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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
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#41
You said there werent any classes. Luv said there were. I suggested dbt. You are not interested in discussions. You just shoot everything down. How is that a discussion? Its really boring for the person getting shot down at every turn. So thanks but no, thanks.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
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#42
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Nevertheless, when she responded to my questions with a contradiction of an assertion that I had made -- with the qualifier "which I have found", it felt like a slap in the face. Could I have taken a step back, analyzed it this way at the time, and gone forward? Perhaps. Why didn't I do that? All questions that I think could be up for discussion, if anybody was interested in such a discussion. |
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stopdog
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underdog is here
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#43
What it looked like to me was someone asking how to create a community dinner and being handed a handbook on bicycle repair AND being told that not wanting a bicycle repair book makes them ungrateful. The responses being given are not on the topic being asked about.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#44
If you just want someone to agree with you, that is not a discussion or a conversation.
If your ego cannot withstand someone having a different existence from you without it feeling like quote a slap in the face, then yeah you need to start waaaay back at step one and differentiate your newborn self from yo mama. Usually thats therapy. |
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underdog is here
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#45
I don't see that as what HT is doing. I don't know what you are talking about.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#46
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Eta - huh, looks like we cross posted. And agreed on something again!! |
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sarahsweets
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sarahsweets
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Grand Magnate
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#47
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So far, maybe what I've heard is everybody should go to assertiveness training. Or maybe DBT. Is that a fair statement of where you are coming from? |
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stopdog
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#48
No. I think people should work harder in therapy - yes, Im a client-blamer. I try to follow missbellas rule of saying things as, "this is what worked for me" but people just call me a cheek-kisser. So then i turn the other cheek and go to another thread.
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seesaw
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seesaw
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Grand Magnate
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#49
Huh? Now I have no idea what you are talking about. So if nobody knows what anybody else is talking about and nobody knows what common interest they have, then there's not much to discuss, is there?
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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#50
I was really trying to follow but then I got lost...
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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lizardlady
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#51
There was somebody really good at doing just what you are asking about but who has unfortunately recently left the forum.
One pattern I noticed are these subtle followings of people rather than the idea or point. What I mean is if A says C, a group is supportive, but if be B says C, a group does not support. Or no matter what D says, people support them. The person, not the opinion. People can speculate on how that can play out, but I see group culture in ways that can be harmful. I think Miss Bella has a good strategy, and I appreciate your posts, but have opposing thoughts on unwritten rules. I totally disagree with the concept that people can't make generalizations or talk about things outside their personal experience (that are not disrespectful of the person as against the rules). It's just as much a valid opinion to say I think all fast food is toxic as it is to say fast food is toxic in my experience. I am personally a very conceptual and more abstract thinker, so I can't even imagine trying to participate in conversations without using labels and symbols to express how I conceptualize thoughts. One pattern that I will not fall into is expressing myself in a way demanded by another person or group or to appease others. If everything was unique to a person, language wouldn't exist. Sure, some may the see the sky as blue, some may see the sky as periwinkle or turquoise or some may not even see the sky at all. But I think if someone wants to say the sky is blue, rather than in my experience the sky is blue, that is ok. We are not facilitating scientific studies here, so it's ok to speak casually and at ease as long as respectful. I'd have a real problem if I took anything I read on a support forum as fact. Of course it's disrespectful to badger someone demanding they agree that the sky is blue if they choose not too. Overall it's controlling to demand someone change their opinion of the color of the sky. These dynamics seem to be common ways in which boundaries manifest. Group think, forced conformity, and changing behaviors to appease others are not things I respect and so therefore will absolutely not participate in. I am also not a fan of peer pressure or social cliques, but thankfully have recently overcome any discomfort related to being myself 100 percent of the time. Here today, by the way, I think you're a great conversationalist. |
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seesaw, unaluna
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Fuzzybear, here today, seesaw, unaluna
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Human
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#52
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
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#53
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Anonymous56789
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#54
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FriendlyJoe, here today
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Grand Magnate
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#55
I think an issue for me is to try to be more watchful about when I am emotionally involved and triggered and defensive. Because then I am so caught up in my own experience and existence that it is near impossible for me to see anybody's perspective but my own.
But I actually also It's just that when I'm stuck inside my own emotionality, it's difficult to do. Probably difficult for others, too. |
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Fuzzybear
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#56
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here today
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Grand Magnate
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#57
I don't know about anybody else -- I started this thread to try to address a situation in the community that bothered and upset me.
AND -- it looks like I've gotten some answers that may help me not to get so bothered and upset in the future, though in a roundabout way and not how I expected it. I don't know much about living in a community -- one of my many issues, faults, and/or failings, I guess you could say. I can fake it, but I don't have much experience, and don't know very well how to be myself, AND in a community. I got some experience here, thanks everybody for that, and some answers that may work for me personally. Is there anything else related to the situation of differing opinions on threads that anyone would like to address? Venting frustration about common themes seems very related to the topic. Venting frustration about how people tend to overlook the stated purpose of the forums seems OK, too. But -- those are different topics. AND, even though we're discussing stuff here, it's in the Community Feedback forum and in the interest, hopefully, of supporting people deal with differing opinions on threads. |
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Fuzzybear
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stopdog
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#58
I try to keep caring about my fellow travelers here.
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Fuzzybear, seesaw
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Fuzzybear, seesaw
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Grand Member
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#59
Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?
This thread has devolved into the definition of irony Could we attribute this to human nature? __________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
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Fuzzybear, lizardlady, unaluna
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lizardlady
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#60
Thanks here today for starting this discussion. I haven’t read all of it yet but think it may be of value to many
I too try to keep caring about my fellow travellers here .... __________________ |
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unaluna
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unaluna
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