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Wildeve
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 05:10 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
But I don’t feel ‘empty’. I feel what I feel and have had to argue to combat the invalidation. It’s like someone is gaslighting me that I do not feel what I feel no matter how I argue that I do, then I just lose the fight because I don’t matter to them at all— I don’t count. Now, I do matter to me. I know I am not going to make them respect me. I know it is their problem. So I’m ok with it.

For example when I complained (way too much) about being depressed and the reason for my despair, I was told ‘that’s just stupid!’ It’s steering and invalidation like that. My feelings are wrong and stupid because they say so. TBH though, I think they are right about me.
I knoooow, TishaBuv! People don't understand what it's like and that you can't just argue yourself into feeling better. It's like telling a person with a broken leg to stop being so ridiculous and to just get up and walk, and if they don't get up and walk, they're choosing not to and are just being weak and lazy.

Usually, though, when people invalidate your feelings in the way you describe, they don't actually mean any harm. Rather, they think they're being helpful by trying to encourage you and compliment you. They want to fix it. But yeah, I wish people would just listen sometimes, just let you talk about how you feel. It's difficult to tell people that you just want them to listen, because it feel confrontational on your part, and it makes you feel guilty, like you're telling them you just want to whine (which is how it's seen in our world). Ugh.
 
 
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TheReverse
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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 02:58 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Anonymous44076 View Post
I have dealt with a feeling of deep emptiness all my life. I recently read that this can be caused by childhood emotional neglect. I certainly grew up with that. Just wondering if anyone else has a recurring feeling of emptiness? If so, how do you manage it? Did you ever find a way to let go of it or begin to feel whole or complete? If you have not found something to help, please feel free to share anyway. It's an awful lonely feeling. Not something I feel comfortable discussing in the non-PC world. it would help to hear from others who also feel this way.
I'm new to this forum and so I'm late to your post. To answer your question, yes. It's something I'm still dealing with to this day. Doesn't matter what city I move to, I feel like I don't belong or I'm out of place. Doesn't matter that I'm in a great relationship, that feeling of emptiness still lingers because it's rooted in childhood. I've just ignored it and said that's the way things are because of the dysfunction I came from, I figured it would just be my normal. Now I'm thinking maybe I should really focus on healing. I don't want to go through my entire life feeling empty. I think I may benefit from getting a therapist. To manage it, I think that may help you too.
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StuartFalconer
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Trig Sep 19, 2019 at 08:15 AM
  #23
It's dawned on me recently that I suffer from CEN. I had a disabled mother and an emotionally absent father. I never had any of my negative feelings validated. I see now that it means I have a total inability to deal with negative things. I can't confront and I can't deal with conflict. I have no coping mechanisms to rely on except to freeze or run away.

It's meant that I'm unable to put other people first. As much as I would like the rewarding relationship, it appears unobtainable to me while I continue to struggle with these emotions. Yes it means I'm empty inside and then envy everyone else who appear to have what I don't.

Things were compounded when my son took his own life 4 years ago. Intellectually I can process the whole thing but emotionally I feel incapable and this has now resulted in the break down of my relationship with the only person that has ever cared for me and put me first.

She stood by me during that whole time but I was unable or incapable of returning her kindness. Instead her pain and struggles became more and more severe and I am painfully aware that I don't have the tools to support and help her like she did for me. I feel a fraud, a failure and OK, yes I also feel like an alien, different from everyone else.

It's slowly dawning on me that I would be better off in my own little world, away from normality, where I can be content on my own, without having to constantly think about my CEN.

This is not how I thought things would turn out. I didn't think I would feel this way. As a kid, i sort of accepted that I had self esteem issues but thought that they would iron themselves out in the future when I found someone to complete me.

It sounds like a whole heap of horses**t now.

Sorry, thanks for allowing me to vent

Last edited by bluekoi; Sep 19, 2019 at 11:45 AM..
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Default Sep 20, 2019 at 09:54 AM
  #24
I belong nowhere. I am dead inside.

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Default Sep 20, 2019 at 01:50 PM
  #25
Yes I've always felt a deep inner emptiness. I don't belong with other people. Even when there;s brief moments of connection, I still feel lonely inside. I've developed a strong inner world.
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Default Sep 24, 2019 at 07:26 PM
  #26
I have always felt empty and lonely inside. I tried for years to cover it up and distract myself but it’s always there. I don’t really know what to do about it.
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 11:59 PM
  #27
I have ALWAYS felt like a stranger since I can remember. That of course led to extreme bullying towards me, Hugh weight gains as a child and beyond. You feel just empty .. NOT EVEN SAD .. Just nothing at all. Had my first drink at 14 and never looked back. Stayed drunk most of life just feeling g nothing. I discovered BAD MDs with itchy pen fingers and started to journey through psych med world. At 59 finally tired of feeling HORRIBLE found the ba@@z to get off the meds and start REALLY HEALING being straightforward with my therapist and not afraid to be ready to expose what I know is hiding inside.

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