The four F's

I always heard there were only 2 ways to respond to bad stuff: Fight or Flight. But then I learned a little while ago that this is incomplete - it should be Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn.

I blamed myself so much for freezing during traumatic events, and wondered why I couldn't run away or fight my way out of it. Learning there are 4 F's has lifted a weight off my shoulders.

On Christmas Day, I went to a community free lunch with a neighbour. It was great fun, even though I don't celebrate Christmas. We got a lift home, and the driver gave my neighbour a kiss (she was fine with it). When he approached me, I just could not move. All I could say was "No," over and over again. Luckily he saw how upset I was & backed off. I was disorientated for a bit, but then I felt reassured that this was a normal response - I wasn't a freak who didn't know what to do, or a coward either. I still didn't like what happened, but I didn't blame myself & that's a first or me.

Actually freeze is the first thing babies do in response to feeling threatened, it's the most basic of the 4 and goes back to our animal ancestors (this is all part of Polyvagal theory if you're interested to find out more). These are all survival mechanisms, nothing to feel guilty about (quite the opposite).

Personally I think there should be a fifth one in the list though, which is feigning death. I think it tends to get confused with freezing but the function is actually very different - you are not so much trying not to be seen by whatever is threatening (by keeping still and quiet) but rather you know you have been seen/caught but are trying to feign not being a target or a threat to them by 'going limp'. I have done this myself when threatened with abuse as a child. Feigning death is a core function of the most basal branch of the vagus nerve so has deep evolutionary and developmental roots.

More thoughts...

'Fawn' is interesting to me, I think in many respects it's the most sophisticated, brave and cunning one, the others take you out of the way of harm (yes even fight does by chasing off the threat) but to 'fawn' makes me think of the times when it helped to stroke egos, to soothe, to play along, to 'submit', and to do that really takes guile and an ability to read moods and I think possibly there is some taking back of power in that too (makes me think of The Handmaiden). Have to think about that......

Sorry you sparked of a train of thought now - just thinking out loud...

thanks

Hi--very interesting, and I'm also particularly struck by "fawn." It seems an especially badly needed addition to our vocabulary in light of the way some of the recent accusers of prominent people have had their credibility questioned because of the way they conducted themselves in the face of/following assaults and harassment. It seems like greater understanding of this dynamic is taking place, but having a simple term such as "fawn" can really accelerate this idea being broadly understood. Thanks for this.

Yes I myself was very relieved when I read about these in Pete Walker's book. I'm definitely a freeze/fawn mix and I feel comfortable with people with similar reactions because those with fight-flight responses tend to scare me, even in relatively harmless situations

Who is this and what book?

This book https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-.../dp/B00HJBMDXK
It was the first book about CPTSD I've read and it felt as if he was describing my own life. It finally made sense and I learned what my problem was, that I'm not crazy and it gave me courage to seek help. If you already know something about CPTSD there probably won't be much new stuff, but if you're a "beginner" in this topic it is very helpful.

So I've rewritten this as The 5 F's:

Fight - fight back (need to feel strong enough, or be cornered)

Flight - run away (need to know you have escape route and can run fast enough)

Freeze - stay still, try not to be 'seen' - try to hide in plain sight (need to know you can do this and not be seen, but this can also be a panic response when cornered and no other options present themselves)

Fawn - appease your hunter, play along (requires guile and some confidence/skill)

Feign (death) - pretend to be a corpse, this may be a final tactic to having been seen/caught (eg after freezing, flighting, flying etc haven't worked) - you are trying to feign not being a target or a threat by 'going limp' (only works if the hunter doesn't like to scavenge or play with their food)

but I wonder if there is also a 6th one? (or even 7?)

Fantasize - retreat inwards to a safe(r) imaginary place (this may arguably be an alternative version of flight)

- Fragment may be an extreme form of this, break into imaginary parts to make more of 'you'; safety in numbers

WOW, this is such a thoughtful post! In fact I might share your "additions" with my T and discuss with her in my session before you copyright this and I won't be able to share

Thankyou I think it is interesting how these all relate to different neurological levels in the polyvagal theory (see my earlier points too)

No interest in copyrighting anything btw - just thinking out loud

Of course the really interesting thing about 'Fragment' is each part can adopt a different tactic - some may be fighters, others fawners. Creates a more flexible survival strategy.

Found this chart which aligns well with what I was saying about the different levels of the nervous system and how the different responses map to them:



It comes from here:

SOMATIC TRAUMA THERAPY

So looking at this the Feign response is probably close to what the author here calls Hypo Freeze - certainly for me this was my response to times when someone tried to strangle me, I went limp and played dead but I also felt dead inside and take myself to this place when I feel everything is falling apart - it's a highly dissociated state that actually protects me because I feel numb to everything in this state, I think it's also the most primitive state biologically

btw this is also useful when thinking about how to pace/balance therapeutic interventions and things like medication

I wonder if my frequently cold hands and feet (without me realizing, but told by others or realised accidentally) and easy sweating, hot flashes could have something to do with this. I've been suffering from this at least from puberty and maybe even earlier.

Ah yes! I just heard about this. I tended to Fawn/Freeze growing up, and I still do this. I actually just bought Pete Walker's book Surviving to Thriving.