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Default May 12, 2019 at 10:00 PM
  #1
Can we please stop doing this. It's super upsetting to me to see other people refer to someone they know as a "depressive" or a borderline or identifying them AS their disorder. They and we are people who have a health condition. Please do not identify me by my disorder.

I find it really upsetting that others here do this and would just request that we all think before we refer to anyone AS their disorder. Even if it's someone we dislike. There are people here with all kinds of disorders and referring to someone AS their disorder like it's an insult or derogatory thing and not just a condition they have really makes me feel bad about myself, and I think it may have that affect on others too, although I will only speak for myself.

My disorder is not a punchline or an insult.

Thank you.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 05:26 AM
  #2
Different people feel differently about this sort of thing. Some people don't mind being called diabetic, some people do.

Others should respect your preferences in this matter if speaking to you directly. Otherwise, we all should respect other people's preferences with this kind of labeling, even if they're not ours and don't match our opinion. It's like respecting the pronouns of someone who is goes by non-traditional genders.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 09:40 AM
  #3
Unfortunately seesaw, a lot of people struggle with understanding boundaries. Few people understand mental health challenges too, and for those of us that suffer from a mental health challenge, often it's hard to even understand our own mental health challenge. I noticed that you made it a point to include your personal challenge so that anytime you post people can see these challenges. Perhaps some people think you need to be identified by the challenges you listed?

I suffer from complex ptsd myself and what I have learned about it is that one of the reasons I developed this challenge is due to having my boundaries invaded, and that goes way back for me. It goes so far back for me that I did not even KNOW what boundaries even meant. I wish I could be able to say that I suffer from complex ptsd and have that actually respected. Unfortunately, a large percentage of people don't really KNOW anything about this challenge and they tend to say all the wrong things that keep saying to me that I should and just and forget proving to me they simply don't know how to respect my challenge AT ALL.

Maybe you might reduce this challenge if you remove it from what comes up when you post something? You are right, you do struggle with those challenges, but you are still a person who is more than just that list you have that outlines your challenges. If a person wants to know my personal mental health challenge they can look that up on my profile page. I try to post just as "me" though, even though I do definitely suffer from a mental health challenge. What I learned from this site is that I can look up someone's challenge and read about it and try to respect what that person's challenge means when I post in their thread. Sometimes I am helpful and sometimes not. I try to understand and respect as I would like to be respected myself. I am never going to be perfect, I try to do my best and continue to learn.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 09:51 AM
  #4
Interesting post Seesaw. I think labels are definitely tricky and there does seem to be a range of responses. Recently, I read that some folks would like to end use of "queer" for gay but I know two people offline who prefer that term for themselves. So I think every individual perceives the label differently. I live with depression and I wouldn't mind the term 'depressive' so long as it wasn't used in a negative sense such as "weak depressive" or something like that. Though you will see on my profile page that I did not list my diagnoses because I prefer people to "meet" me as a person first in my own right.

Thank you for sharing your truth and I will keep it in the front of my mind when I post. Words certainly do have an impact on our feelings. It just may not be the same impact for each person. Peace to you.
 
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Default May 13, 2019 at 09:55 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocJohn View Post
Different people feel differently about this sort of thing. Some people don't mind being called diabetic, some people do.

Others should respect your preferences in this matter if speaking to you directly. Otherwise, we all should respect other people's preferences with this kind of labeling, even if they're not ours and don't match our opinion. It's like respecting the pronouns of someone who is goes by non-traditional genders.
Those people aren't being called diabetic in a derogatory sense. Furthermore there is a difference between saying someone IS diabetic and calling them A diabetic. Also, people being called diabetic aren't being called it in a derogatory sense. And the examples I was using were specifically in a derogatory sense to demean the person. And by the way, they don't like diabetes being used as a punchline or insult either.

You've completely missed the point and are contributing to the stigma in this, and that makes me sad. This is supposed to be a safe place.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 09:58 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Interesting post Seesaw. I think labels are definitely tricky and there does seem to be a range of responses. Recently, I read that some folks would like to end use of "queer" for gay but I know two people offline who prefer that term for themselves. So I think every individual perceives the label differently. I live with depression and I wouldn't mind the term 'depressive' so long as it wasn't used in a negative sense such as "weak depressive" or something like that. Though you will see on my profile page that I did not list my diagnoses because I prefer people to "meet" me as a person first in my own right.

