2 Years Later... Yes there is hope. - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 03-12-2019, 11:30 AM #1
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Smile 2 Years Later... Yes there is hope.

Two years ago...
I was told “there is light at the end of the tunnel. This will get better.”

I thought, “You have no idea what i have been through how can you say something like that? I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.”

As of February i have not had suicidal thoughts for a year.

What worked for me? Something finally just clicked. My therapist would always say we have to learn to forgive. Again 3 herniated disk, A metal hip replacement, a dislocated nose and a mouth full of missing teeth. How could you forgive such abuse. I didn’t forgive but i found a way to reason it, some what, the same. I said to myself “I am divorcing my father (my abuser) he does not get to be my father anymore.” It wasn’t enough to say it, i had to feel it.
When i let myself feel it. A heavy weight was taken of my shoulders i felt i could move forward. I felt hope for a future of my own making.

Everything is not sunshine and rainbows. This last weekend i had trouble going out and shopping. I still have problems with being hyper vigilant in public spaces. I had a panic attack, but i went to a quite place (my car) and i said “I’m safe.” Then i started to peace together why i had the attack, the events leading to the attack. I still went home feeling anxious. But overall things went better than they have in the past and i was able to identify my emotions as i was having them.

I am the sum of my past, but I do not have to let my past decide my future.
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Old 03-12-2019, 03:31 PM #2
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Default Re: 2 Years Later... Yes there is hope.

Recently I heard something that really helped. Forgiveness isn't a line we have to cross, instead it's a path we choose to take. Now, it's important most of all for forgive "self" because one of the challenges that one experiences with trauma/abuse and ptsd is struggling to forgive self for not preventing whatever took place and how that hurt you and made you feel so "unsafe".

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I thought, “You have no idea what i have been through how can you say something like that? I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.”
This is something so many that struggle with ptsd can relate to feeling, especially someone who experienced abuse from a parent or family member. I can definitely relate to feeling this way myself, especially right now with what I am going through that has really been so dysfunctional and toxic.

We do have to live with whatever we experience in our lives, it's true, but the goal is to live and learn to heal despite these experiences. I am working very hard at that myself right now. I am dealing with some very toxic things right now and I am honestly not quite sure how to deal with it all tbh. I have decided to just do the best I can and more importantly do my best to not "just" react and that can most definitely be a challenge, especially with what I am dealing with right now.

I am for the most part taking things one day at a time and at the same time trying very hard to forgive myself for whatever I find too difficult to engage in.
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Old 04-04-2019, 02:12 PM #3
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