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Old 03-16-2018, 09:11 PM #1
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Trig A Letter to You: Why?

I understand that you hurt. I understand that you couldn't control your rage. I understand that you were in pain. I understand that you slowly changed.

I understand all of this, but I still feel every strike. Every single one. And I'm still messed up. I still wait for more. I still brace for it when there's fast movement. My head still hurts, like a concussion.... How many of those did I have? My legs still sting. It's still hard to close my eye. I still feel my breath being choked out of me. My ribs still feel every impact.

Why did this happen? Why didn't you stop? Why did you start in the first place?

And why can't I get over it?
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Old 03-17-2018, 11:03 AM #2
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Default Re: A Letter to You: Why?

(((So leigheas))),

That happens to be a constant question, "why did you?". Usually it is because of the other person's need for control and how that other person looks for someone they can vent their anger out on. The person that doesn't stop when they vent their rage is not thinking about the person they are raging at either, instead they are caught up in the rage itself.

In a way when a person "rages" they are experiencing something very similar to a flashback where it intrudes and takes over and has to run it's course. I have heard this described as "a white out" where a person literally loses their awareness to the point where that person is in complete "fight" mode. Some people are susceptible to these melt downs and often had them happen when they were children where they would experience temper tantrums. Sometimes this develops in that person's childhood where they witnessed toxic situations and interactions in their parents and it made them feel unsafe and they may have disassociated, however, the environment they disassociated from still, even though that individual shut down, is in their subconscious.

Quote:
Why did this happen? Why didn't you stop? Why did you start in the first place?

And why can't I get over it?
I have asked this question countless times myself. It's important that you understand how this is due to how we are designed to record threats in order to remember the things that pose a genuine threat to our survival. The desire to avoid originates from this experiencing of a major threat.

I have myself had experiences with individuals who have raged at me and the one thing I have noticed about them is how their eyes glass over and they are not seeing me anymore, they are literally somewhere else.

I think you are looking for a way you can "reason" this challenge out, something where you can overcome your deep seeded fear of this kind of individual. Well, you are not alone with this desire. Truth is there are people that spend their entire lives studying and looking for "the whys" when it comes to human behaviors. Years ago I spent time working for a researcher at Yale and he was studying a certain kind of criminal. This man I worked for wanted to understand "what made these individuals snap" and do whatever it was they did that was so bad they were jailed. One of these cases he was studying was of a father who killed his infant child. The mother went to work and they were struggling to make ends meet and he was left home with the baby and the baby was crying and hungry and yet would not eat the food he had that was all he had to offer. He could not get the baby to stop crying and he ended up doing the unthinkable. Then he put the baby in bed as though he was putting it down for a nap. The mother came home and found the baby and was horrified and this man was arrested and put in jail. So the researcher that I worked for was studying "what made him snap" and what is it that makes a human being "snap" like this. This is a job I had close to 40 years ago, and I think this doctor is probably no longer alive. He did spend many years of his life trying to understand "the human mind" and what goes wrong that can lead to a person doing something bad. So, when you find yourself stuck on the "why", you are not alone with that question and as you are wondering about this puzzle, there are people that are spending their lives on finding the answers to the very questions you are asking.

So leigheas, I too have these challenges where I experience the symptoms you have shared experiencing. It's taken me a long time to "slowly" understand what triggers me, why that happens, and what was it in my own history that created this sensitivity where if I experienced a big enough trauma that I would end up having this condition that, as you know, so many simply do not understand and often respond to me in ways that leave me feeling very alone, and that is how I felt in my past when I experienced toxic dysfunctional behaviors that I did not know how to deal with or understand. People say, "that was in the past, you need to forget it", however, a human being is not designed to "forget", especially when one experiences something where they feel "unsafe" or threatened.

I cannot say enough that it's important to practice "self care" and patience. It's ok to have these questions too and also have a deep desire to understand, not only self but those that "hurt" you too.

