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Katiier
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Frown Feb 21, 2020 at 12:37 AM
  #1
Hello everyone,

I just started therapy in the beginning of February and I have spoke a little bit about my childhood to my therapist. This is the first time that I have tried to work on my past. I am having a lot of trouble after each session where I get very depressed for a day or two afterwards. Ever since I started going to therapy I have been obsessing about all the trauma and all these feelings that I have been pushing down since I was a kid are now bubbling to the surface. I have a lot of trouble telling my therapist and any other person in my life about my childhood. It is very hard for me to verbalize it and be vulnerable. I would really like to be able to talk to talk to some people who have been through this. I am wondering if it would be better to process all of this with other people who have dealt with similar situations rather then going to therapy, I know I should do both but this is harder then I thought. Do I need to talk about all the bad things to heal from this?

Katie
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Default Feb 21, 2020 at 02:58 PM
  #2
Hi Katiier. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you suffered from neglect as a child. No one should have to go through that.

My own experience is that too much focusing on what went wrong makes me depressed. So what I try to do is acknowledge what went wrong but not obsess about it. Cry about it or journal about it, then listen to some music or a mindfulness video to help me focus on this moment.

Unfortunately we cannot change the past. We can create a present moment that is as alive and joyful as we can. Or at least we can be aware of our breath and what our senses tell us.

I think the 5 stages of grief are a model for what I have experienced. And when I finally get to acceptance, it is time to reinvent who I think I am and start the process of living my life anew.
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Default Feb 21, 2020 at 07:19 PM
  #3
Therapy is the hardest work you will ever do, but the best/most important. Talking about trauma is usually very helpful...keeping it inside is painful...you could also write things down and hand them to your therapist. Talking with others who experienced what you did is also very helpful. I had a traumatic childhood (verbal and physical abuse, poverty, no father around and molestation. I kind of did my own healing with my sister and a few close friends....Saw a therapist for a short while; it was helpful, but I had already done a lot of work myself (reading, talking,etc).

If you don't (continue) to process the feelings (as you stated), they will continue to "bubble up"--it is the mind's way of urging you to confront them.
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Default Feb 21, 2020 at 08:26 PM
  #4
What if you tell your therapist what you said in your post?
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Default Feb 21, 2020 at 09:01 PM
  #5
I would tell your therapist what you said in this post.

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Default Mar 29, 2020 at 11:29 AM
  #6
Therapy: your mileage may vary. Same with any medical specialty.

In my own life, the hardest part of getting any use out of the medical professions was getting an accurate diagnosis. Without a diagnosis, you can't find the right doctor. Without the right doctor, you can't get the right diagnosis. It's a catch-22.

I only found that my alleged psychological issues had a physical component after permanent structural damage had been done to my body. That's what it took for me to get diagnosed. I had all sorts of symptoms for years that they told me were psychosomatic. They weren't.

It's also a partial explanation for why shrinks never did me much good. But not all of it. I had really bad parents, and the profession has been saying that's an issue ever since Freud. But still, knowing that, they didn't give me much that was useful.

But here's the thing: there are people who tell me that therapy has helped them. I believe them. It obviously helps some people and not others.

It seems to me the thing to do is give everything a fair shot, and give nothing more than a fair shot. What I do is I set a time limit for everything and everyone. One year of grace, and then if the results aren't positive, I move on.
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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 12:25 PM
  #7
They say things always get worse before they get better. If you've stuffed your feelings for a long time, it'll be emotionally draining when you pull them back out.

A therapist can sometimes explain a root of a situation sooner. They can also validate whatever you've experienced as real and that it wasn't your fault.

I went to couple's counseling a few months back and this is how it happened for me. I realized my concerns were not just in my head. My feelings "were" valid, and that I had every reason to feel insecure and unstable in this relationship. It was a stepping stone.

I think coming here is a great idea. There's a lot of topics you can choose from to what resonates with you. I would then discuss your findings with a therapist. Pace yourself.

Be prepared though, you're not always going to come across top notch therapists on the first try. So if this one doesn't work for you, seek elsewhere. Our first couples counselor was actually quite damaging to our relationship. He didn't understand the full picture and the extent of our problems.. and really, abuse. Our second counselor saw right through him. Just saying.