Thank you for sharing your truth and I will keep it in the front of my mind when I post. Words certainly do have an impact on our feelings. It just may not be the same impact for each person. Peace to you.
The context I was referring to was specifically using those labels to be insulting to the person, like their illness is some kind of identity or character flaw.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default May 13, 2019 at 10:10 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
The context I was referring to was specifically using those labels to be insulting to the person, like their illness is some kind of identity or character flaw.
Thank you for elaborating Seesaw. I have had both experiences in my life: people who wanted to help or understand and people who wanted to judge. What works for me is to remember that my thoughts and feelings about myself do not have to depend on the attitudes of others around me. I was actually really surprised once when an offline friend shared her true thoughts about depression. She did not know about my diagnosis and shared her belief that it is a form of attention-seeking. She does not recognize depression as an illness. I was stunned for a few moments. I did not share with her. Later as I reflected on her words I thought: I am glad for her that she has never experienced depression and therefore does not understand it. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone. So basically her words were a cue to me that she would not be someone I'd share my struggles with and that worked out okay. She's actually a very kind person; just has no idea about depression. I don't know if this helps you Seesaw? Just sharing a few of my thoughts.
 
 
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Default May 13, 2019 at 10:21 AM
  #8
I am seeing new videos and articles on how to respond to someone with depression...what to say....what not to say. I think those are a great idea! I gave an article to my partner to read. He said it helped him to know what to say on my bad days. He had no knowledge of depression prior to meeting me.
 
 
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Default May 13, 2019 at 10:48 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Thank you for elaborating Seesaw. I have had both experiences in my life: people who wanted to help or understand and people who wanted to judge. What works for me is to remember that my thoughts and feelings about myself do not have to depend on the attitudes of others around me. I was actually really surprised once when an offline friend shared her true thoughts about depression. She did not know about my diagnosis and shared her belief that it is a form of attention-seeking. She does not recognize depression as an illness. I was stunned for a few moments. I did not share with her. Later as I reflected on her words I thought: I am glad for her that she has never experienced depression and therefore does not understand it. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone. So basically her words were a cue to me that she would not be someone I'd share my struggles with and that worked out okay. She's actually a very kind person; just has no idea about depression. I don't know if this helps you Seesaw? Just sharing a few of my thoughts.
Silvertrees, it's completely different to talk about your friend out in the world. I am not looking for help. I'm giving feedback to this community. What I am referring to is something I am seeing members here, who I would hope have a better understanding of the stigma of mental health, do to stigmatize other people who also have mental illness. I'm specifically talking about a behavior on a mental health forum. I have no problem discerning in my own life who to go to for support and who to not go to for support.

What I was hoping to do was bring some attention to the membership here that when we do this, when we use mental illness as a derogatory insult against each other HERE, that we contributing to a lack of safety and damaging our supportive environment.

I personally do not respond to threads where I see this occur, but I have seen it happen enough that I felt it was important to raise as an issue. I have depression. When I see a thread where a person is referred to as a "whiny depressive," I feel judged myself. Again, it's not a reflection on me, and I can take care of myself, but it contributes to creating a negative environment. I was hoping that others would take a moment to think about this and think about their words when posting. That's all. People can agree or disagree and do whatever they want.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
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Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default May 13, 2019 at 11:08 AM
  #10
Seesaw, I also have noticed this behaviour. And I agree that it contributes to a lack of safety and damages our supportive environment. Thank you for posting here what I’m sure many others have also noticed at times.
(Whether or not they would post in this feedback forum, quite likely not. )
There is far too much stigma against mental illness and mental health disorders and it saddens me when I notice it here too.

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Default May 13, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #11
Okay Seesaw. I think I see what you mean. Personally, I have not seen any derogatory references to depressives on PC. I received some very kind and supportive replies to my posts about depression. That said, I am sorry you had that experience and I understand that it would be hurtful and make it harder to share about your depression. And I respect the fact that you want to contribute to a safe space for folks living with mental illness. If I ever unwittingly post something which seems to add to the stigma, please let me know. Thank you for sharing your perspective here.
 
