[sarahsweets]

Hey @luvyrself I want to say I get it, I really do.

Originally Posted by luvyrself

Yes, I agree that the best thing on the forum is when people accept us, understand us, and validate us. However, in my life, I want tips and information very much. Often the person is asking a specific question.

There are times that I wish more info was shared. And sometimes I will ask something like "if you are comfortable sharing xyz would you mind elaborating?" This allows that person to either decide to share, tell me know, ask for what they need, say its a rant or whatever. It keeps poster in control about their personal issues and I do think that is what's best. I have seen other people say they cant comment without more info, and I have seen people say they do not have specific advice but want the poster to know they read their post and understand.

Often the person is asking a specific question. With psychiatric doctors that take insurance, and some private doctors offering 15 minute sessions once youre past intake, I think info from peers is VITAL. Bipolar is complex and yay, I have mixed episodes. Most of the therapists I have encountered over my 40 years with this just sit there. I have to press for goal setting over and over. Obviously I like structure and specific help as fast as I can get it. And I have learned more than from 40 years worth of doctors here.

But we are not professionals....

I think its possible to validate the person just by giving a specific response--showing that you take them seriously, care about what happens to them, and intend in any way we can.

I agree 100%.

So I think we can help in two ways: 1. by showing warmth and acceptance and 2. by answering questions in an effective way. Again, I think people can be helped a lot more when we know what we're dealing with. Im going to try to be as specific as possible when I start a thread asking for ideas.

No disrespect meant but I do not know if people responding necessarily need to know what they are "dealing with". I think a poster can get great support when they ask for what they need but its not always easy for someone to be that self aware. Sometimes I will ask if they want to vent or advice? Sometimes its neither, many times its no advice but support. All we can do is ask and not have expectations because people are in all sorts of places when they post.

I dont think I should be ashamed of trying to help people by sharing all those years of experience that i got THE HARD WAY with very little support and almost NO information. Acceptance is important too, but I want people to tell me what has worked for them specifically or what they think will work for me.

I did not get the impression that anyone was trying to shame you. I have had 20 years butt deep in the psychiatric amusement park of life but I do not know if that makes me more or less qualified to share what I know. And what you or I know is often subjective.

I just want people to get more information than I received and was starved for. It would have changed my life.

I hear you and I can see how heartfelt you are and that your intentions are good.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

I want to add to this discussion.

Over the years as I have gotten better, I have looked through earlier journals I wrote to get my thoughts on paper and out of my head. Consistently, I would read gibberish. I could not believe what I had written or what I could have been thinking about.

Then much later, it occurred to me that when I was traumatized, the event registered in my brain including the tangled emotions and thoughts that came with it.

Am I making sense?

When we are traumatized, it is a blow to our bodies and our brains. The physical bruises we see are also in our emotions and self-esteem. Those wounds have to be addressed physically and emotionally for us to straighten out and heal. And when that trauma hits a child, it is overwhelming and some will be locked away in amnesia. That is my personal experience.

That said, if the trauma is still in place, it is practically impossible to word it logically until it heals and straightens itself out first. Plus, those of us who live with that, building a logical productive life is difficult because our foundation is faulty. So, we keep struggling and repeating the same mistakes over and over without being able to understand why until we achieve that breakthrough.

To me there is something so wonderful and relieving about a response like this. I feel better in a deep way just from reading it. I don't know everything about you, and you don't know everything about me, but you've given me a healing touch just the same.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I have been on PC a far briefer time than you and certainly am far less well acquainted with all of its ins and outs and nooks and crannies than you are. Those two examples you commented upon were both taken from actual PC posts read and/or commented on by me, one of them rather recently. I cannot direct you as to where to find them because I do not keep records of other people's posts. But that's where the examples arose from.


But I fear I didn't make myself very clear, because the specifics of those examples were not at all my point. My point was that I was responding to the notion set out that PC ought to serve as a kind of blanket validation center for all those who come here. That's why we're here. To validate. That's one position and many of us are here in America and so, that is fine. But I don't happen to agree with that. I believe there are a goodly number of things that ought not be validated ever, even if the poster is struggling/suffering with some kind of clear mental illness. No need to go into it any more than that. That was my point.

I understand your point of view better now , thank you

[luvyrself]

Sarah, don’t sell yourself short in terms of your experience. If I could move you Nextdoor and ask you questions whenever I wanted, I would. But hey, you are available on the forums and I’m truly grateful.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m very selective on what I post here. A member once took my name and somehow found me on Facebook. I enjoy being anonymous here.

[seesaw]

No one should be diagnosing or suggesting diagnoses on here. It's presumptuous and offensive, especially if the person hasn't asked for those suggestions. People come here for the support they request. Not to have armchair psychiatrists foist their faulty opinions on them.

[seesaw]

I wanted to add that unless someone asks for that kind of support, telling them you think they have this or that or bipolar or whatever, particularly in response to their personal accomplishments is extremely invalidating and unsupportive and against community guidelines. Numerous people here have experienced misdiagnosis and malpractice, including myself, and just walking into their thread and telling them you know they have x,y, or z and if they deny it that means they do have it, like you did to me, is extremely triggering. You really need to stop trying to diagnose people and simply give them support and answer their questions.

[DocJohn]

I think all points of view have been heard in this thread, and so we're closing it at this time. Thank you for your feedback and comments!