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Default May 09, 2019 at 02:41 PM
  #1
I can barely make one trip a week to the store because of my fatigue. That fatigue is because of the work my body has to do to keep what is stored away from my memory. I barely remember anything from my childhood. I sat down once and wrote out what I could remember and it barely filled three standard size pages.

I have tried everything for the fatigue, shots, diets, everything I read up on to try, I tried it. The only thing that has helped has been working on my mental illness issues. I work through a problem and I get tiny bursts of energy. If I overdo, I pay for it for days.

Anyone else have fatigue problems or the amnesia?

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Default May 11, 2019 at 07:57 AM
  #2
CPSD has ruined a lot of my memory. It is just not there. I no longer remember a lot of facts from my education. I am, though, remembering some childhood events with a new perspective. I don't know if it is a fair tradeoff but even at my age I continue to process events from my past. Sometimes, I let my mind roam free and when a feeling comes up, I ask myself "why do I feel like that?" Sometimes, after some time, the answer reveals itself. It's not a speedy process (at least for me). Sometimes our animal minds work in mysterious ways. Gently prod it and see where it takes you.
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Default May 11, 2019 at 12:11 PM
  #3
@LifelongLoner

Thank you for your feedback. Do you have problems with fatigue because of your CPTSD?

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Default May 11, 2019 at 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by HappyCrafter View Post
@LifelongLoner

Thank you for your feedback. Do you have problems with fatigue because of your CPTSD?
Yes. I am tired much of the time. I don't know if it is from depression or CPTSD or both. It could also be old age and/or heart disease. All I know is that the CPTSD seems to have control of my brain. I have a hard time completing things because the CPTSD constantly distracts me. I get triggered very easily and often. It is not easy to motivate me either as the CPTSD has me despairing much of the time. I can't see my way through to accomplishing things. Meditation only helped marginally, if at all. Somehow, I am managing to work but it is not easy and I am very tired when I get home - especially emotionally. The CPTSD really rages when I am tired.
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Default May 11, 2019 at 01:02 PM
  #5
@LifelongLoner

I am sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy or see a counselor?

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Default May 11, 2019 at 02:11 PM
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@LifelongLoner

I am sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy or see a counselor?
No. I have given up on therapists. I saw therapists for many years. Few were of help. Some were damaging. I no longer trust therapists.
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Default May 11, 2019 at 02:17 PM
  #7
@LifelongLoner

I hear you.

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Default May 17, 2019 at 11:09 PM
  #8
Yes, I have had a lot of trouble with my memory, but through journaling and other techniques I have regained a lot of memories that I had pushed away. I know this isn't possible for everyone. There's a lot that I just don't remember though. Then there are distinctly things that I do.

Regarding chronic fatigue, YES. I've struggled with this for a long time. I'm sure you struggle with insomnia or some form of sleep disorder (most of us with cPTSD have some trouble with sleep), so the chronic fatigue isn't just from the immense amount of adrenaline we are always pumping, but also from the utter lack of real rest that we get.

I practice super vigilant sleep hygiene and also have been very strict with my diet and physical activity to try and gain control over chronic fatigue. I've managed to build up my stamina over time, but there are days when I can't overcome the fatigue. I also suffer from sleep paralysis and other symptoms that point to narcolepsy, although I have yet to do the sleep study. I'm sort of refraining because I'm not interested in the medications for narcolepsy and I've been using the holistic management programs I've read about (including sleep hygiene, diet management, and physical activity - not working out, just activity) to try and manage my sleep cycles and improve my sleep quality as well as manage excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS).

It sort of sucks that I have to manage my diet so closely and cut so much "fun" stuff out, but I'd rather enjoy my existence and not feel like I'm asleep all the time than have fried chicken.

Every one experiences these symptoms in different ways and our "systems", I mean our bodies, all respond differently, so what has helped me may not help you. I assure what I used to experience was very severe and it has taken years to get these improvements, so it's not just like I flipped a switch and figured it out. I think sometimes it sounds like I just decided to change things and it worked. I've struggled with this for years, and sometimes it still doesn't work but mostly it does.

I know there are meds you can take but I have problems with medications so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Hope this helps! Happy to answer any specific questions on what I do.

Seesaw

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default May 20, 2019 at 08:21 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by LifelongLoner View Post
CPSD has ruined a lot of my memory. It is just not there. I no longer remember a lot of facts from my education. I am, though, remembering some childhood events with a new perspective. I don't know if it is a fair tradeoff but even at my age I continue to process events from my past. Sometimes, I let my mind roam free and when a feeling comes up, I ask myself "why do I feel like that?" Sometimes, after some time, the answer reveals itself. It's not a speedy process (at least for me). Sometimes our animal minds work in mysterious ways. Gently prod it and see where it takes you.
Is that what happened to my memory? It is awful how little I remember from my life. Forget about education. I had always thought I had a learning disorder because I could not hold information. I told my T I have an awful memory and it is hard to fully recount events. I read and was told by another T that trauma in childhood when the brain is still growing causes scaring on the brain. It made sense to me.