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Default May 13, 2019 at 11:53 AM
  #12
People-first language is critically important.

Thank you for mentioning this, seesaw.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 01:42 PM
  #13
yes there is a difference in referring to someone as their disorder in a demeaning way vs mentioning they have that disorder.

that said for those who are sensitive to others knowing what their mental disorders are they can go into their profiles and make sure that their mental disorders are not listed as part of their profiles. for this site its not required to list mental disorders in your profiles. you can set them at "rather not say" or or not filled in at all.
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Default May 13, 2019 at 03:19 PM
  #14
For me, it is a matter of grammar rather than anything else. The gist of the post will tell you where the person stands, not the exact vocabulary.

I say I AM an aspie but I HAVE ADD. That is because it sounds right. For me it doesn't mean I identify as having aspergers but not identifying as having ADD. Actually I strongly identify with both. If someone wants me to say I only "have" aspergers, I'd actually get really angry. It means that I would want to be separated from having it, and that would be the end of me as a person.

In most cases, grammar is what rules how they say it. I hope we can see beyond that. And also accept if someone actually do identify with their "illness".

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Default May 13, 2019 at 04:14 PM
  #15
Sorry I misunderstood. You originally wrote:

Quote:
There are people here with all kinds of disorders and referring to someone AS their disorder like it's an insult or derogatory thing and not just a condition they have really makes me feel bad about myself, and I think it may have that affect on others too, although I will only speak for myself.
But didn't provide any examples for me to understand where someone was calling someone by their label here on our community specifically to insult them. I am very sorry to hear that others are using your diagnostic label against you specifically as an insult. That is not allowed behavior in our community.

As you're probably aware, we don't allow unsupportive or insulting posts in the community, no matter what term someone is using. If someone is insulting or being derogatory to another member, we should be made aware of the issue through the reporting button.

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Last edited by DocJohn; May 13, 2019 at 04:37 PM..
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Default May 13, 2019 at 06:49 PM
  #16
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Originally Posted by DocJohn View Post
Sorry I misunderstood. You originally wrote:


But didn't provide any examples for me to understand where someone was calling someone by their label here on our community specifically to insult them. I am very sorry to hear that others are using your diagnostic label against you specifically as an insult. That is not allowed behavior in our community.

As you're probably aware, we don't allow unsupportive or insulting posts in the community, no matter what term someone is using. If someone is insulting or being derogatory to another member, we should be made aware of the issue through the reporting button.
Thanks, DocJohn. I think I was trying to avoid being too specific initially, but of course, that led to confusion. SMH.

I appreciate everyone's awareness to this.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Default May 21, 2019 at 05:21 PM
  #17
I am ok with people saying that "tecomsin is bipolar", "tecomsin is a bipolar", "tecomsin has bipolar", etc. I think there is so much stigma associated with the word bipolar that it doesn't make any difference how the reference is made. Once the word 'bipolar' is out there, it's a whole new ball game in terms of how people will relate.

I am only referring of course to myself here. I have gone to self help groups and not mentioned for a long time if ever that I had this disordered because I think the stigma is irreducible, never goes away and affects forever how people will see me, independent of what else they do or do not know about me.

I can understand how people might see it differently but this is how I feel about it.

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Default May 22, 2019 at 07:28 PM
  #18
The issue with labels is a touchy one. mental illness is still such a sensitive issue....even amongst those who have one. I have seen people target others because in their opinion others don't measure up to what their standard of "illness" is. Some people feel that medicines are the way towards management, others, not. Labels applied to people can be tricky. What i accept as a label is fine. Should i apply the same label to another without first asking? probably not. boundaries. always important. even for those of us with mental illness (which as i take it to believe is most everyone on these forums). some people might not be called bipolar but not dissociative disorder/bipolar , say if they have a dual diagnosis for example. or perhaps they want to be selective about a substance abuse disorder. it boils down to what the individual is comfortable with..since it is their life, no one else's.
 
 
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Default May 22, 2019 at 07:54 PM
  #19
This thread has been closed at the OP's request.
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