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hienieboo
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 10:01 AM
  #1
I want to know how many people in this world has been affected by childhood neglect? I am sure there are a lot of people that can related to this. Family issues are never easy to speak about nor is it something that I would be proud of. I hate how my father has treated me in my past and how he judges everything that I do. I learned to distance myself away from his threats that he doesn't know how to speak to me about. I realized that it is because his father never knew how to related to him either. I am here to break that cycle and be more content with being me.
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Smile Jul 05, 2019 at 08:52 AM
  #2
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, that at least touches briefly upon the prevalence of CEN in the general population:

5 Important FAQs About Childhood Emotional Neglect: Answered


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Default Jul 13, 2019 at 06:41 AM
  #3
First off you will NEVER know accurately how many people have gone through childhood neglect. There is no way of getting that number.

Second....childhood neglect is like a spectrum thing. My childhood neglect was different from those parents with high drive for their kids. My parents had no drive & minimal education so they could function...also because of their own mental states were not well capable of functioning in society so I never was able to learn from them.. I had to figure it out on my own & all I really grasped was that there was so much more to life than I ever experienced growing up. I never figured out what my parents issues were or my husbands (another story that ties in) until I was in my late 50's & had left my bad marriage.....& during those years I fought to get my BS degree & have a computer engineering career.

People have gone through all different levels (kinds) of CEN....& each come out differently even though they have gone through it....the effects are different. The symptoms aren't neately packaged like the DSM symptoms & the neglect that happened isn't either

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 06:02 PM
  #4
The original ACE survey came up with about 15% in the US, a bit higher in men than women. Probably this is an under-estimate since it's likely that people who were neglected didn't / don't realize it....

Here's a link to the CDC site if you're interested.

About the CDC-Kaiser ACE Study |Violence Prevention|Injury Center|CDC

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 07:16 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by hienieboo View Post
I want to know how many people in this world has been affected by childhood neglect? I am sure there are a lot of people that can related to this. Family issues are never easy to speak about nor is it something that I would be proud of. I hate how my father has treated me in my past and how he judges everything that I do. I learned to distance myself away from his threats that he doesn't know how to speak to me about. I realized that it is because his father never knew how to related to him either. I am here to break that cycle and be more content with being me.
I am not a parent, but I was told that parenting is not easy. But ... I cannot imagine a situation where a parent would abuse a child constantly, verbally and physically, which was my case. Constantly. On everything. How I dress, how I speak and what to speak, where I go, where not to go, with whom to talk or not talk, .... etc. My father wanted to micromanage my whole life to the smallest detail because "I don't know what's best for me", and that I will "thank him later" for his great job in abusing me and my siblings!!
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 10:35 PM
  #6

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Exclamation Feb 06, 2020 at 03:12 PM
  #7
Childhood neglect was just one of the traumas I endured at the hands of my father, and indeed my mother infact. It does so much devastation and damage - when you are trying to grow from an adolescent into an adult - within the 'big scary world'. This is how I see the world a lot of the time! I find I can't cope with my emotions (BPD) along with a host of other mental disorders, shall I say.

I also struggle remembering places I've been and can't go somewhere alone, as I get lost easily and therefore panic and feel scared. I still get lost working out which way to get out of the therapy room block - it's like my brain cannot process fairly simple tasks. It can't remember directions and it's frustrating for me to say the least, let alone others around me. I have been tested for Dementia BTW. I am Dyspraxic, I am awaiting Neuropsychology though, to investigate further.

Yeah...that's what emotional neglect alone, did for me as a child (and adult). Thanks a bunch to my ex-parents, both of whom should NEVER, EVER, have had kids.

I also lead a very sheltered life from being very young to my adolescent/adult years. I wasn't allowed out hardly ever on my own, and I despise my ex-parents for not allowing me to safely experience life sooner.

I feel old from the stress of living with my mental health and am generally in a low mood.

Thanks for listening. x

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Default Feb 09, 2020 at 02:22 PM
  #8
I'm still learning about the extent of my own CEN and how severely it's impacted my life. I got a mixed bag of emotional neglect and emotional abuse. My parents' reactions to me were very unpredictable, as was nearly everything else that came from them. They alternated between babying me to the point of debilitating me, and berating me until I cried for not meeting their expectations or being able to do anything. They both struggled financially and had undiagnosed, untreated mental illness. Neither were able to model appropriate friendship behavior because they had no friends either. They both had emotionally neglectful and abusive upbringings themselves, especially my mother. Her mother struggled with alcohol addiction and her father was like a real-life J.R. Ewing, only not rich. He was also emotionally and verbally abusive to my grandmother and mother. My Mom was her younger brother's mother more than my grandmother was, and had to be her mother's mother to boot. Hurt people hurt people. I'm glad I don't have kids because I would be a lousy mother.

I also get lost easily, and easily upset. I can't help but feel that if I had anything in me worthy of love I would have had it by now. My relationships have all been toxic and exploitative because I have such poor judgement in who I trust. It's hard to trust anybody now.
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Wink Feb 09, 2020 at 03:01 PM
  #9
Thanks Serpentine Leaf, it's nice to hear from you today.

Thanks for sharing your childhood experiences. I totally see a mirror image comparing my parents' and their family members to yours. They too were 'both' alcoholics, feeding each others' misery and causing their marriage to be toxic alone, as well as my childhood of course. They both definitely had undiagnosed (slightly different) mental issues. I'm taking a good guess that my ex-father was abused in some way by his dad, who was completely evil to his own wife (my grandmother, whom I loved). I would definitely describe my ex-mother as Borderline, possibly narcissistic (having since educated myself on BPD in mothers).