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 03:50 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by HappyCrafter View Post
I can barely make one trip a week to the store because of my fatigue. That fatigue is because of the work my body has to do to keep what is stored away from my memory.

Yes I keep fighting this

I don't understand. HOW long before it gets better????

Sorry... I have zero idea on these things.





Quote:
I have tried everything for the fatigue, shots, diets, everything I read up on to try, I tried it. The only thing that has helped has been working on my mental illness issues. I work through a problem and I get tiny bursts of energy. If I overdo, I pay for it for days.
SAME!!!!



And yes!!! Amnesia specifically about my EMOTIONAL memory. Nothing else, just that. I remember other things fine. I especially have the emotional amnesia bad for the last few years I think. But just overall too.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Yes, I have had a lot of trouble with my memory, but through journaling and other techniques I have regained a lot of memories that I had pushed away. I know this isn't possible for everyone. There's a lot that I just don't remember though. Then there are distinctly things that I do.

Regarding chronic fatigue, YES. I've struggled with this for a long time. I'm sure you struggle with insomnia or some form of sleep disorder (most of us with cPTSD have some trouble with sleep), so the chronic fatigue isn't just from the immense amount of adrenaline we are always pumping, but also from the utter lack of real rest that we get.

I practice super vigilant sleep hygiene and also have been very strict with my diet and physical activity to try and gain control over chronic fatigue. I've managed to build up my stamina over time, but there are days when I can't overcome the fatigue. I also suffer from sleep paralysis and other symptoms that point to narcolepsy, although I have yet to do the sleep study. I'm sort of refraining because I'm not interested in the medications for narcolepsy and I've been using the holistic management programs I've read about (including sleep hygiene, diet management, and physical activity - not working out, just activity) to try and manage my sleep cycles and improve my sleep quality as well as manage excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS).

It sort of sucks that I have to manage my diet so closely and cut so much "fun" stuff out, but I'd rather enjoy my existence and not feel like I'm asleep all the time than have fried chicken.

Every one experiences these symptoms in different ways and our "systems", I mean our bodies, all respond differently, so what has helped me may not help you. I assure what I used to experience was very severe and it has taken years to get these improvements, so it's not just like I flipped a switch and figured it out. I think sometimes it sounds like I just decided to change things and it worked. I've struggled with this for years, and sometimes it still doesn't work but mostly it does.

I know there are meds you can take but I have problems with medications so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Hope this helps! Happy to answer any specific questions on what I do.

Seesaw


Did the narcolepsy start after you started working harder?


Just because whenever I try to work full time I get too bad symptoms (EXTREME) and so I think it would really jeopardise my health severely if I kept pushing that

I had to give it up once already last year because of that and I'm having to again




I so ****ing hate to wait wait wait like forever (already long years) but my other option is kill myself or maim myself permanently (with permanent physical problems) if trying too hard ???
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Default Aug 13, 2019 at 04:04 PM
  #12
This thread completely slipped my mind. I lose track of time and my brain lapses, unfortunately.

I am bumping it up and will respond tomorrow when my brain is better rested.

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Default Aug 13, 2019 at 06:14 PM
  #13
I'm pretty-much always worn out. Part of it is just age. But it's also a lot about the amount of effort it takes trying to keep myself in line. As I age I'm gradually losing more-&-more of my memories... can't wait until they're all gone entirely…

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Default Aug 14, 2019 at 02:58 AM
  #14
I know I have ptsd from childhood trauma, I do not know much about cptsd or how to get that diagnosis? Can anyone share? I do not suffer from fatigue to often unless my autoimmune disease, sjogrens kicks it up. My child hood is full of big holes. I can start thinking about a memory and if something bad happened to me in that memory it stops- ends right before that part of the memory goes any farther. I do remember a lot of the trauma but I also have blocked it away. I am sure I should have had therapy to deal with that but I am terrified it will break me so it stays locked up in deep memory and I guess I am ok with that. This doesnt all apply to the trauma I experienced as a child. The trauma I lived through being an active alcoholic and what chaos I put my babies and poor husband through. Every now and again I can find that space to revist it and it makes me so so sad for my part in it. I know that it affected all of them. I was only an active alcoholic for two years-well the heavy drinking started in my 30's but that was just the earliest stage of the disease. The intense addiction part of alcoholism that came out of the darkness was about 18 months to 2 years. I lost important events that I can never get back. And when I was blacked out I was a shell of myself. A ghost that happened to belong to this husband and these kids. I am actually working on a formal amends with my kids now but it is not ready. I am going to schedule with our family therapist who has extensive knowledge in the recovery field being that she counsels addicts and she told me her boyfriend is one, recovered and also a pyscologist with her.

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Default Aug 14, 2019 at 03:38 PM
  #15
@sarahsweets

Bless your heart, honey; that is a lot to manage. I hear you on your sadness for what you caused your loved ones. I struggle with that also.

