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HD7970GHZ
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Default Feb 04, 2019 at 12:35 PM
  #1
Hi all,

I am writing an essay about my trauma and my lack of faith in humanity as a result of that trauma.

I am not going into great details, but I am retraumatized now and feeling hypervigilant and angry. My body is going through intense reactions to the flooding of memories and I am isolating / avoiding responsibility to stay in my "safe place."

I need to write this essay as a means of healing. It is time. My professor alrrady gave me an extension and I have missed it. Any suggestions for how to get through it?

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz

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Default Feb 04, 2019 at 08:25 PM
  #2
I wish I had some useful suggestions. Please accept my hugs and I hope someone else will be able to offer suggestions.

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Default Feb 05, 2019 at 10:03 PM
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Fuzzybear, you have made my day. I WUV YOU!

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"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
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"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
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Default Feb 06, 2019 at 04:00 PM
  #4
Could this be that you are writing something very personal and struggle in that your professor will be seeing it and determining it's value?

I found that a lot of the time I struggle with sharing things about myself because of feeling exposed to being criticized, misunderstood, or that it will somehow be used against me. That's because I have experienced just that in my past. I often have had to really push myself to talk about my own traumatic history.
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Default Feb 07, 2019 at 09:15 AM
  #5
Are you in therapy? Doing this without the help of a trauma therapist to help you process the memories will only cause retraumatization not healing.

Obviously the fact that you have missed deadlines shows you that this is not a project to just do for a professor & is a long term process not just something to put in an essay for a professor.

You need to be working through the feelings these memories being up with a T not doing it on your own.

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Default Feb 14, 2019 at 05:34 AM
  #6
Is this a want- as in helping to heal or a need- as in a school requirement or grade?

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Default Feb 20, 2019 at 11:19 PM
  #7
I was trying to heal. I thought I was ready to write the thing, turns out I was not.

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"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
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Default Feb 21, 2019 at 12:57 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
I was trying to heal. I thought I was ready to write the thing, turns out I was not.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
You could be ready but this us not the way to go about healing. Trauma healing takes more than just writing it out. It takes professional help to help you PROCESS what happened. Just writing it out does not achieve the necessary processing. Actually just writing "the thing" is like picking the scab on a sore. If you don't have the healing medication of processing along with picking the scab it will actually get worse not better.

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Default Feb 21, 2019 at 09:23 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
You could be ready but this us not the way to go about healing. Trauma healing takes more than just writing it out. It takes professional help to help you PROCESS what happened. Just writing it out does not achieve the necessary processing. Actually just writing "the thing" is like picking the scab on a sore. If you don't have the healing medication of processing along with picking the scab it will actually get worse not better.
Thanks for sharing this.

I agree. I do need to heal from this trauma and process through traditional trauma therapy. Considering my trauma took place in therapy - and the fact that I have continued to seek help in therapy despite being re-traumatized numerous times - I would say the problem is with the healthcare system and their cultural and systemic problems when faced with someone like myself. I am considered a liability client. No one wants to go near me. No one wants to protect me. Because I know what they do behind closed doors and I also aim to expose it. This is threatening to them, and so I have experienced further traumas and abuses and mistreatment. It is a heartbreaking reality. Unfortunately, I really don't know what else to do but keep trying therapy. And I am.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget"
"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
"don't put all your eggs - in one basket"
"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
"with change - comes loss"
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Default Feb 21, 2019 at 09:45 PM
  #10
I have found that not all therapy is created equal at least here in the US. I had numerous T's between 1994 & 2010 when I finally found the best T's ever..private & my Group DBT leader who is now my private T. But I can see how one can experience so many bad ones that the assumption can easily be that they are all bad & traumatize their clients. Glad you are continuing to look for the help you need

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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 04:54 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
I have found that not all therapy is created equal at least here in the US. I had numerous T's between 1994 & 2010 when I finally found the best T's ever..private & my Group DBT leader who is now my private T. But I can see how one can experience so many bad ones that the assumption can easily be that they are all bad & traumatize their clients. Glad you are continuing to look for the help you need
I just wish the industry was more receptive to abuse within their system. If they simply acknowledged they are also human (and no exception to human nature), they could begin to study the abuse and learn to treat more effectively.

Otherwise it is just deny, deny, deny and blame and shame the victims.

Breaks my heart.

I have managed to flesh out half my essay. I have chosen to continue writing about the trauma by focusing on the loss of faith in humanity versus the details.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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"stand for those who are forgotten - sacrifice for those who forget"
"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
"the point of therapy - is to get out of therapy"
"don't put all your eggs - in one basket"
"promote pleasure - prevent pain"
"with change - comes loss"
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Default Mar 13, 2019 at 08:20 AM
  #12
What kind of industry do you mean?
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 12:14 PM
  #13
My advice to you is just do not shut yourself up, please. Just make it worse. If you want to really solve the problem - declare it. I advise you to find a psychologist and write together about problems. Create your profile on the site and every day lead the page. Consult with the psychologist. Writing is a good method to throw off stress. I think it's worth a try.
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