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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 10:17 AM
  #1
how do you all deal with watching other moms and their children

I always think " I wish I had a mom like that", get really depressed, then have to leave

any healthy things you all think that are diffrent and could make this experience easier?
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 01:16 PM
  #2
I remember what a total bastard of a dad I was at times, though it was mental illness pushing me around, and I am grateful that there are good examples out there for children.
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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 05:27 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I remember what a total bastard of a dad I was at times, though it was mental illness pushing me around, and I am grateful that there are good examples out there for children.


I'm sure you were the best dad you could be given the circumstances.

yes I am greatful too, just wish watching these great examples wasn't so painful to me
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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 03:34 PM
  #4
I feel very unfortunate that I don't have a mom.I do have a woman who gave birth to me,but I don't know her at all.She is definitely not a mom.Moms don't do the horrible things she did to me.I have seen my friends mothers and knew how mothers should be.And I was fortunate enough some of them treated me well.I give credit of my survival to those women.
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Default Aug 24, 2019 at 05:04 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
how do you all deal with watching other moms and their children

I always think " I wish I had a mom like that", get really depressed, then have to leave

any healthy things you all think that are diffrent and could make this experience easier?
I grew up with this. My mom is a wonderful mom to my brother but emotionally neglected me. My mom will endlessly dote on my brother and put up with all of his extreme behavior (he has autism) but would neglect me. An example is when I was around 10, my brother had a meltdown over school or something and he was raging so bad he wrecked the whole family room and my mom sat with him hugging him to calm him down like it was no big deal. Then I asked her if I could go to the store because my brother had wrecked something I needed for school and she screamed at me 'why do you have to be so difficult!' That was me. I was the difficult one. If I wasn't completely agreeable and invisible, I was being difficult.

What's so hard now is that people think my mom is so wonderful and guilt and shame me for being estranged from my parents. By refusing to talk to my mom, I've lost my whole family. My extended family see my mom as this caring mom dealing with this out of control autistic son and I'm the bratty daughter. I was emotionally neglected my whole life and expected to accept that as a condition of being born into a family with a special needs child whose needs always come first.
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Default Aug 24, 2019 at 06:05 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
I feel very unfortunate that I don't have a mom.I do have a woman who gave birth to me,but I don't know her at all.She is definitely not a mom.Moms don't do the horrible things she did to me.I have seen my friends mothers and knew how mothers should be.And I was fortunate enough some of them treated me well.I give credit of my survival to those women.


I am sorry you went through that

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Default Sep 25, 2019 at 01:45 PM
  #7
I don't have any great tips for this

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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 05:19 AM
  #8
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I don't have any great tips for this

((((((((( hugs )))))))))


thanks for dropping by fuzzy.

how are you doing?
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 06:37 AM
  #9
I think you’re doing the best you can. If anybody is in a situation that makes them feel sad, the natural thing to do is just leave if possible and reflect on the sad feelings for a bit. If you are able to pick yourself back up and move on then I would say you are coping better than you think you are.
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 10:57 AM
  #10
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thanks for dropping by fuzzy.

how are you doing?
I'm still here, struggling a bit but I'm ok

How are you doing?

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 04:33 AM
  #11
Before therapy I would get so jealous of little children being treated lovingly by their mother when they were clearly behaving badly. I would say things in my head like, "That kid should be beaten.", "She should drag that kid outside.", "I hate children and am so glad I do not have any."

I decided never to have children because of the anger and hate in me and I was so afraid of passing on the cycle of abuse plus I was barley a functioning adult taking care of myself and could not fathom being responsible for another life.

Now after years of therapy I cry and get depressed when I see a mother lovingly love their children. It makes me feel so worthless.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Oct 08, 2019 at 11:20 PM
  #12
Hi Moxie .. I am so sorry that you have at deal with these feelings. We have so much in common. Like you I had a decision early in life that I was a afraid to have kids because I would put my children though the he'll I went through. CEN and lack of emotional support is so engrained in the family tree when you look at it. I really feel so bad for you because I know how it carries on through out your whole life. JST KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT. I know I'm 59 and finally ready to face these demons down. Just tired of feeling used and useless.

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Default Oct 24, 2019 at 03:06 PM
  #13
oh my gosh i feel this so deeply.! Like when i see an example of the kind of mother i wish i'd had, i feel so many things! there's warmth and inspiration but i'm also overwhelmed with jealousy, regret, sadness, being reminded of the way i wasn't treated, but wish i was. and then there's shame for feeling that negativity towards these positive, shining stars that are so normal and loved and won't be questioning their self-worth and missing all kinds of opportunities etc etc for years and years of their life.

they aint ever gonn be in this deep dark tornado twisty place.and I think this is why i used to have some sort of fascination with watching movies/tv shows about families. on one hand i like needed to see the 'dysfunction' and have the main character turn out normal anyway as some sort of reassurance, somehow she finds love or reaches her goals anyway.. but sometimes i also wanted to see the love i missed out on and torture myself in that way, imagining that that was my life.

i eventually realized that this was anther way for me to dissassociate and i had to come back (to reality) and remind myself that there is a huge difference between dysfunctional and abusive!!! like, i was trying to relate my situation to what i saw but my situation was more serious than the romantic dysfunction that goes on the screen. and I used to also feel this sting when other people talk about something their mom did for them too, some cute story about their mom.

it's been so important for me in my healing journey to come to terms with my own story n experiences, because i think for me these types of feelings come from a place of non-acceptance. i'm insecure about the way my mom was, so i project this negativity onto someone's positive situation! so definitely im working on this too,and it's not easy. but you're not alone, and i hope you're able to rid yourself of this habit

Last edited by CANDC; Oct 24, 2019 at 05:30 PM.. Reason: Paragraph breaks
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