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Old 04-06-2019, 04:09 PM #1
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Question Should... seen and not heard... lied to

Is this “normal” for parents to lie to, abuse, blame and abandon their child? And to force them to be seen and not heard?
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Old 04-06-2019, 05:18 PM #2
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Confused Re: Should... seen and not heard... lied to

Well... I don't know about lie to, abuse, & abandon necessarily. But way back when I was growing up children were to be seen & not heard. Kids just grew up. And whatever happened... happened. That was just the way it was. And anything a child did wrong, or did differently than was considered to be the norm, they were blamed for. I doubt it would have even occurred to anyone that it could have been the parents fault or that the child was, perhaps, simply different than what was considered to be the norm.

I've written before, here on PC, that I learned very early in life there were things about myself I must never talk about with anyone. And so I never did. Still, inevitably, small amounts of my personal weirdness seeped out from time-to-time. When they did, I can still hear my father say (head shaking): "Jesus, Bud. What the hell's the matter with ya?" I don't know if, for most kids, it's all that much different nowadays. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
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Old 04-06-2019, 05:26 PM #3
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Default Re: Should... seen and not heard... lied to

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... I don't know about lie to, abuse, & abandon necessarily. But way back when I was growing up children were to be seen & not heard. Kids just grew up. And whatever happened... happened. That was just the way it was. And anything a child did wrong, or did differently than was considered to be the norm, they were blamed for. I doubt it would have even occurred to anyone that it could have been the parents fault or that the child was, perhaps, simply different than what was considered to be the norm.

I've written before, here on PC, that I learned very early in life there were things about myself I must never talk about with anyone. And so I never did. Still, inevitably, small amounts of my personal weirdness seeped out from time-to-time. When they did, I can still hear my father say (head shaking): "Jesus, Bud. What the hell's the matter with ya?" I don't know if, for most kids, it's all that much different nowadays. The more things change, the more they stay the same.


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Old 04-06-2019, 07:00 PM #4
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Default Re: Should... seen and not heard... lied to

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Is this “normal” for parents to lie to, abuse, blame and abandon their child? And to force them to be seen and not heard?
I don't think it is "NORMAL" for functional parents to do this..at least the lie to, abuse, blame, & abandon part.

I think it has been normal in the past for parents to enforce the seen & not heard....BUT that was more in relation to NOT INTERRUPTING when they were talking to each other OR other adults in my own personal experience.

Even my dysfunctional parents didn't lie, abuse, blame or abandon me & basically non of the parents in my neighborhood I grew up in treated their kids that way except maybe one or 2 but I really didn't associate with those families.

Lol....my dad had a different functioning mind & I learned young to not believe what he said but I attributed it to him not being well educated not to actual lying. I NEVER valued their opinions because I never thought they knew what they were talking about.....that is a whole other issue that just was incapable of any support other than food & a roof. But I did bribe my dad to teach me how to drive starting at the age of 13 (not on city streets but out on deserted desert roads when they insisted on my going on sunday afternoon drives with them).

I was very different than my dysfunctional parents & they honestly had no idea & were not capable of encouraging & supporting any excelling in those differences. What I did was hard work on my own. The good thing I can say for them that while they were not capable of actual support they also never got in my way. They just had no money to encourage those things with lessons. My only abilities came from what I got in school & worked hard to achieve.
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Old 04-07-2019, 08:44 AM #5
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Default Re: Should... seen and not heard... lied to

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Is this “normal” for parents to lie to, abuse, blame and abandon their child? And to force them to be seen and not heard?
No Fuzzy, it is not.

We were abused emotionally and for some worse than that.

So why can the professionals not take our many accounts on board and realise they are treating us and labeling us incorrectly.
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Old 04-07-2019, 03:59 PM #6
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Default Re: Should... seen and not heard... lied to

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Is this “normal” for parents to lie to, abuse, blame and abandon their child? And to force them to be seen and not heard?
Nope, it's not. The sad reality is that these toxic behavioral patterns get passed on from generation to generation. Sometimes the parents may not even be aware of the emotional abuse that they inflict on the child.

Growing up, my dad was never the affectionate type, but the reason behind that is that he went through a lot of bad things as a child. Since he never experienced the kind of love that a child who grows up to be psychologically healthy receives, he didn't know, instinctively, how to raise a child properly.
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