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Old 12-17-2018, 11:19 PM #1
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Default Being a victim

So about ten months ago I made some posts about a relationship that had recently ended. Shortly after the ďno contactĒ rule was mentioned the woman posted publicly on Facebook the she suffers from CPTSD which can sometimes be seen as NPD. Being I had no real understanding of the severity of the illness I just took it as well, another crazy I got tangled up withĒ. Times goes on, I send her a love letter, a card, and some information about insurance being I kept her on my insurance. The three articles of mail were sent over a period of approximately 6 weeks.

I would send Facebook messages encouraging her, she had made a post about going back to school. Now before I go too far into this her ex-husband which she has a two year old with when we started talking. The baby was two years old is what I mean. It had only been maybe eight weeks since she had been with him. So we start talking through a dating site, and my mindset was, who am I to judge, we all have a past and more than likely skeletons in the closet, so I listened, some nights all night. I would get zero sleep and had a very stressful position with my employer however I have her all the attention she solicited, even at work, I would stop just to hear her.

She told me stories of her ex-husband making her sleep with other men for crack, sneaking into to the house and frightening her, he was worried she may be cheating, perhaps justified being she committed adultery with her first husband. He would make her go to work with him and while he was out estimating jobs she would have to urinate in a cup, basically holding her captive.

Then we find each other on a dating site, I court best I can, on the phone for hours, like I was a teenager and Iím in my forties. Time goes on I buy her a vehicle so she can take car of things she needs without being dependent on her parents.

Since the beginning I felt in my gut something wasnít right and every time I tried to leave she would guilt me so bad I stayed. We move in together..... by the way I had already caught her in several lies and there were many abusive arguments to say the least, from both sides. I had this thing in me that was constantly telling me she was hiding things from me. She is the type that distracts herself by constantly being on the internet. So the first thing that really put me in a different place was she didnít bring her laptop when we moved in. I even asked her once if she would go get it so I could do a little work from home..... she absolutely refused by diversion. Things deteriorated extremely quickly once she moved in.

I would come home from work, the two year old was in love with me and was so excited to see me come in. It didnít matter how I come in, my demeanor, anything I said, if I was happy, said I had a rough day at work.... no matter how I came home, something always had to be wrong. She was one of those that constantly asked whatís wrong, did I do something, extreme fear of me leaving her, something I had never experienced and I had even dated a bi-polar woman for eight years. She ate adderrall all day, at night would drink Zquil with alcohol, take ambien and Klonopin, she would put the bottles in bed with her and still never got any rest. All she did was complain about her life and how much she wanted back her old life. I tried to do whatever I could, of course I didnít know what she was suffering from.

At any rate I sit here eight months from the last time I spoke with her facing prison time because of some made up craziness she has went to the courts with and I have now been charged with a violent crime and my life has turned completely upside down, on the brink of losing everything I have, bankruptcy because she claims harassment and aggravated stalking which never happened. It was a small town and I believe she is so delusional she believes I am her ex-husband. I havenít seen this woman in 8-9 months yet she still maintains I have stalked her, harassed her.

Guys, all I did was fall in love with the idea of marrying this woman and when it came to a head and she moved back to her parents she went and had a protection from abuse order placed on me and I never so much as even approached her in a threatening way nor made any verbal to this women. And now I stand to go to prison over something that never happened, or at least I never did the things she says.

Somehow in her mind I believe she thinks I am her ex-husband.

I guess I am looking for some insight from some of you that suffer from the same illness. I suffer from alcoholism and major depressive disorder and I am way more baffled by this than my own mental illnesses.

Anyone out there that can help me understand?
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Old 12-17-2018, 11:21 PM #2
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I suppose I felt sorry for her and the child is what kept me around
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Old 12-18-2018, 08:01 AM #3
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Default Re: Being a victim

let me get this straight... you contacted her .......after........ you were told not to contact her and had a restraining order against you....

yes here in america doing that is a crime, and punishable by prison time.

you see in order for someone to be issued a court order saying they have to stay away from someone and not contact them. there has to be evidence that you did do what the victim said you did.

courts dont just give out orders of protections (restraining orders telling others no contact) with out evidence showing a person is violent and stalking.

since she showed the court evidence of the crime and the court ordered you to stay away from her, have no contact, according to the law you did commit a crime.

if you feel you did not commit a crime go to court and show evidence that you did not break the no contact rule. your lawyer can help you with that.

as for this woman accusing you of a serious violent crime, getting a protection order of no contact against you and now you may have to go to prison no its not called any mental disorder here in america. here its a right of all americans that if they feel a crime has been committed against them they can go to any police department, fill out a statement and go then both parties in the relationship goes through the court system and let a court decide whether a crime has been committed.

my suggestion if you feel you did not commit the crime of breaking the no contact order contact your lawyer and they will help you go to court, prove in court you didnt do what ever it was that she had evidence for saying you did do it, then if you can prove to the court you are innocent you will not have to do any prison time.
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Old 12-18-2018, 08:09 PM #4
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Default Re: Being a victim

@amandalouise There was no crime. As I stated I have screenshots of her publicly admitting CPTSD -
and sometimes it is seen as NPD. She has no evidence of anything except the letters I mentioned. I did not stalk this woman, she was extremely paranoid, as long as I had known her she had extreme paranoia. As I mentioned we lived in a small town with one main road. She claims stalking on a day I was at work. I am guessing it was at night and she saw a vehicle like mine, very common Tahoe, and in her mind somehow thought it was me.

Simple as that, this process youíre speaking of in America, there was no investigation of anything, no evidence, she just went to police department made claims and Iím arrested. A friend of mine tells me her mother was the same way and the only reason her father never got arrested is because his brother was the sheriff and knew how her mother was. So unfortunately what you stated is not the case! She made some claims that were identical to what she told me her ex husband did to her and with no evidence nor investigation I get arrested.

