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#1
Hi everyone, I am quite confused about a trend I have noted on PC. There are particular threads or forums which seem to perpetually trigger some very nasty responses. In particular, posts related to sex and infidelity. I am honestly baffled by this. Here's what I do not understand....if we are a supportive community, shouldn't the support be for everyone? Whether they are struggling with a sexual problem or struggling with an affair? If some members are triggered by those problems, then why don't they avoid the threads? Why go on and post rude and judgmental things to someone in pain? I really do not understand it.
Am I missing something? I don't think there is anything in the community guidelines saying that a man or woman having an affair cannot come to PC for support. Or that sexual issues should not be addressed....given that there is in fact a sex forum. People with sexual problems or struggling with an affair could also be dealing with intense anxiety and depression. |
Anonymous55879
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speckofdust
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#2
Yes, I agree. Most people caught up in these things may already be experiencing shame but have trouble stopping. Just like I keep peeking at PC when I should be working. For many of us, sex is a powerful escape since it triggers so many feel good chemicals. Sex is a drug for many, even when it is only a fantasy in our mind. I sometimes use it to distract myself from pain.
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#3
I reported a very judgmental post on a thread and apparently it was considered fair game. So I am perplexed. I don't think it's possible to judge and support a person at the same time. They are opposite approaches.
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Anonymous55879
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Founder & Your Host
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Member Since May 2001
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#4
Members should avoid any thread that has potentially-trigger material in it, if they are indeed triggered.
Members should post in a supportive manner, even if they disagree with another member's behaviors, thoughts, or feelings. Nobody should be here to judge another person. If you feel like you can't post in a supportive manner -- remember, criticism can be done supportively and constructively! -- then you probably should refrain from posting to that particular thread altogether. Members should report any replies to such threads they feel are unsupportive for the community team to take a look at the reply and see if it needs to be removed. Thanks! __________________ Don't throw away your shot. |
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#5
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Guest
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#6
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A suggestion I'd like to make, if I may, is that perhaps the community team could spend some extra time looking over the Relationships and Sex forums. Those seem to be the ones where the nasty responses often happen. |
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Human
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#7
I agree that if we find ourselves too emotional about someone else's post, as in it triggers our feelings about cheating or affairs, then we should refrain from posting. But sometimes we don't realize we're triggered and we respond anyways. So then ideally the moderators would step in.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#8
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#9
Just commenting - in general, abusers or perpetrators are not welcome to be members on the site, so this is not usually an issue. So i would guess this situation is more of a victimless crime situation, or one of adult autonomy.
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#10
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I have bpd/aspd. Two of the most stigmatized disorders in the mental health community. You should hear the things people say about me based on my diagnoses alone. Once again I am feeling unwelcome. I am a victim of childhood abuse and trauma. I have a severely fractured personality because of it. I constantly read online that I am a ****** person, even though I have tried meds and therapy and do everything in my power to cope with the hand I was dealt. A hand that I never asked for. What I have heard here is that this is a "victims only" site and once you display negative behaviors, it doesnt matter that you are a victim too. I am beyond disappointed in this site, community and response. No one wants a pedophile in their backyard (for example), no one wants to help them, no one wants to hear their story. Nobody is trying to help the "abusers" because apparently abusers cant be victims. So on behalf of every person here who has ever been the abuser, thank you for denying us any support or an opportunity to change/learn/grow. Thank you for labelling us and reminding us that no matter how badly we may be hurting, we dont matter and we dont belong. |
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Anonymous44076, Anonymous49426, unaluna
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unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#11
Sorry my post upset you. I think we have more in common than not, and i was not speaking against you, because then i would be speaking against myself.
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Human
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#12
Quote:
Seesaw __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Anonymous55879
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#13
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Surely you are not likening rape or pedophilia to a spouse having an affair or a sexual problem between a husband and wife. I assume you are not and perhaps my post just wasn't specific enough though i thought I was quite clear. |
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#14
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You sound really hurt right now. I am sorry for it and particularly if my posts were offensive to you. Unintended. I think my brother is living with either undiagnosed BPD or NPD. He has hurt me a great deal but the person he hurts most is himself. I still offer my love and support if/when he wishes to reach out. And I would defend him from anyone who started suggesting he was less than human or undeserving of respect. He said he's worried that when he dies, nobody will say anything good about him at his funeral because they will only remember the bad things he has done. I remember all of it, good and not so good, and if he dies before me I will have plenty of good things to say about him at his funeral. Including three important times when he helped me. Not one of us is all good or all awful. Humans are a mucky combination of positive and negative traits. I agree with a comment from Sam Harris (a neuroscientist): "If you had the brain of a serial killer, you'd be killing people too." That is a very troubling idea for many but I think it's true. Here's a genuine and safe for you Chaotic Enigma. Last edited by Anonymous44076; May 02, 2019 at 02:07 PM.. |
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unaluna
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Founder & Your Host
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#15
This should come as no surprise, as it's in the community guidelines that every member must agree to before becoming a member of the site. (If you don't read them, that's on you, not us.) Specifically:
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__________________ Don't throw away your shot. |
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ArtleyWilkins, Crazy Hitch, possum220
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#16
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I was thinking that if someone contemplating an affair, or struggling in the midst of one, could post on PC and receive support they may be more likely to find the help they need in order to make different choices. However, if they are shamed, perhaps they will simply return to a silent and troubled double-life? |
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Anonymous55879
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#17
Check. I have abused people emotionally as a byproduct of my disorders. I have also been abused myself. I didnt come here to hurt anyone, but I also can not stay where I dont feel welcome.
No wonder the cycle of abuse continues. I suggest you remove the Cluster B personality disorder section of this site all together. Im not familiar with a narcissist, borderline or antisocial who has never intentionally or inadvertently abused someone. We are the traumatized whom nobody wants to help. For shame that support and help is only available to people who meet certain criteria. The next time you go to vilanize and demonize us, remember that you are the same people who refuse to help. Psychcentral: Home for the friendly mentally ill. Please remove me from this site. My new mission is to create a space where those of us who are stigmatized and shoved away can exist. Where we can get help, without you. We are not hopeless, inspite of the fact that society has written us off. So very disappointed in PC and everyone who believes that we dont deserve help too. That we are not worthy. Everyone feels bad for my significant childhood trauma. Everyone expects me to suck it up. "Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future". Shame on PC. Next time someone is abused, remember that maybe you treating them like human beings, damaged human beings, might have changed the outcome. |
Anonymous44076, Crazy Hitch
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#18
I would like to sincerely thank everyone who posted on my thread here. Whether we agree or not. I don't mind sharing that my depression is particularly troubling today. I believe that is why I was increasingly bothered by some judgmental responses I read on other threads. It's helpful for all of us to remember that any faceless poster could be in a whole world of misery and we may not even know it. For example, my partner thinks I am okay today and he lives with me
Peace and hope to all. |
Anonymous55879
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#19
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#20
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Anonymous44076, Anonymous49426
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Closed Thread |
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