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Stillness06
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Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: Akron
Posts: 24
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Cool Nov 23, 2019 at 03:31 PM
  #1
Good Afternoon, I will be 44 years old in 6 months. The past 43 years have been so miserable that I have to sit in front of a prescription artificial light because of my SAD. Both my parents are survivors of serious transportation accidents requiring ICU treatment. When I moved home fifteen years ago, I felt as if I was a child again. I have to look at the scars and see the hurt every time we talk. I grew up in a mom and dad business. They were much more consumed with their business then with my welfare. The root of neglect from my family gave me initiative to do drugs and alcohol for five years. They treat me as if I am a business associate and not a family member. They are concerned about my moodiness. They blame all of my behaviors on myself. It sounds like they are giving me the wrath every time we talk. I hate it. My boyfriend won't even visit me anymore. They neglected me to the point that I filed bankruptcy. I am still in debt and I have to look at myself in the mirror everyday. I see the scars of accidents, drugs, and alcohol. I have been sober for 16 years with the help of treatment centers. When I was homeless, a family member came and got me. I ranaway several times. Why would I do that if I was comfortable with myself. They have beat me and I will not tolerate it anymore. When I live by myself then I will get my boyfriend back and start a trust fund for getting married. Now, I have to keep my job on track so they do not enable and trick me into quitting. I am sure that both parents have their own behavioral problems that they never talk about. They probably have mental illnesses that they never talk about. Our personalities does not and never did get along well together. I hope I can be happy with my own medication so that they stay away from me and stay away from my business. I should not have to feel like a child and have nightmares about my emotional neglect.
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Smile Nov 24, 2019 at 08:00 PM
  #2
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I hope you're finding being here on PC to be of benefit & that you will be able to find a pathway to deep peace within...

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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