Last edited by Open Eyes; 03-17-2018 at 11:15 AM.
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Old 03-17-2018, 11:18 AM #3
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Heart Re: A Letter to You: Why?

Thanks for sharing openly.

I am touched by your post and am very sorry for all you have been through.

Please keep yourself safe.

WC
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Old 10-31-2018, 06:44 PM #4
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Default Re: A Letter to You: Why?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
(((So leigheas))),



That happens to be a constant question, "why did you?". Usually it is because of the other person's need for control and how that other person looks for someone they can vent their anger out on. The person that doesn't stop when they vent their rage is not thinking about the person they are raging at either, instead they are caught up in the rage itself.



In a way when a person "rages" they are experiencing something very similar to a flashback where it intrudes and takes over and has to run it's course. I have heard this described as "a white out" where a person literally loses their awareness to the point where that person is in complete "fight" mode. Some people are susceptible to these melt downs and often had them happen when they were children where they would experience temper tantrums. Sometimes this develops in that person's childhood where they witnessed toxic situations and interactions in their parents and it made them feel unsafe and they may have disassociated, however, the environment they disassociated from still, even though that individual shut down, is in their subconscious.







I have asked this question countless times myself. It's important that you understand how this is due to how we are designed to record threats in order to remember the things that pose a genuine threat to our survival. The desire to avoid originates from this experiencing of a major threat.



I have myself had experiences with individuals who have raged at me and the one thing I have noticed about them is how their eyes glass over and they are not seeing me anymore, they are literally somewhere else.



I think you are looking for a way you can "reason" this challenge out, something where you can overcome your deep seeded fear of this kind of individual. Well, you are not alone with this desire. Truth is there are people that spend their entire lives studying and looking for "the whys" when it comes to human behaviors. Years ago I spent time working for a researcher at Yale and he was studying a certain kind of criminal. This man I worked for wanted to understand "what made these individuals snap" and do whatever it was they did that was so bad they were jailed. One of these cases he was studying was of a father who killed his infant child. The mother went to work and they were struggling to make ends meet and he was left home with the baby and the baby was crying and hungry and yet would not eat the food he had that was all he had to offer. He could not get the baby to stop crying and he ended up doing the unthinkable. Then he put the baby in bed as though he was putting it down for a nap. The mother came home and found the baby and was horrified and this man was arrested and put in jail. So the researcher that I worked for was studying "what made him snap" and what is it that makes a human being "snap" like this. This is a job I had close to 40 years ago, and I think this doctor is probably no longer alive. He did spend many years of his life trying to understand "the human mind" and what goes wrong that can lead to a person doing something bad. So, when you find yourself stuck on the "why", you are not alone with that question and as you are wondering about this puzzle, there are people that are spending their lives on finding the answers to the very questions you are asking.



So leigheas, I too have these challenges where I experience the symptoms you have shared experiencing. It's taken me a long time to "slowly" understand what triggers me, why that happens, and what was it in my own history that created this sensitivity where if I experienced a big enough trauma that I would end up having this condition that, as you know, so many simply do not understand and often respond to me in ways that leave me feeling very alone, and that is how I felt in my past when I experienced toxic dysfunctional behaviors that I did not know how to deal with or understand. People say, "that was in the past, you need to forget it", however, a human being is not designed to "forget", especially when one experiences something where they feel "unsafe" or threatened.



I cannot say enough that it's important to practice "self care" and patience. It's ok to have these questions too and also have a deep desire to understand, not only self but those that "hurt" you too.


(((So leigheas)))

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in the questions you ask and the pain I hear and share with you.

Thank you Open Eyes for what you have posted here!

It is truth that resonates with me. It doesn’t make it easier to breathe in but it helps to know that I’m not the only one asking “why?” for so long.
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Old 11-10-2018, 02:32 PM #5
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(((( So leigheas ))))
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Old 11-12-2018, 08:12 PM #6
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Old 11-13-2018, 08:17 AM #7
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