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DanceEngine7
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Default Nov 04, 2019 at 09:30 PM
  #1
Does anyone relate to this or is it just me? I have always felt as if I really never liked my parents even as a child I think. Even swimming in a pool when I was say about 10 I didn't even like touching my mothers arm if we were playing a game in the pool. I have always thought they were gross and didn't want them touching me and I never remember ever hugging them ever.

I always felt as if I had the wrong parents and they just hindered me from living my life. When I was a teen I couldn't wait to get away from them, as a child I dreamed of being on my own, after moving out I always felt that they were watching me somewhere and that I just can never fully get away from them. I am now stuck living with them after a divorce but I am stuck in an awful place. Everyone said they could help me get my feet on the ground and that things would get better after divorcing. It only gets worse and worse. I am flat broke, in collection agencies for medical bills, I can't afford to get an apartment, and my parents just make it so much worse (I stayed married for YEARS just so I wouldn't have to live with them!!!!!

How do you get ahead when you are constantly looking at boring miserable negativity. You can't swear, can't even say the word alcohol, I can't even have a TV on because if theres a BAD commercial I will freak out. I hate walking by them, they ruin my day just lookiing at them. I hate leaving house because that means I am forced to walk by them and see their evil stares. I have never known what it mean to love your parents?????
Does anyone know what I mean? Do I have a disorder??
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Confused Nov 05, 2019 at 04:16 PM
  #2
Well... my parents are long-since dead now. But my relationship with them was complicated. I don't know if I would say I never liked them. But I moved out of their house as soon as it was possible. And a few years later I left the state where they lived & never went back except for a couple of brief visits.

I've written previously here on PC that I sometimes think, had I been a normal child, I might have had pretty-good parents at least by the standards back then. But I was far from a normal child (I'll spare you the details) and they had no idea what to do with me, so they just pretended it wasn't there. Plus I, for my part, learned very early in life there were things about myself I must never talk about. And I became expert at hiding my true self & keeping secrets. (I still am.) So while in thinking back to how things were I try to be magnanimous, more often than not I find myself just hating them even though they're gone.

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