[lizardlady]

This is the first time all weekend I felt like I could post about what's going on with me without burning out the language censors here.

On top of fibro and CFS I have arthritis in numerous joints. Wednesday I had to do w-a-y too much walking at work. That set off the arthritis, which in turn triggered a fibro flare. CFS decided to join in for the fun of it. I hurt so much this weekend I wanted to cry.

I'm so damned tired of this. I took Friday off from work so I could work on Mom's house so I can sell it. Too tired and sore Friday. Okay, change of plans. Do the stuff Saturday. Again too tired and sore. Thought I might be able go today. Thought I felt ok when I woke up. Then I tried to get out of bed. No way!

I'm so frustrated. I know i have to take care of myself. At the same time I really, really want to get Mom's house sold to get that off my plate.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I hurt. I'm exhausted. I have to go back to work tomorrow. This is not living, it's just existing. This sucks!

[~Christina]

Oh Liz exist ? Yes I know exactly what you mean.

Always seems like energy well is dry when we most need it.

Only advice I can offer is just be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat someone in your shoes.

I hope tomorrow goes easier on you

@lizardlady ... So sorry you are having a rough go of things!



Still chaps my behind about how they've done you at work!

I hope you can find a way to challenge them on that!

Even if it's as simple as calling them when stuff is ready and telling them they can come pick it up at their convenience!

Mean People Suck!

[lizardlady]

Thanks ladies. I took a long, hot soaking bath last night. It helped bring the pain down.

Christina, I try to be kind to myself. It's been a tough lesson to learn. Some days I'm better at it than others.

Pfrog, my actual boss is an angel about my problems. It's the a-holes in charge of the school where I'm based that are nasty, mean spirited Queen Bs. I suspect they want me out of the school so are making life difficult for me.

@lizardlady ...

Kinda like my situation at work as well ...

The bosses are great, it's just a jerkopotamus or two trying to create issues.

Well, they may be Jerks & QB's but we're tough old birds and can out last 'em!

In the meantime may they slip on a banana peel and bust their Jerky "B" hinds!

I'm glad a warm soak helped ...

[lizardlady]

I am about ready to toss in the towel. The pain is back, worse than it was. My knees and hips are screaming at me (arthritis), which means the fibro "stuff" joins in.

Then there's the emotionally part of fibro. My pdoc reminds me that fibro effects the central nervous system which includes the brain. Usually acknowledging that helps. Not working this time. I'm overwhelmed. I just want to give up. Last night bad old urges were loose in my head.

Possible trigger:

I wanted to cut sooo badly, but didn't

I just want to roll in a ball and pull the covers over my head.

[~Christina]

Hey Liz, I am so so sorry things have gotten this horrible!!!!

As for your struggle with self harm... umm yeah I get that I’m over 6 years clear it’s been hard at times.

You can always shoot me a PM if you need a ear that knows what that battle can be at times.

Can you take any sick days or even go out on FMLA for a few weeks to allow you a break and time to get things done.

(((( Liz))))

[lizardlady]

The pain is aburptly down to a dull roar. Emotions have settled down too.

I'm taking Friday and Saturday to work on Mom's house. I have a friend who is interested in buying it. I may give him a "friends and family" price just to get rid of it. My weekends and free time for the last year have been given up to tending the place. I need to get it sold.

I like the idea of taking time off to get everything done. I'm going to look into it.

Thanks for the offer to talk about SI. I haven't had those urges in years. I feel those urges are similar to an addict being tempted to use when life gets tough.

[~Christina]

Yes it’s truly an addiction.

I think it’s great your taking some time off , you need a break !

((( @lizardlady ))) ...

I battle those SI Dragons too ... I am so sorry that things are extremely rough for you right now.

A lot of stress equals a lot of Ouch!

I'm glad you're taking a couple of days off too ...

Maybe by getting one or two items off that full plate (if only for a day or two), it may help things to ease up a bit.

Just know that good thoughts are being sent your way ...

Still quite overwhelmed by recent turn of events but still not quite ready to venture into "treatment" for any of this right now.

With all that's whirling around in my head, I finally asked myself what do "I" want, and it's really quite simple ...

- To make it 5 more years so I can retire with benefits (Employer's Retirement as well as Social Security & Medicare) in place.
- To see The Grand Canyon live and in person.
- To live out the remainder of my days in peace & quite with as little disruption as possible.

If I decide to forego treatment altogether, I will live with the consequences of that choice ...

The toll all of that would have on my mental health is far more concerning to me than the toll this condition is having on my physical health.

[lizardlady]

Pfrog, it's your body and your life. You do what's right for you hon. You'll have our support whatever you decide.

Thanks, @lizardlady ...

I'm hoping I can be brave enough to at least have an MRI done to see the extent of the damage thus far ...

One Day, One Hour, One Minute ... Breathe, Pfrog, Just Breathe ...

I had my shower yesterday.

that's extra added pain for at least 3 days

Kinda weepy today.

Simply heartbroken by all the information I'm learning about this Psoriatic Arthritis (PsA) Crap!

Late diagnoses (And mine is an extremely late diagnosis) simply do not have good outcomes (with or without treatment).

BIG D decisions to make and still overwhelmed by it all ...

Heartbroken ... Simply Heartbroken!

[lizardlady]

{*{*{*{*Pfrog*}*}*}*}

I'm sorry hon.

I am just glad the weekend is over. nothing to like about it: no plans, splitting headache, clicky back, panic attack, undercooked foodm, I hope this week will be a little better (she says as she's sat here still with a head ache and with no goals or plans for the week.)

I am so ashamed of myself.

I was a bit of a butt (no, I was a complete and total @$$) towards someone at work today.

I'd blame it on all that's going on with my health, but that is not an excuse.

My behavior was totally unacceptable.

I did apologize and they graciously accepted, but ...

I'm going to have to work extra diligently on my mood & 'tude, because regardless of what I'm going through, it's not okay to be unkind!

[~Christina]

Awww Pfrog, it happens, you made your apologies ... Try not to continue to beat yourself up. You have been going through a lot healthwise and it can make ya grumpy and short tempered.

Be kind to yourself

[~Christina]

Well hell .. 4 weeks now we have tried to take care of a giant Asthma flare, jerky right lung refuses to play nice, we tried an addl inhaler and steroid shot but nope nada ain’t helping. So I have no choice but oral steroids and yeah they don’t play well with my Bipolar at all... but hey I gotta breath

My liver enzymes have been running elevated since May, I saw my Rheumatologist last week for our 6 week followup and he said if it was still elevated he would get me a referral to see a GI for a work up, Yep it needs to happen. I already know I have a fatty liver but my enzymes were always with in normal limits.

So yeah another freaking problem.

I feel like I’m stuck on the worst possible ride at a theme park and no one will let me off, bleh !

My pain levels between all my physical crap is very high... “my pillow feels like a brick “ kinda pain.

I need to get some decent cheese for my whine.

Gentle hugs everyone