[January]

I've been really sick and in great pain ever since I had this last round of shots. It has even effected the colitis, which had settled down a little bit. I have so much to do and need to go to PT and the store, but I just don't know if I can make it today.

Mama, my thoughts are with you today. Oh, I hope your Dr. can help you tomorrow. Hang on, hon. Tomorrow is coming.

Liz, I so hope you feel better today. Can you take anything for your pain? They only let me have advil the week of the shots and then only tylenol. It doesn't work.

Cake, I have gone through your struggle with the d. penalty.
It's a hard decision. I hope you and her family can find closure through all of this. I really do.

Where is Gus? Has anyone heard from her? I miss her.

Kiya, where are you? Are you ok?

How are the rest of you? Let us hear from you.

[Gus1234U]

i remain MIA... glad to be able to catch up on the news,,, (worry about you Blue~ )... so sorry for your pain, so glad you have little miss Belle, {{{Jan}}}.... glad it's almost over, {{{ Cake }}}....

my puter is crashing, PC doesn't work half the time, my games won't load and my life is,,, well sleeping is the nicest thing i do ... catch you all on the rebound~~ :*

[January]

((((( Gus )))))

You are loved.

[cakeladie]

I second that Jan

Hi everyone, I hope this message finds you all doing as well as can be expected. The warmer weather usually brings about a reduction in pain for me but so far this has not happened and I worry it won't this year. I had 2 horrible dreams awaken me into shaking, pain and terror last night. Didn't sleep well so I guess that means more pain today. It's easing up a little but not enough yet. I always think I might wake up one day and the pain will all have been a nightmare that's finally over. I feel like everyone is tired of me complaining and even being. Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way about myself.....I don't know. I just want to be normal in so many ways in which I'm not at all. I got a self esteem workbook and I don't even know how to answer the questions regarding how I feel about myself.

Sending love and support to you all. I'm new here so I'm not familiar with all your specific challenges but I do know and understand how hard it is to live in constant pain of one type, then another, then another. (((Hugs)))

[Kiya]

((((Cake lady)))))
I never knew your story 😞 (plus millions more).
Holding you and this situation in prayers. Much love to you

Originally Posted by cakeladie

Gentle hugs to everyone

It's weird I am very exhausted and our weather needs to make up its mind is it winter summer or spring. One day it's 40 degrees the next day it's 90 degrees. Wth my allergies don't know what to do and neither does my body.

I have never followed a trial like this. This verdict has been a long time coming 5 years it took to get to trial then the trial took 4 months without a body. Now the jury has to decide if he goes to deal the row or life in prison. He's a young guy who has not been in trouble with the law before plus they brought up today that his father who is now in prison mistreated him has a child.

But he was not only convicted yesterday of Sierras kidnapping and murder but also the attempted kidnapping of 3 other women.

So I grew up catholic and I am very conflicted. We were taught not to kill and putting someone to death is killing but on the other hand the Bible does say an eye for an eye and then you have me has a mom. Who has held this girl in my arms. Killing him will not bring her back. Also it's been 20+ years since California has put anyone to death. We currently have close to 800 people on death row. I am all for giving him life if he tells us where she is. That way we can bring her home.

But on a positive note and a good note I slept past 3 am today. Yeah for me.

Take care all

[Kiya]

((((Liz, Jan, Mama))))
My thoughts are with you!!! Hoping things will turn up!!!

(((((Gus))))) aw- wilted flower rest and water and everything working right!!!

((((Mars))))) welcome. We totally get it and will not tire of you! Totally supportive, lively group. Home away from (or within) home.

[Kiya]

I'm here. My mom has been in the hospital for six days with heart issues; namely afib and was in the beginning stages of heart failure due to water retention. She is doing better and is at home today. I am very tired from taking care of two households and her cat. As well as going to the hospital to see her. Ironically Friday night I was supposed to go to psych ER and then after agreeing to go, I went home only to get my moms frantic message early Saturday morning. So I see it as divine providence.
I guess that's not really irony but coincidence. The irony is that I felt safer with her admitted than I do now that she is in her own home. I had anxiety about picking her up and had to come to an understanding around my own emotions.
It isn't like she can't hurt me where I am, I simply feel like she has control and the upper hand typically whereas she didn't have that while in the hospital. Of course I felt a worry for her as well and concerned that she would die. It is complicated.
Due to my own medications, my own irregular heartbeat and missed beats and possibly PVCs have picked up daily now. I had a wellness check today and my doctor heard my irregular heartbeat for the first time. I guess she didn't believe me up until now even though five years ago I wore a heart monitor for 48 hours. She doesn't like that it is so frequent but all other vitals are good. It is just uncomfortable.
She did suggest that I could go off the HRT even though I just had a hysterectomy. She said that I would have to in a few years anyway and that it if it is going to do this to my heart and mess up my psych meds it might not be worth taking. Something for me to think about.
All things considered I am doing well and as always I'm thinking of everyone in here! Even though I can't be in here daily, know that you are all in my thoughts daily

[January]

Elsa, you are so welcome here and we will never tire of you. We all understand what it's like to live in pain and to not be "normal", whatever in the universe that is.

