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Old 04-12-2019, 11:01 AM #1
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Default Emotionally immature parents

My parents were extremely emotionally immature when I was a cub.

They had no idea how to raise a happy and emotionally healthy child,

They were even more clueless when I was an adolescent.

I think I gave the paternal unit some “pleasure” at times when I was between the ages of 6 and 9. During those years he was sometimes nice to me. Aside from threatening to send me to prison,..

They threw me out as soon as they could. Aside from different types of abuse and neglect they were pathologically mean with money towards me, including in very early childhood. But they were very well off financially.

They told me all the time how

Mean. (I had no money at all so how could I be mean with money)

Selfish

Emotionally immature

I was ...

I had no adults to model how to become an “emotionally mature” adult.

What should I do?
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:23 PM #2
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

I think my mother was just, well.... useless.

before I was diagnosed with mental illness she was abusive and horrible and unloving

after I was diagnosed, she was

abusive, horrible, unloving

Possible trigger:


then left the country without a second thought to me
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:42 PM #3
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

she used to have a real go at me when I soiled my nappy

she'd shout at me and tell me I was crazy for doing that and I was a ****ed up kid
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:45 PM #4
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents



My mother also threatened to leave the country without a thought for me

The father did leave the country

Your unit probably sounds “worse” than mine

Possible trigger:
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:50 PM #5
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
she used to have a real go at me when I soiled my nappy

she'd shout at me and tell me I was crazy for doing that and I was a ****ed up kid



I was out of nappies at one year old

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I didn’t deserve any building bricks

You weren’t crazy you were just a little cub

Maybe the units were/are crazy...
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Old 04-13-2019, 04:49 AM #6
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

honestly I think I still am a "little cub"

I don't tell this to anyone, but growing up hurts because I never had a childhood and I shouldn't miss that.

the sad thing about my parents is that they had other kids and abused them also
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Old 04-13-2019, 11:48 AM #7
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
My parents were extremely emotionally immature when I was a cub.

They had no idea how to raise a happy and emotionally healthy child,

They were even more clueless when I was an adolescent.

I think I gave the paternal unit some “pleasure” at times when I was between the ages of 6 and 9. During those years he was sometimes nice to me. Aside from threatening to send me to prison,..

They threw me out as soon as they could. Aside from different types of abuse and neglect they were pathologically mean with money towards me, including in very early childhood. But they were very well off financially.

They told me all the time how

Mean. (I had no money at all so how could I be mean with money)

Selfish

Emotionally immature

I was ...

I had no adults to model how to become an “emotionally mature” adult.

What should I do?

Can you make friends with older, mature people?
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Old 04-13-2019, 04:07 PM #8
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

I'm so sorry you're both hurting so much, Fuzzybear and raging vortex I completely agree with what KD1980 has already wisely said better than I ever could abut making friends with older, mature people! Sompe parents can be REALLY mean towards their own kids, even though I don't understand why! Whoever treats their kids or anyone else like this doesn't truly deserve to be a parent in my opinion, at least until they work on themselves and learn to work like GOOD PEOPLE! I'm so sorry you've had to put up with such HORRIBLE behavior! Nobody deserves to get through all of this, certainly not you or anyone else here on PC! You're both kind, strong, wonderful people! You're AWESOME! Please be kind to yourselves as much as you can! Sending many hugs to both of you and to EVERYONE!
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Old 04-13-2019, 08:24 PM #9
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

That is why childhood trauma is considered to be a developmental injury. The developmental damage is visible on brain scans, our brains are :"injured" in that they have not been able to follow the normal course of human development and some areas of the brain are still under-develop and others are over-developed. .
As for the question "what should I do"? I would say see a therapist who specializes in developmental trauma, psycho-educate yourself on the effects and consequences of developmental trauma, and develop self-compassion for all the ways in which your developmental trauma has affected you. You have suffered an injury, the effects of which are life-long. It is not a personal failing, it was something that was done to you, something you had zero control over.
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Old 04-14-2019, 01:54 AM #10
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Default Re: Emotionally immature parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
That is why childhood trauma is considered to be a developmental injury. The developmental damage is visible on brain scans, our brains are :"injured" in that they have not been able to follow the normal course of human development and some areas of the brain are still under-develop and others are over-developed. .
As for the question "what should I do"? I would say see a therapist who specializes in developmental trauma, psycho-educate yourself on the effects and consequences of developmental trauma, and develop self-compassion for all the ways in which your developmental trauma has affected you. You have suffered an injury, the effects of which are life-long. It is not a personal failing, it was something that was done to you, something you had zero control over.
This is my understanding too.

My MU always spouted whenever she wanted to, to anyone who would listen, "It's a wonder we both survived."

She wanted to murder me or delete....

Now I realise she was depressed but it always said something more the passion she spoke the words with. She never stopped to think she was the one who did not cope...

I too was out of nappies by one year old.
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