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Old 02-08-2019, 05:24 PM #1
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Default Triggers for children of narcissists


I am new here, and assume my post has been addressed in the past. But since Iím new, maybe forgive please.
Triggers, stupid, dumb, recurring things that are meaningless out of context, but just send my emotions skyward. Just now, as every year this time, there are advertisements by local groups on TV, wanting to create wonderful high school prom experiences for disadvantaged girls. While I did get to go to a couple of high school proms, and other high school Ďdateí dances, I never had the chance to shop for a prom dress, shoes, makeup, hair salon, jewelry, none of it. My parents were both malignant narcissists, and would never allow for any of the household budget to be spent on me. No braces for my horrible crooked teeth, no dermatologist treatment or acne products for my ice pick scar creating acne, certainly not a pretty dress for prom. I was always able to borrow a dress, shoes, wrap, from another girl who would never wear the same dress a second time. Why, oh why, did my parents not love me?
Today I understand they were ugly people on the inside, but the triggers...decades later. The scars. I donít think I will ever recover from their abuse. Ever.

Last edited by Jeribelle2000; 02-08-2019 at 05:26 PM. Reason: Msispelling
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Old 02-08-2019, 07:15 PM #2
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Hi Jeribelle, welcome to PC.

I was going to ask you how old you are, but I can see you are retired and a grandmother. Sorry that you are struggling through these old memories like this. Have you been seeing a therapist at all?

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Old 02-09-2019, 05:20 AM #3
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Hi Jeribelle, welcome to PC.

I was going to ask you how old you are, but I can see you are retired and a grandmother. Sorry that you are struggling through these old memories like this. Have you been seeing a therapist at all?

I am plenty old, lol. Iíve seen a therapist off and on, not just the C-PTSD. Raped by brother when I was a teen, a lot of family issues. Periodically triggered by the Flying Monkeys, my sister in particular. Whenever she tries to reel me back in, seems to trigger me. Itís complicated having several sources of recurring trauma. Usually I function well enough. I just squirm mentally when triggers come out of nowhere. And the prom dress thing is just so stupid. I know that. Iíve moved on in my life. Think itís the recent sibling crap underneath it all.

Working through a lot of things. Right now Iíve got my hands full with Iíll health, plus caring for my sick spouse. He had lung cancer surgery right before Christmas, and a lot of complications, back and forth to hospital, every test, procedure, surgery, complications. Iím doing everything here, got him home now. Good thing I have two machines for oxygen, because we ended up using my portable oxygen concentrator for him for a while. Heís stabilized now, but I sure donít need the Flying Monkeys circling right now.
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Old 02-10-2019, 01:32 PM #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeribelle2000 View Post
I am new here, and assume my post has been addressed in the past. But since Iím new, maybe forgive please.
Triggers, stupid, dumb, recurring things that are meaningless out of context, but just send my emotions skyward. Just now, as every year this time, there are advertisements by local groups on TV, wanting to create wonderful high school prom experiences for disadvantaged girls. While I did get to go to a couple of high school proms, and other high school Ďdateí dances, I never had the chance to shop for a prom dress, shoes, makeup, hair salon, jewelry, none of it. My parents were both malignant narcissists, and would never allow for any of the household budget to be spent on me. No braces for my horrible crooked teeth, no dermatologist treatment or acne products for my ice pick scar creating acne, certainly not a pretty dress for prom. I was always able to borrow a dress, shoes, wrap, from another girl who would never wear the same dress a second time. Why, oh why, did my parents not love me?
Today I understand they were ugly people on the inside, but the triggers...decades later. The scars. I donít think I will ever recover from their abuse. Ever.
I am a guy but I can relate very much with you. My C-PTSD has been bad today and I have been struggling with lots of bad thoughts of my childhood. Today I realized that maybe I have C-PTSD because there was so much abuse that it is still surfacing and that I have not dealt with some very important aspects yet. My mom told me that I was ugly but that's really how she wanted me so that I would not date or marry and would be there to caretake for her. It was all about her. My dad died young trying to please my emotionally cold mother and her bossy personality.

Like you, I had very crooked teeth that were never fixed. I had to pay for my own prom with savings from my summer job. She never said a word about love to me or my siblings - there was no advice at all, and we were discouraged from dating. She never even fed us breakfast because she said it was an unnecessary meal. I was the skinniest, palest most underdeveloped kid in grade and high school. I had no friends and no one cared. Somehow, I survived. I don't know how. I guess I learned to take care of myself though my life has been hard. I am deeply scarred emotionally.

You are not alone. Other survivors stand with you and understand.
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Old 02-19-2019, 05:06 PM #5
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