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#21
Quote:
Usually, though, when people invalidate your feelings in the way you describe, they don't actually mean any harm. Rather, they think they're being helpful by trying to encourage you and compliment you. They want to fix it. But yeah, I wish people would just listen sometimes, just let you talk about how you feel. It's difficult to tell people that you just want them to listen, because it feel confrontational on your part, and it makes you feel guilty, like you're telling them you just want to whine (which is how it's seen in our world). Ugh. |
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Anonymous44076
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New Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 9
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#22
Quote:
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Nowlosingsanity
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Nowlosingsanity
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New Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 1
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#23
It's dawned on me recently that I suffer from CEN. I had a disabled mother and an emotionally absent father. I never had any of my negative feelings validated. I see now that it means I have a total inability to deal with negative things. I can't confront and I can't deal with conflict. I have no coping mechanisms to rely on except to freeze or run away.
It's meant that I'm unable to put other people first. As much as I would like the rewarding relationship, it appears unobtainable to me while I continue to struggle with these emotions. Yes it means I'm empty inside and then envy everyone else who appear to have what I don't. Things were compounded when my son took his own life 4 years ago. Intellectually I can process the whole thing but emotionally I feel incapable and this has now resulted in the break down of my relationship with the only person that has ever cared for me and put me first. She stood by me during that whole time but I was unable or incapable of returning her kindness. Instead her pain and struggles became more and more severe and I am painfully aware that I don't have the tools to support and help her like she did for me. I feel a fraud, a failure and OK, yes I also feel like an alien, different from everyone else. It's slowly dawning on me that I would be better off in my own little world, away from normality, where I can be content on my own, without having to constantly think about my CEN. This is not how I thought things would turn out. I didn't think I would feel this way. As a kid, i sort of accepted that I had self esteem issues but thought that they would iron themselves out in the future when I found someone to complete me. It sounds like a whole heap of horses**t now. Sorry, thanks for allowing me to vent Last edited by bluekoi; Sep 19, 2019 at 11:45 AM.. |
Open Eyes
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Nowlosingsanity
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: a place far away
Posts: 830
5 979 hugs
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#24
I belong nowhere. I am dead inside.
__________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
KD1980, Nowlosingsanity, Open Eyes
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
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#25
Yes I've always felt a deep inner emptiness. I don't belong with other people. Even when there;s brief moments of connection, I still feel lonely inside. I've developed a strong inner world.
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Nowlosingsanity
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 709
4 81 hugs
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#26
I have always felt empty and lonely inside. I tried for years to cover it up and distract myself but it’s always there. I don’t really know what to do about it.
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Nowlosingsanity, TunedOut
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Junior Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Chapel Hill,
Posts: 12
4 5 hugs
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#27
I have ALWAYS felt like a stranger since I can remember. That of course led to extreme bullying towards me, Hugh weight gains as a child and beyond. You feel just empty .. NOT EVEN SAD .. Just nothing at all. Had my first drink at 14 and never looked back. Stayed drunk most of life just feeling g nothing. I discovered BAD MDs with itchy pen fingers and started to journey through psych med world. At 59 finally tired of feeling HORRIBLE found the ba@@z to get off the meds and start REALLY HEALING being straightforward with my therapist and not afraid to be ready to expose what I know is hiding inside.
__________________ .. Just have to keep going .. step by step .. minute by minute .. and if needed second by freaking second .. |
Fuzzybear, Nowlosingsanity
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