Don't give up. It'll get easier in time. Release those bubbles, one at a time. You're worth it!
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Default Apr 15, 2020 at 09:56 PM
  #8
Well, I can definitely relate. I find that I have a really hard time being vulnerable with a therapist/doctor, so writing in a journal or something helps me a lot more. And because I've kept all my feelings to myself for so long, I get really exhausted (sometimes to the point of passing out) after writing something really intense/personal down. It takes time to get over your feelings, but it won't get better until you acknowledge them, at least to yourself.
Hope this helps.
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Default Apr 16, 2020 at 09:35 PM
  #9
I have suffered from Complex-PTSD due to childhood emotional abuse too.

I know how hard it is to verbalise these things with anyone, however with your therapist its best to breakthrough that brick-wall and be completely honest from the get-go.

Once you're past restricting information, you can then finally get onto processing the memories and feelings of trauma.

My father was a narcissist, this video really resonated with me - YouTube
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Smile May 08, 2020 at 02:39 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiier View Post
Hello everyone,

I just started therapy in the beginning of February and I have spoke a little bit about my childhood to my therapist. This is the first time that I have tried to work on my past. I am having a lot of trouble after each session where I get very depressed for a day or two afterwards. Ever since I started going to therapy I have been obsessing about all the trauma and all these feelings that I have been pushing down since I was a kid are now bubbling to the surface. I have a lot of trouble telling my therapist and any other person in my life about my childhood. It is very hard for me to verbalize it and be vulnerable. I would really like to be able to talk to talk to some people who have been through this. I am wondering if it would be better to process all of this with other people who have dealt with similar situations rather then going to therapy, I know I should do both but this is harder then I thought. Do I need to talk about all the bad things to heal from this?

Katie
Hi Katie, so did you continue with your therapist?

It's a couple of months since you posted this... I can definitely relate as I've been in therapy for around 7 months and really struggled to open up to her in the first few months. I still struggle but it's gotten a little easier as I think my trust in her is much stronger and she does a good job of validating my feelings (good or bad) in what feels like an authentic and supportive way. But she still manages to gently challenge and guide me towards slowly opening up about my childhood. This has taken a while and I think a lot of patience from her. I still have a long way to go - NOTHING is more uncomfortable than talking about my feelings - but I am so committed to making real changes in my life after a series of events (another failed dead end relationship with yet another emotionless guy who ran away as soon as things started to look serious, career insecurities, finance issues ... you name it) that have led me to therapy and towards realising that I need to focus on the root of my issues if I want to fix the other stuff. So here I am.

My sessions are still uncomfortable AF but I am now trying to face the wound head on. My therapist used this great analogy that really opened my eyes - it (depression, anxiety, shame, caused by trauma from neglect) is like going through life with an ongoing tooth ache and therapy is like a root canal - It's painful but the process will help to find the deeper causes of the tooth ache and eventually lead to healing the wound once and for all. I found this a really helpful way of looking at the situation. I hope it helps you too.

Hugs to you Katie and best of luck to everyone struggling with this. You're not alone <3
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Default May 12, 2020 at 05:31 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiier View Post
Hello everyone,

I just started therapy in the beginning of February and I have spoke a little bit about my childhood to my therapist. This is the first time that I have tried to work on my past. I am having a lot of trouble after each session where I get very depressed for a day or two afterwards. Ever since I started going to therapy I have been obsessing about all the trauma and all these feelings that I have been pushing down since I was a kid are now bubbling to the surface. I have a lot of trouble telling my therapist and any other person in my life about my childhood. It is very hard for me to verbalize it and be vulnerable. I would really like to be able to talk to talk to some people who have been through this. I am wondering if it would be better to process all of this with other people who have dealt with similar situations rather then going to therapy, I know I should do both but this is harder then I thought. Do I need to talk about all the bad things to heal from this?

Katie
I understand how you feel! I went to therapy did one session and was hit with emotion I didn't want to feel and suddenly my therapist vanish.
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