advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
phobosdeimos
Junior Member
phobosdeimos has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 12
5 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Mar 21, 2019 at 10:22 AM
  #1
I’m doing really good. I’m finally getting past, well, my past. However i grew up isolated. That isolation and my hyper vigilance get in the way of being a social person.

Socially I’ve been known to be very honest, quick, and straight to the point. Which is weird because this is a turnoff for a lot of people. Think Tyrion from game of thrones. Just today i had a woman tell me I’m “so smart.” This was a turn off for me because my being smart had nothing to do with the subject of the conversation. It seemed a waste of time to acknowledge her, it would be counterproductive. So i ignored her. I do the same thing at check out at the store. Someone in line or the cashier will strike up a conversation. I will be brief or somewhat stand off-ish. I’m not trying to be rude i just come off that way. I don’t want to say to everyone, “I have a mental health problem”.
This behavior then creates a void for people to insert their narrative of me.
Perfect example, my wife’s aunt has assumed I’m abusing my wife. We were at a party and i was overwhelmed so i asked my wife we could leave. My wife quickly gathered the children and we left. The aunt assumed because I’m quiet that I threatened my wife at the party which is why we left so abruptly. She has gone as far as to tell my wife to divorce me.

I know the line... “We cannot control the thoughts and feelings of others, we can only control how we feel.” Psych 101.
But I’m tried of all the narratives that people create about me. So I need help.
How do i better communicate to people without communicating to them i have a mental health problem?
phobosdeimos is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear

advertisement
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 21, 2019 at 12:14 PM
  #2
The Aunt needs to butt out and if your wife is somehow engaging her in gossip, its unfair to you. (not saying she is, just if)

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
phobosdeimos
Junior Member
phobosdeimos has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 12
5 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Mar 21, 2019 at 02:49 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
The Aunt needs to butt out and if your wife is somehow engaging her in gossip, its unfair to you. (not saying she is, just if)
Lol. No my wife is my hero, my first line of defense . She’s helped me through all of this.
phobosdeimos is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 28, 2019 at 07:54 PM
  #4
I don’t have ideas on how to be social Hopefully someone else will

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 29, 2019 at 04:37 AM
  #5
Sorry I didnt mean to insinuate your wife was at fault. I am very social and always have been, and I think a lot of it has to do with being adhd for me and always being friendly. I think sometimes its more natural for some people. Have you been deeply hurt in your life in a way that makes you wary of getting close or even friendly with people. Sometimes its almost like trauma for people who have been let down or abused or taken advantage of by people and they are really gun-shy of it happening again. Do you think that could be it?

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
mountainstream
Magnate
 
mountainstream's Avatar
mountainstream has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
15 yr Member
747 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 29, 2019 at 02:16 PM
  #6
mountainstream is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
LifelongLoner
Member
 
LifelongLoner's Avatar
LifelongLoner It's the same old, same old. And, I do mean old!
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 125
5 yr Member
93 hugs
given
Default Mar 30, 2019 at 05:52 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I don’t have ideas on how to be social Hopefully someone else will
Hi. What are your hobbies? Do you participate in any sports?
LifelongLoner is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ashleypenwren
Member
Ashleypenwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: usa
Posts: 26
3 yr Member
Default Mar 31, 2019 at 03:14 PM
  #8
Maybe preparing for commom situations? Like in the grocery store, create some preplanned responses such as discussing a local event. Or if the cashier asks about your day practice answering then responding back with a question about theirs. If it's a family event do some research - if you know your brother in law just went on vacation, ask him about it. People love when you ask them for their knowledge so for example you could ask "What site did you use to book your hotel? What did you think about this pkace compared to (some other place?)" Etc.
Ashleypenwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
phobosdeimos
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:46 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.