When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing - Page 3 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 02-11-2018, 12:35 PM #21
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

Thanks - my therapist tells me I keep trying to protect her and that she doesn't need me to - it feels safer to look after others and not oneself
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Old 02-11-2018, 02:11 PM #22
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

(((Carmina))), I know just what you mean when you say this. However, I think this is probably where you get this and I believe this is also why I myself struggle because I had too many of these type of individuals in my personal history and my kind temperment actually attracts them to me and I just didn't realize it. It's something to sit and think about.

Why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other - Business Insider

When I think about negative self talk, the I have to for "them" and I can't have "my own feelings", I think this develops because this is what someone is told to think about themselves because the other person, be it a parent or sibling or even a spouse, tended to insist on their feelings being more important and this can lead to the one being influenced to disassociate in an effort to "not feel their own feelings".

When I read the part about how it's ok to ask their advice, I can think of someone that liked having that power, that's not about empathy though, that's more about giving the other toxic person the power they like to have and the authority.

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Old 02-19-2019, 03:09 PM #23
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

Had a bad day at work, 2 of my students were struggling with something and straight away I was finding ways to blame myself, examining everything I did for that little mistake somewhere I must have made. I tell them all the time not to beat themselves up for making mistakes and yet I do that all the time myself, and worse. I went home feeling back in that place, when I was small, thinking I had done something wrong, but never quite being able to understand what it was. Just that I must be bad, wrong, not even human really.

I'm really really sick of this feeling, I feel so cut up inside, and it makes me want to cut myself again outside. It's just intolerable. Even worse is knowing tomorrow I will find another way to drag myself in and cope all over again because letting people at work down would be impossible for me to do. I think coping has become such a habit, almost like an addiction.
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Old 02-24-2019, 03:10 AM #24
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmina View Post
I'm sick of constantly putting on a 'brave face' to the world, having a constant smile, telling people I'm 'fine'. It's become such a habit this smiling and trying to appear 'well', been doing it my whole life, that it's making me feel worse because a) it's a lie, and b) it's such hard work to maintain and it's wearing me out the more I have to put into it and the worse I feel inside.

And yet I also don't know how not to be 'well' - I'm so afraid of people seeing me as someone who can't cope and I've always been the one who copes with anything (because inside nothing really touches me - I just dissociate). I don't know how not to habitually smile or say 'I'm OK' when asked.
I am finding this to be true for me too.

I did try to be true. My dentist said I looked well or at least better than my previous visit. I was brave and said if only I felt it. People don't like the truth...

My sympathies to you Carmina

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Old 02-26-2019, 02:08 PM #25
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

Ive also found that people dont like the truth grrrrrrrrrrr

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Old 02-26-2019, 02:20 PM #26
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Interesting article, thanks for sharing it.

Could you experiment with a different phrase?
I also prefer different phrases

For me, some self talk (etc) which is commonly used is.. sub optimal for me...

Im also familiar with the Im fine thanks response, it is my usual... and usually not true

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Old 03-01-2019, 10:17 AM #27
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I also prefer different phrases

For me, some self talk (etc) which is commonly used is.. sub optimal for me...

Im also familiar with the Im fine thanks response, it is my usual... and usually not true

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We have to take care of who we can be true with...

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Old 03-01-2019, 01:22 PM #28
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

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We have to take care of who we can be true with...

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Old 03-02-2019, 09:28 AM #29
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

I don't dare tell family, friends or co-workers that I suffer from C-PTSD. So, no one really knows me. They think I am happy when I am, in fact, miserable. Just thinking about it makes me even sadder and depressed.

I really don't like people anymore. I can't wait to go home and be alone even though my C-PTSD rages there. I find modern people to be exceeding tribal and cruel. Where can I move where people are accepting and nice?
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Old 03-02-2019, 11:18 AM #30
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Default Re: When 'functioning well' gets in the way of healing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmina View Post
Had a bad day at work, 2 of my students were struggling with something and straight away I was finding ways to blame myself, examining everything I did for that little mistake somewhere I must have made. I tell them all the time not to beat themselves up for making mistakes and yet I do that all the time myself, and worse. I went home feeling back in that place, when I was small, thinking I had done something wrong, but never quite being able to understand what it was. Just that I must be bad, wrong, not even human really.

I'm really really sick of this feeling, I feel so cut up inside, and it makes me want to cut myself again outside. It's just intolerable. Even worse is knowing tomorrow I will find another way to drag myself in and cope all over again because letting people at work down would be impossible for me to do. I think coping has become such a habit, almost like an addiction.
I am sorry you are struggling this way, I can relate to what you have described "feeling". You probably "give" in the way you wish you could get yourself too.

Does anyone EVER tell you what a wonderful teacher you are? Has anyone ever given you respect? It could be that because you DO help others in your teaching that people around you think you are stronger than you actually are too.

Often these "negative feelings" develop in one's childhood and the person isn't even aware of it. This is probably part of how you teach your students making sure they don't beat themselves up if they don't "just" get things right. It may trigger you when a student struggles because somehow in your past you were blamed when someone else was struggling. I am not good enough because YOU are not good enough messages. Or, I am not happy and it's YOUR fault messages too. And even if you don't do what I want and need you are being bad. Even, if I don't think what you care about is important that what you care about isn't important. That's one children often hear a lot. This can create this ongoing challenge in someone where they begin to subconsciously believe that their feelings are not important and don't have any value. And even "it's more important that others feel good about themselves".

Does this describe how you feel at all?
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