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Old 04-17-2019, 05:22 AM #61
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

That was horrible.

((((((( raging vortex )))))))
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:53 AM #62
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you.
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Old 04-17-2019, 10:48 AM #63
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

As a result of chronic abuse, victims may struggle with symptoms of PTSD, Complex PTSD if they had additional traumas like being abused by narcissistic parents or even what is known as “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” (Cannonville, 2015; Staggs 2016). The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress the victim back to the abusive incidents, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.

11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist | Liberation after Narcissistic Abuse

When reviewing things that were said to you that were mean and degrading, it helps to understand that mean things are often said by people who are narcissistic as described in the things I posted. This tends to bring about a need to revisit these terrible things said and done to you. I know I did this myself a lot, but what about looking at these symptoms, why you experience this challenge, are you dealing with these challenges and how can you work on finally healing to where you can begin to give yourself permission to disconnect from the individuals that contribute to these feelings of shame and unworthiness and guilt.
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:02 AM #64
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you.

TishaBuv, you need to pay attention to this because you have gotten sucked into this a lot with your mother/family.


Quote:
Narcissists are experts at games and drama. The extremely talented narcissist goes even a step further – they stir up the drama, and then sit back, above it all, acting like they had nothing to do with it.

For example, a narcissistic mother would stir up a rivalry and animosity between two sisters. She’d say one thing to sister one, and then another thing to sister two. Then you, as sibling #3, gets put in the middle.

If you confront the mother about this, she’ll deny that she had anything to do with the drama, and then act all aggrieved that you’d even suggest she’d do such a “horrible thing.”

Try not to get sucked into games like this.
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Old 04-18-2019, 05:50 AM #65
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
a memory that keeps coming back to me:

one time my parents baught home a cheeseburger and some fries for me (while they had a hamburger)

they knew I didn't like cheese, and as I bit in to it, I started to feel really sick

I turned to my mom and said I don't think I can eat this burger

and she turned to me and went well, you'll have to starve then. their isn't anything else

maybe not the worst thing said to me, but it's pretty bad as I constantly remember it
You know it's not really so much the cheese burger but how it made you feel when your parents insisted you eat something you simply don't like to eat. It's lack or respect and not caring about your feelings and needs that this memory represents. It's the tone of how you tended to be treated in the bigger picture that can trigger what that felt like emotionally.
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Old 04-18-2019, 02:52 PM #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
TishaBuv, you need to pay attention to this because you have gotten sucked into this a lot with your mother/family.
Yup. That’s the dynamic with my mother and us daughters. I thought my sisters saw it and would stop the game, but they further played into it and turned on me. But now I understand their deal and will forever avoid it.

The ‘eggshells’ comment— No one ever said it to me before except my gf who said it to use against me, implying I was hyper jumpy when in reality she was so over the top that no one would have put up with her venom. But this time it was my son who said it because I asked him something about what’s going on with my other sons, and he just had a reflex of saying ‘Don’t jump at me’. I really didn’t jump, just asked, but he is so sensitive and there is too much bad drama going on with the family at the moment...not my fault or doing. When I spoke with him after he said he ‘feels like he’s walking on eggshells’. Now, he’s just a kid, never heard that term before psychologically, so I truly take it to heart.
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Old 04-18-2019, 03:12 PM #67
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
TishaBuv, you need to pay attention to this because you have gotten sucked into this a lot with your mother/family.
Why does so much of everything become like a game? Great point, OE! I don’t want to play games. Other people too often start the games. Then this causes me to think way too much about what they have up their sleeve and try to stop them from doing me or my loved ones harm. I am way too often on the defense!

Maybe thats not true. It’s not too often. It’s just this one incident that has me reeling and I got a little triggered.
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:04 PM #68
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

“It’s impossible to love you”.

Lol. Took me years to realize that he was the one who didn’t have love in his heart.
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Old 04-18-2019, 06:20 PM #69
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Default Re: #whats the worst thing someone told you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Why does so much of everything become like a game? Great point, OE! I don’t want to play games. Other people too often start the games. Then this causes me to think way too much about what they have up their sleeve and try to stop them from doing me or my loved ones harm. I am way too often on the defense!

Maybe thats not true. It’s not too often. It’s just this one incident that has me reeling and I got a little triggered.
People play games because when they get a rise out of others it gives them a sense of power. You have been played so much that it's going to take time for you to gradually learn how to stop playing their game.

When I read that in the link I presented, I immediately thought of you. And especially when it said "you can't win with narcissists". You have talked about that.
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Old 04-19-2019, 05:53 AM #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
People play games because when they get a rise out of others it gives them a sense of power. You have been played so much that it's going to take time for you to gradually learn how to stop playing their game.

When I read that in the link I presented, I immediately thought of you. And especially when it said "you can't win with narcissists". You have talked about that.
I’m not sure why this is with some people, to play such unnecessary games of control. It serves them no good to do it. They do not get what they want anyway. It just makes bad feelings.

I love literally playing games though. My family likes to play certain board games, games that require intelligence. It was always fun and nobody was mean to anyone about winning or losing or being smart or not so smart. But they are fiercely competitive.

On second thought, my mom and aunt are very haughty and put down others for being not so smart. They never did it to me when I was playing the games with them, even when I was just a child playing games like Scrabble with them. However, I was very smart and sometimes legitimately held my own with them. But, yes, I was made fun of once by my aunt when I made what she thought was a dumb comment. I was kidding and she took it that I was uninformed and teased me like I was stupid. Whatever, it didn’t even bother me. She’s really stuck up.
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