I too, am so thankful to have chosen not to have kids (I decided at age 17). That was one decision 'I' had the freedom to make by myself and I'm proud of that forever. I too think I would be an awful mother. I know I wouldn't cope with the stress of any of it and would be worrying forever if I had made the healthiest decisions for that child I'd brought into the world.

I admire any mother that can do it! It would be interesting if any mothers had any thoughts on bringing up kids with their mental illness struggles - particularly sufferers of past parental emotional neglect. I would love to know (and also praise those infinitely) how they cope and deal with the everyday stresses. I find life difficult enough on it's own.

Thanks for reaching out.

I really hope you find someone special one day, you more than deserve it.
I feel I have been toxic to my husband, he is still here for me to this day. I was not looking for him when he found me. I was 20 and had given up, considering to become a nun - seriously!!

Look at me now though, I am so thankful to have my husband and my only friend in life, even though I struggle with emotional outbursts real bad.

Thanks for replying, thinking of you at the start of this new week. You always have people to turn to on here. x

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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 12:05 PM
  #10
Thank you for your very kind words, EmeraldMonster (cool screen name!) My mother also has some narcissistic and borderline traits. My older sibling was her golden child, and I was her scapegoat. But there were other complications for her where I was concerned. The younger brother I mentioned who she was more of a mother than sister too died nearly a year before I was born, and she took the death very, very hard. She was pregnant with me during that grief so that could have played a role in my brain development, and added to that was that I was forever associated in her mind with that loss. A further addition was that I was a tomboy and she wanted me to be girly. I wanted to play in the mud and climb trees, and she wanted me to stay in with her to bake brownies and play with dolls. She took my rejection of that as a rejection of her and it only deepened our divide. We have a much better relationship now, not perfect, but better. My father was, and still is, an equal-opportunity critic. He handles stress and change very poorly and lashes out at anyone nearby. He too has calmed a little and our relationship is better. It's my former golden-child sibling who has cut ties with the family, and is a very extreme narcissist.

Every situation is different and I 100% understand having to cut ties with a toxic family as you did. If parents are continuing that toxic behavior with their adult children, there is no other healthy option. In my family's case, my sister cut ties when they stopped buying her groceries every week and doing her laundry for her, usually 3 loads. My parents never did half for me what they did for her, and they realized too late that they did too much for her and not enough for me. We've been able to heal our relationships, but not everyone is that fortunate.

I still have a lot of skills to learn and am looking at some resources. This site has really helped me in my path to healing, and the wonderful people on here are SO supportive.

I'm very glad your husband is so supportive. Having someone who really believes in you can make all the difference in a person's life. I hope to find that some day but I can't help but feel that it's unfair to subject anyone else to my damage.

Thank you again for your kindness and your thoughts. Hugs to start your week!
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Default May 20, 2020 at 09:08 AM
  #11
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Originally Posted by hienieboo View Post
I want to know how many people in this world has been affected by childhood neglect? I am sure there are a lot of people that can related to this. Family issues are never easy to speak about nor is it something that I would be proud of. I hate how my father has treated me in my past and how he judges everything that I do. I learned to distance myself away from his threats that he doesn't know how to speak to me about. I realized that it is because his father never knew how to related to him either. I am here to break that cycle and be more content with being me.
Thanks for sharing this. I recently discover that I am going through this myself.
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Default May 20, 2020 at 09:09 AM
  #12
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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, that at least touches briefly upon the prevalence of CEN in the general population:

5 Important FAQs About Childhood Emotional Neglect: Answered

Thank for sharing this. Where did you find this article? I'm researching information on this topic
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Default Jun 13, 2020 at 04:28 PM
  #13
I don't know what is up with my dad because he refuses to go to a doctor (of any kind, including dentists) but everything is about him. He didn't bother to put an effort into his relationship with me. He only got interested when I got involved in the theatre like him, and even though it was supposed to be a chance for us to finally bond he just ****** off and spent time with those who were in more important roles. It still hurts that he cares so little about me, especially when he tries to act like we are close even though we're practically strangers.

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 05:01 PM
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If there's a next time he judges you for anything,reply thus: "Judge me when you're perfect!"
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 06:42 AM
  #15
I asked my mom if I could borrow one of her 10.5 qt pots.
She said my stepdad might use them. As if he would cook any dinner using all four of her 10.5 qt pots. She called me the next day after I first discharged from a hospital asked when I was coming to pick up my teenager and that she was not aware my teenager spent the night. I corrected her, my teenager did not spend the night. My stepdad picked my teenager up from a hospital at 3 AM, it’s the same day. My mom claimed her husband did not tell her I was in a hospital. She had the audacity to call me back again asking if I would bring her some orange juice. No, I did not take my mom any orange juice. She can have her husband go purchase some. My childhood trauma and CEN came from my alcoholic stepdad and shopaholic mom.

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Default Oct 26, 2020 at 02:47 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by Anonymous40099 View Post
I am not a parent, but I was told that parenting is not easy. But ... I cannot imagine a situation where a parent would abuse a child constantly, verbally and physically, which was my case. Constantly. On everything. How I dress, how I speak and what to speak, where I go, where not to go, with whom to talk or not talk, .... etc. My father wanted to micromanage my whole life to the smallest detail because "I don't know what's best for me", and that I will "thank him later" for his great job in abusing me and my siblings!!
I was also told I ''would thank her later'' for the abuse.


(it's also not helpful when people say odd, invalidating things such as ''I wish we all had had a perfect childhood'' or ''let's compare our childhood and have a competition to see who had the worst childhood''... wtf.

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