Anyway, I was actually looking for insight as to her believing I did the things to her that her ex husband did? If there could have been a trigger somewhere that flipped a switch and all of a sudden I become him.
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Old 12-18-2018, 08:17 PM #5
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@amandalouise please donít hop on the guilty until proven innocent train. We see it play out on TV everyday, some woman comes out and makes claims, true or not, all of a sudden the mans life is destroyed. I am most certain that most of the cases we see play out on Tv are true however I also believe that not every single case is true. Our justice system has gotten so overwhelmed there is no such thing as innocent until proven guilty. Somehow that has flipped over the years.
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Old 12-19-2018, 06:26 PM #6
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Wait a minute, you can't go to prison without a trial and she has to have actual "proof" for this and more than accusations to actually go to trial. You need to find a lawyer that can explain all of this to you. If you have proof of her admitting she has ptsd then your lawyer can use that against her. It sounds like this woman has more than ptsd, she may also suffer from a personality disorder or possibly even schizophrenia.

In severe cases of ptsd a person can get triggered and experience flashbacks that can confuse them. If she suffered a lot of abuse then you just coming through the door can be a trigger as her abuser may have come through the door many times and behaved towards her in abusive ways.

If all she has is letters, if you were nice and did not say anything threatening in them then that's not evidence that you are a danger.

Given that she needs so many drugs and is even mixing these different drugs can mean the drugs are possibly adding to her challenge.

Last edited by Open Eyes; 12-19-2018 at 06:47 PM.
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Old 12-19-2018, 08:51 PM #7
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@Open_Eyes, thank you! You pretty much summed it up however at the same time because of this my life has been turned upside down, on house arrest, slowly losing everything I have, and looking at filing bankruptcy being I lost my career due to this. Itís just hard for me to make sense of it, how a person can make claims and without any sort of investigation or questioning can destroy ones life. Just makes no sense to me, here I sit over ten months since last speaking to this woman and I am just powerless to do anything and the court system takes so long for a trial. Iím looking at another year before there would be a trial.

I just donít get it!
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Old 12-20-2018, 10:50 AM #8
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I am so sorry that you are having this challenge and finding out first hand how a person's false accusations can cause so much damage. It's true that the wheels of justice spin slowly and in the meantime can drastically change someone's life. While I did not experience your specific situation I did suffer a lot of damage and loss due to a neighbor that was very negligent about containing their dog even though I had made it clear even with working with the dog warden that they had to keep their dogs from coming onto my farm property. Well, I had thought my neighbor finally got the message and unfortunately, when his containment system failed, he did not fix it but chose to wait until I left my farm to work I would not see he was letting his dog out and it was running loose onto my property. That resulted in damaging most of my horses and ponies that cost me over $30,000 in veterinary expenses and because I used these animals in my business, it ruined that too and in turn ruined my credit and even though I fought back and tried to sue, I did not get the justice I deserved and my entire life was changed. So I know how someone else can cause a great deal of damage to your entire way of life on so many levels. That is how I developed the ptsd challenge I have. My lawyer told me not to talk about how I struggled with PTSD because it would be used against me to the opposing side's advantage and my lawyer did not want me to experience that because my lawyer told me it would be extremely cruel. In my challenge it was nine years before I got to actually get to see court proceedings that would lead to a court date.

What you are dealing with IMO is more than ptsd, I think this individual may also have some additional challenge as well.
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Old 12-20-2018, 04:23 PM #9
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I have a question... you posted you are on house arrest. how did you get permission to come online to post here? people on house arrest dont get to use computers and other devices that allow being on the internet because they could be talking about the case, or continuing to do what ever they are accused of doing. ..( in your case you are accused of online stalking and in person being violent according to your posts).. so how is it that you while under house arrest are able to be online posting about the case?

special permission to use internet devices comes with special monitoring systems so that the court / police department that placed you on house arrest gets transcripts of your internet activities.

my point is maybe things are not as hopeless as it feels. if while you are under house arrest for violence and stalking and you still have access to the internet / coming online to post and free reign to post about the case that tells me either things are not that bad and everything will be going in your favor. or they are hoping you will use the internet to do what you are doing.... talking about what you are accused of and end up incriminating yourself....

reason I know about house arrest is because as a college student I worked in a domestic violence program as a volunteer. many of the abusers got placed on house arrest instead of taking up jail space that was limited.

since you have internet access my guess is the case is in your favor. they dont allow internet access to those they believe did the stalking and violence.

my suggestion is contact your lawyer. have a meeting with them and find out exactly how the case is going, what you need to do and above all make sure your internet time is not going to end up being used against you for discussing the case here or anywhere else.
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Old 12-21-2018, 12:00 AM #10
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@amandalouise 1. I never said I was accused of online stalking, I am accused of stalking, and aggravated stalking by someone who was severely traumatized and mentally ill caused, or at least played a part in PTSD, by an ex husband. What do you think it would do to a woman that has never been exposed to any sort of drug lifestyle and her husband starts forcing her to have sex with strangers while he watched for crack cocaine, what do you think that would to an innocent womanís mind? 2. I am on house because of medical conditions that require surgeries. 3. I have no limitations to my house arrest other than I canít leave unless it is to see an attorney, doctor, get meds, or court. All that being prohibited to use the internet and all the other youíre talking has nothing to do with me. Iím on house arrest instead of being in jail because my health is in such a way I pose no threat to anyone whatsoever. That was the case even when the accusations were made. BTW, there was no investigation, no questioning, just a woman saying so and so did this or that, with no evidence mind you and I get charged!

Last edited by skatkats; 12-21-2018 at 12:15 AM.
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