated me well and that probably loved me, but I just couldn't realise that. On the other hand I was attracted to narcissistic type of men, feeling really in love and wanting to gain their attention. And then I would feel bad for how they treat me, thinking there is something wrong with me and that it's my fault if they treat me wrong (exactly like it happens with my father). In every relationship, I would feel that there is something missing, but I couldn't understand what. And I would go from one relationship to another. It was like searching for someone to fill that emptiness inside of me, but it never worked. Now I'm single, and working on myself. I think that if I manage to overcome that feeling of emptiness, and create a good relationship with myself, I will finally become able to create a good relationship with someone else.
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Old 05-14-2019, 03:25 PM #13
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

I hope you're feeling better, SilverTrees. Unfortunately, I have no advice; only a sad experience to share. When I was reading the PC article on CEN, I checked at least 6 of 7 boxes. I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I just feel useless. I have no strengths. I have nothing. Unfortunately, this is a fact more than it is a feeling. And that's especially more frustrating when you want to do everything, but can't do anything.

I hope what's below is atleast relevant to some degree.

I've recently started to feel a lot of rage for the stuff my dad says. Yesterday he was talking about me going to Germany about a year after I pass my bachelor's degree for my Master's and his exact words were "You'll go to Germany a year after passing your bachelor's". I responded with a "we'll see" and he kept pushing. This got me very angry.

And today, in his plan for a business (he always comes up with some incoherent business idea, which he is spending a lot of money on turning one of our houses into an office. He's lost money like this in the past too, basically daydreaming and stuff. Rent is our only income for now, and we don't even have that right now) he said that at some point, I'll need to take over or at least substitute for him sometimes. As he was saying that only thought running in my head was "If you ever give me the business or the house, I Swear To God I'm either gonna burn it down or tear it down brick by brick".

He doesn't even let me use the bike, My Bike, and says that I shouldn't ride it because of my elbow surgery, even after the doctor told me to. I couldn't even use it long before the accident. I missed a long drive with friends because of that. I don't fit in anywhere. And whenever he's around, he snatches the situation away from me. I don't know how to have fun. And I hate myself.

Looking back at my childhood and adolescence, I realised this always used to happen. He always used to say stuff like "you don't know how to do this" and when something went wrong when I try, to this day, he says "I knew it". How dare he have the audacity to say that. He makes many more bad decisions than I do, and repeats them with arrogance.

When I use something or try something out, he hurriedly comes to me and panics about me ruining that stuff. Like a phone(which I get to know about first) or a camera in my childhood. I was experimenting with the settings a bit, but so was he, in the same childish way.My sister didn't have that problem, so she doesn't have a confidence problem.

Whenever something is slightly inconvenient with the computer, he says "what did you do, it's not working right". Last time we went to our mechanic and he was pushing all the switches in the car, some safety related buttons and other stuff, he should not be the one to talk.

My sister listened to my parents only when she wanted to, and I was a little opposite to that in my childhood. I would follow it with little question, and the questions I did ask were struck down with my dad saying "because discipline", or stuff like you don't need to do such small stuff (I'm taking about driving and riding a bike).Sometimes I think that if I was smart enough to figure out that it was not
true, things would've been different. He keeps changing what he says all the time, I should've known better. Sometimes he says I need to do something exactly the way he says(because discipline) and sometimes he yells "think out of the box" for the same task.

Now my sister's word matters much more than mine, and she has more confidence than I do. I don't resent her or anything; I just wish it were different.

He says that psychology and psychiatry aren't real. This coming from a person who believes that positions of your stars have the power to affect many aspects of your life. If that can be true, how can events affecting your brain not be true?

Last edited by never. happy; 05-14-2019 at 03:40 PM.
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Old 06-01-2019, 10:37 PM #14
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

I have always felt this way. I had selective mutism as a child and have always felt that I don't belong and that I am not normal. when I look at other people I see normal people and then I remember I am not normal and I don't belong and I am just an outsider and I can't have what others have. I try to change but I am constantly surrounded by negative demeaning people. I have no money to get away.
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Old 06-10-2019, 01:16 PM #15
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

If a person grows up in a dysfunctional family they learn to survivie it, and some individuals actually develop some healthier ways of being and understanding things. Often this is what is called "the gifted child". However, what can stay with them is a void they experience that they don't quite know how to articulate or even what it means. There can exist this sense of "aloneness" and not really connecting normally even though a person can be very empathetic and helpful to others. This is what often comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family where it was never really "safe" to experience a connection with another family member, not what is considered a "normal" connection where it's actually safe to experience normal "bonding". That's where this hollow part developed for many who go on struggling and not knowing "how" to fill that empty part.

Last edited by Open Eyes; 06-10-2019 at 04:20 PM.
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Old 06-10-2019, 02:56 PM #16
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

a feeling of deep emptinessó I donít have this
Itís more thisó , fear, lack of "belongingness"... never feeling as though I fit in anywhere, never really having any real sense of who I am.

