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Junior Member
Member Since Nov 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 12
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#1
Two years ago...
I was told “there is light at the end of the tunnel. This will get better.” I thought, “You have no idea what i have been through how can you say something like that? I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.” As of February i have not had suicidal thoughts for a year. What worked for me? Something finally just clicked. My therapist would always say we have to learn to forgive. Again 3 herniated disk, A metal hip replacement, a dislocated nose and a mouth full of missing teeth. How could you forgive such abuse. I didn’t forgive but i found a way to reason it, some what, the same. I said to myself “I am divorcing my father (my abuser) he does not get to be my father anymore.” It wasn’t enough to say it, i had to feel it. When i let myself feel it. A heavy weight was taken of my shoulders i felt i could move forward. I felt hope for a future of my own making. Everything is not sunshine and rainbows. This last weekend i had trouble going out and shopping. I still have problems with being hyper vigilant in public spaces. I had a panic attack, but i went to a quite place (my car) and i said “I’m safe.” Then i started to peace together why i had the attack, the events leading to the attack. I still went home feeling anxious. But overall things went better than they have in the past and i was able to identify my emotions as i was having them. I am the sum of my past, but I do not have to let my past decide my future. |
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes
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may24
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,117
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#2
Recently I heard something that really helped. Forgiveness isn't a line we have to cross, instead it's a path we choose to take. Now, it's important most of all for forgive "self" because one of the challenges that one experiences with trauma/abuse and ptsd is struggling to forgive self for not preventing whatever took place and how that hurt you and made you feel so "unsafe".
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We do have to live with whatever we experience in our lives, it's true, but the goal is to live and learn to heal despite these experiences. I am working very hard at that myself right now. I am dealing with some very toxic things right now and I am honestly not quite sure how to deal with it all tbh. I have decided to just do the best I can and more importantly do my best to not "just" react and that can most definitely be a challenge, especially with what I am dealing with right now. I am for the most part taking things one day at a time and at the same time trying very hard to forgive myself for whatever I find too difficult to engage in. |
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Fuzzybear, phobosdeimos
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may24, phobosdeimos
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
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#3
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