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silverblue1111
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Default Aug 16, 2019 at 05:20 AM
  #1
Are there any studies about childhood emotional neglect and the siblings of special needs children?

This is hard to admit but I suffered from childhood emotional neglect. I believe it's the source of the emptiness I feel and my inability to connect. My parents weren't emotionally neglectful on purpose, the reason for their neglect was their focus on my brother with autism. It makes it even more difficult because I spent my childhood watching my parents be the parents I needed to my brother and not me. I was expected to not need parenting. My parents talked to me in logic, not emotion. If I was upset, my mom would tell me how tired she was and how she didn't have time to deal with whatever I was upset about. It was like they would talk me out of my own feelings.

I've been in therapy but my therapist seems to sometimes be siding with my parents. I don't think therapists want to hear what I have to say.
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Smile Aug 17, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #2
Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of siblings of children with disabilities:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ab...bled-children/

And then here's a link to 1 other article I was able to find. This article is not from PC's archives:

Emotional Problems Facing Siblings of Children With Disabilities - Psychiatry Advisor


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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 10:55 PM
  #3
Thanks for the links.

I'm trying to research more specifically on Childhood Emotional Neglect and the siblings of special needs kids.

In Jonice Webb's book "Running On Empty" references multiple studies in the section about Childhood emotional neglect and parens with special needs family member. I just can't find the studies referenced. I'd like to show them to my therapist.
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Default Aug 27, 2019 at 06:04 PM
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silverblue, you are correct in that if you have a sibling with special needs a parent's attention can be much more focused on that special needs child leaving the sibling with very little attention and normal nurturing. If your therapist doesn't understand that then it's time to look for another therapist that does.
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Default Sep 05, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #5
silverblue, I also think that if your therapist isn't understanding its time to look for a therapist who is...

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Default Sep 10, 2019 at 12:44 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
silverblue, you are correct in that if you have a sibling with special needs a parent's attention can be much more focused on that special needs child leaving the sibling with very little attention and normal nurturing. If your therapist doesn't understand that then it's time to look for another therapist that does.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
silverblue, I also think that if your therapist isn't understanding its time to look for a therapist who is...
Thanks for the relies. I have fired my therapist. I believe she was taking my parent's side during therapy because she's the parent of an autistic child. She didn't believe I was emotionally neglected as a child, she blamed my symptoms on depression. It's really difficult to have someone who is supposed to be helping me have such an incorrect view of my situation. She was pushing me to reconnect with my parents and brother (we're estranged) and defending my parents during therapy.

I'm going to find a new therapist. I also have learned a bit about making sure a therapist is on my side before fully trusting one. After growing up having my feelings discounted and ignored, it's hard to have a therapist give me the same attitude, like I'm some whinny brat. I'm so sick of hearing that my parents 'did the best they could'. They didn't.
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Default Sep 15, 2019 at 01:37 PM
  #7
I'm so sorry Silverblue. It's a shame your T isn't validating your very real feelings. It's obviously super hard looking after a special needs kid, and perhaps your T was coming from the perspective of the parents that it must have been awful for them etc, but your feelings are valid too and need to be heard and understood for what you suffered in the process. I can relate on some level - my sibling wasn't special needs but she was emotionally disturbed and was the one who 'acted out' so all the attention went on her. I was expected to be the good child as I was more sensitive and intelligent and as a result I was severely neglected. There was more going on in my house but that was part of it. My sibling suffered horribly, but so did I. I would agree with others that if your T can't see things from your perspective and empathise it's time to seek another T.
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Default Oct 02, 2019 at 11:48 PM
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I was kind of shocked when I saw this post, because I also was raised by emotionally neglectful parents, and both my older siblings are on the autism spectrum. My sister has always been high functioning, but my brother struggled a lot when we were younger, and while I totally understood that he needed the support and attention more than me, it was clear from a very young age that I wasn't a priority at all to my parents. I've never seen anyone else talk about this experience - every time I've tried to talk about it with past therapists they end up telling me I'm selfish or narcissistic like my mother, because how could I blame my brother for the emotional neglect I experienced as a child? But I don't, not really. It's just hard to frame my understanding of my childhood experiences and CEN without thinking that my siblings' needs contributed to my parents behavior toward me, because even though I'm the youngest in my family, I was a smart kid and my mother took that to mean I was old enough to care for myself when I was still in elementary school and I was too mature to need support.

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Default Oct 03, 2019 at 10:20 AM
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