I feel that when I am bored, depressed, or unchallenged. Ironically, I feel I fit in just fine here on PC and have spent more consistent time on here than anywhere! Also, I feel just fine when I am enjoying myself and being challenged in something I have interest in.

I was emotionally validated as long as those emotions were the same ones shared by my mother. If they were opposing then I was not allowed to have them.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:07 AM #17
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

Quote:
I was emotionally validated as long as those emotions were the same ones shared by my mother. If they were opposing then I was not allowed to have them.
This is what happens with emotional neglect. It can happen without a parent really realizing it too. A parent may even mean well in thinking their child needs to feel the same way about things as they do. This can present confusion when it comes to how a person can develop their own emotional connections and bonding.

A parent can actually raise their child to become a codependent without even realizing it. Also, can raise their child to become emotionally confused and they look for a presence that can provide some kind of "unhealthy" guidance where they end up living with a person that like the parent is not capable of respecting their emotions. Notice I said "unhealthy", that's what often happens when a person grows up being emotionally neglected because the person has not experienced "normal healthy" so they don't really know what it is or even what it's supposed to feel like.

With all our technology that we have now a person can explore different kinds of groups of people and may end up having an "emotional affair" of some kind. It doesn't have to mean an emotional romance either, but instead more about finding others that can listen and hear our emotional challenges, emptiness, needs and fears. And honestly, most people that have their personal emotional challenges, just don't want to keep getting hurt.

Quote:
a feeling of deep emptinessó I donít have this
Itís more thisó , fear, lack of "belongingness"... never feeling as though I fit in anywhere, never really having any real sense of who I am.
That is what the feeling of emptiness is about though Tisha.
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Old 06-11-2019, 05:06 PM #18
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
This is what happens with emotional neglect. It can happen without a parent really realizing it too. A parent may even mean well in thinking their child needs to feel the same way about things as they do. This can present confusion when it comes to how a person can develop their own emotional connections and bonding.

A parent can actually raise their child to become a codependent without even realizing it. Also, can raise their child to become emotionally confused and they look for a presence that can provide some kind of "unhealthy" guidance where they end up living with a person that like the parent is not capable of respecting their emotions. Notice I said "unhealthy", that's what often happens when a person grows up being emotionally neglected because the person has not experienced "normal healthy" so they don't really know what it is or even what it's supposed to feel like.

With all our technology that we have now a person can explore different kinds of groups of people and may end up having an "emotional affair" of some kind. It doesn't have to mean an emotional romance either, but instead more about finding others that can listen and hear our emotional challenges, emptiness, needs and fears. And honestly, most people that have their personal emotional challenges, just don't want to keep getting hurt.



That is what the feeling of emptiness is about though Tisha.
But I donít feel Ďemptyí. I feel what I feel and have had to argue to combat the invalidation. Itís like someone is gaslighting me that I do not feel what I feel no matter how I argue that I do, then I just lose the fight because I donít matter to them at alló I donít count. Now, I do matter to me. I know I am not going to make them respect me. I know it is their problem. So Iím ok with it.

For example when I complained (way too much) about being depressed and the reason for my despair, I was told Ďthatís just stupid!í Itís steering and invalidation like that. My feelings are wrong and stupid because they say so. TBH though, I think they are right about me.
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Old 06-14-2019, 05:01 PM #19
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

I know exactly what you mean, SilverTrees. I think CEN is one of the most "taboo" (for lack of a better word) problems to have to deal with. If you talk about how devastating your parents' emotional neglect has been for you and how it has crippled your life (or even essentially ruined it), people pretty much tell you to stop whining and that you're in control of your decisions and actions, etc. (which is a load of crap as anyone with even the most rudimentary knowledge of how the brain works will tell you). You're told that the way you feel is your own fault and that it's your responsibility to change, and if you don't change, you're just weak and lazy and whiney.

And of course it is up to us to make changes...but as you say in your post, we feel an emptiness. It's difficult to explain to someone that you're suffering so much, but you can't change, because you feel empty. People have to be motivated in some way to change. There has to be something inside of them that makes them want to change--something to live for, I guess. But with CEN, there's just nothingness. And you can try to make changes, but they will feel hollow and pointless. It's like getting in a car and driving but not knowing where you're going or why you're even going there in the first place. You're just driving, pointlessly, with no destination, and on top of that you're in a car that barely works and has a flat tire or two (or four).

I guess I'm not being very helpful. Basically I'm just saying that I completely understand your post and what you're going through. Maybe it is helpful to know that you're not alone.
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Old 06-14-2019, 05:06 PM #20
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Default Re: Do you often feel empty or numb?

Zip....yeah.....frequently. Sorry n big hugs to all of you who get this. It's ******
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