Kiya, it is so good to hear from you. I wish that things weren't as complicated as they are for you. Going off the HRT is a big decision. I know you will research it all before deciding what to do. I'm sorry you don't feel as safe with your Mom out of the hospital. I do understand what you mean, though. I really do.

I've had a week of total incapacitating illness and pain. I haven't managed to do anything but basically stay in the recliner. I am going to try hard to make it to PT tomorrow. Maybe she can help me in some way.

I love you all.

[BlueEyedMama]

Just a quick little update since chest pain is keeping me up. Went to the doc who did an ekg and that came back abnormal but normal for me so that is good. Xrays shoed that I am quite inflamed and have a whopping case of pleurisy. This is not uncommon in those of us with lupus but it has been several years since I had it last.I started a round of steroids this morning so hopefully that will start to help soon. I need to go rest but I will post in the morning and see how each of you are doing.

[cakeladie]

Everyone needs to take it easy.

Gus it makes me sad to see you wilted

Jan take it one day at a time

Christina has hit her wall. The pain came crashing down on her the other day I hope she is ok

Liz has not been on since early yesterday morning I hope she can get some rest and her pain eases up.

Kiya you hold a special place for me since you were the first person I connected with over 2 years ago thank you. I know you worry about your mom but please take care of Kiya you are much loved and we worry about you.

I am sure I am forgetting someone and I am very sorry if I am.

But I do have some good news. If you remember my son's comfort cat McGee went missing but was found several days later. Well since he has been home he has been kinda standoffish I think for a while he went back to being a "feral/wild" cat but has I type this he is sitting on my sucking in my shirt. He also is back to playing with Sunny our other cat and ambushing people

Hugs to all

[January]

Cake, I am so glad McGhee is back to his old self.
That is good news, indeed!

I'm so glad you are starting your medicine. That stuff really helps.

Please let us know about Christina if you get any more information. ((((( Christina )))))

Love to all.

[cakeladie]

Christina had a thread going in her move and it's on there that she posted she hit her brick wall. We all know that felling you go go go untill you just drop. I hope she is ok

[Gus1234U]

[Kiya]

((((Cake!!!))))) I care about you lots!

I am ok. One day at a time.
Mom called at about 10 last night with more worries (and not doing a darn thing her Dr's told her to). I got kind of snippy with her and gave her a list of things to try. Then found out her BF was there. I'm not sure what she wanted from me. It irks me tho, since everything is about her and I am supposed to drop everything for her. "That's what family does"- runs you over without care. Even when it's about me, it's about her, you know? It's complicated.
Jan, I know you understand....

I have another therapy apnt today and I don't want to go. It's with the social worker and last time didn't go well. I expect a tongue lashing. I can't even get myself to go shower. I want to soak in the tub, but this damn HRT patch will come off... It's already coming off and it needs to last until Monday. I may have to move to the 3 day patch... Or just say to hell with it
I've been researching it- seems to be a rather imperfect branch of medicine. Frustrating.

I've got to find a way to cure myself... Sadly, I often just don't give a dam. No... I just don't have the energy.

(((((All))))$

[cakeladie]

Well I got a surprise this morning. I told everyone not to get me anything for Mother's Day I don't need anything etc. I told Mikey to get something for my grandmother and my mom. They both do a lot for him.

I was on the phone with my daughter and someone knocked on my front door. I told her to stay on the phone with me while i answered it. We have had some trouble in the neighborhood so I wanted her onnthe phone when I answered the door. There was a flower delivery person Mikey had sent me flowers from his work with a card that he wrote himself.

It's times like this that I feel real blessed to have a son like him but I also get very angry because his dad wants nothing to do with him because he is special needs

[Kiya]

Oh that's wonderful!!! ❤️💖❤️

[cakeladie]

I know everyone is hurting but if possible please send positive vibes to our Liz. She's been in a lot of pain lately

[January]

Oh Cake, I'm so glad Mikey sent the flowers to you. What a wonderful surprise and what a sweet hearted young man.

What forum is Christina's post in and I will go read it. I've just been cruising here because it's all I can manage. I sure hope she's ok.

Gus, thank you for the beautiful, beautiful rose. Please know that you are a very important part of this group. We love you.

Kiya, I'm so sorry your Mother is playing that game again. Please don't let her use you if you can help it. I know - I know personally how that game is played. They are so self serving when they do that. I have much more I'd like to say about that, but perhaps this is not the time, I just don't know.

Please, please take care of you. How dare that person try to give you, of all persons, a tongue lashing! You try so hard.

I made it to PT today. I had three other errands to run including going to the store. I've been too sick to leave the apartment. The PT told me not to plan to go to the store on the same day as PT again. She said I'm undoing what good is being done by her massage, etc. I just know I'm always down for a couple days at least after I go to the store. We don't have delivery services here at all.

I treated Belle and myself to a roasted chicken today. Oh my, it tastes so much better than my own cooking! Belle got into a little tiny bit of chocolate today while I was gone. I swear, she's an acrobat. She's acting just fine and I filled her up on good food. I'm watching her closely and she's playing with her favorite toy and bone...

[cakeladie]

Also I hope I did not hurt anyone's feeling by posting what my son Mikey sent me. I was just so proud and touched. I also have posted the card and the flowers on my page if anyone cares to see them.

You can't really see what he wrote. I will try and get a better picture