It sounds to me that you are carefully pacing yourself, working on those problems to better your life. In its turn, that ripples out to embrace your family and loved ones.

Making amends is POWERFUL in healing all connected in that relationship, when allowed to. Plus, you model how important keeping your side of the street clean is in a person's life and growth.

Your family therapist should be able to diagnose CPTSD. Have yawl talked about what all contributes to your being in therapy? I don't need you to answer that question, if you prefer not to. I will respect your decision. It is simply a question that occurred to me reading your post. xoxox

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 09:29 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by HappyCrafter View Post
@sarahsweets

Bless your heart, honey; that is a lot to manage. I hear you on your sadness for what you caused your loved ones. I struggle with that also.

It sounds to me that you are carefully pacing yourself, working on those problems to better your life. In its turn, that ripples out to embrace your family and loved ones.

Making amends is POWERFUL in healing all connected in that relationship, when allowed to. Plus, you model how important keeping your side of the street clean is in a person's life and growth.

Your family therapist should be able to diagnose CPTSD. Have yawl talked about what all contributes to your being in therapy? I don't need you to answer that question, if you prefer not to. I will respect your decision. It is simply a question that occurred to me reading your post. xoxox
@HappyCrafter:
Our therapist was someone we started seeing when my daughter turned our life upside down and ran away. She also sees my son and other daughter. She has offered to see me but I had 16 years of therapy and wonder if its even worth it at this point.

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Default Aug 18, 2019 at 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by tevelygo View Post
Did the narcolepsy start after you started working harder?


Just because whenever I try to work full time I get too bad symptoms (EXTREME) and so I think it would really jeopardise my health severely if I kept pushing that

I had to give it up once already last year because of that and I'm having to again




I so ****ing hate to wait wait wait like forever (already long years) but my other option is kill myself or maim myself permanently (with permanent physical problems) if trying too hard ???
@tevelygo sorry for the delayed response.

I recall symptoms going back into my teen years. It has gotten progressively worse in my 30s (I'm 39 now). And yes, more work or more activity can definitely make it worse.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Oct 17, 2019 at 02:03 AM
  #18
Hello Happy Crafter
Firstly, I am intrigued by your name, please share what you love to craft.

I have both amnesia and chronic fatigue.

Amnesia: I can only remember small fragments of my life before the age of 10. Everything is just lost to me. I can't even remember friends' names, kids I had gone to school and grown up with for several years. I remember nearly nothing. I can remember a lot after the age of 10 but even so, not nearly as much as others seem to. I have not tried to recover the lost memories and I don't know if I will ever be ready to try to work on them. I did EMDR for about 8 months and during that time a lot of stuff I had forgotten came up, all of them bad memories: traumas, and it was incredibly difficult. That was nearly 2 years ago and I am still processing the stuff that came to the surface. I am scared that whenever I enter a new healthy phase in my life, like rach a new step, my psyche feels safe enough to let some memories rise to the surface. This is really destructive and wreaks havoc on my mental and physical health. Then I process it, move on, and the whole cycle starts again. Still, I think the EMDR helped and I do not regret it.

Fatigue: I am tired every day, all the time. I am sorry to hear that you are fatigued to the point that it is really affecting your routine. The only thing that I have ever done that helped my fatigue was regular exercise. There was a time where I was exercising for 1hr/5 days a week and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had energy and vitality. I have fallen off that wagon but I am glad that at least now I know something that works for me. I have tried four different antidepressants, I have had meds for my ADHD, I have eaten insanely healthy, I have done this and that therapy, etc, etc. The only thing that ever helped me was regular and consistent exercise. After about 4 months of exercising 5 hours a week, I felt like a different person. It was incredible.
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Default Oct 17, 2019 at 01:49 PM
  #19
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Originally Posted by RedwingedBlackBird View Post
Hello Happy Crafter
Firstly, I am intrigued by your name, please share what you love to craft.

I have both amnesia and chronic fatigue.

Amnesia: I can only remember small fragments of my life before the age of 10. Everything is just lost to me. I can't even remember friends' names, kids I had gone to school and grown up with for several years. I remember nearly nothing. I can remember a lot after the age of 10 but even so, not nearly as much as others seem to. I have not tried to recover the lost memories and I don't know if I will ever be ready to try to work on them. I did EMDR for about 8 months and during that time a lot of stuff I had forgotten came up, all of them bad memories: traumas, and it was incredibly difficult. That was nearly 2 years ago and I am still processing the stuff that came to the surface. I am scared that whenever I enter a new healthy phase in my life, like rach a new step, my psyche feels safe enough to let some memories rise to the surface. This is really destructive and wreaks havoc on my mental and physical health. Then I process it, move on, and the whole cycle starts again. Still, I think the EMDR helped and I do not regret it.

Fatigue: I am tired every day, all the time. I am sorry to hear that you are fatigued to the point that it is really affecting your routine. The only thing that I have ever done that helped my fatigue was regular exercise. There was a time where I was exercising for 1hr/5 days a week and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had energy and vitality. I have fallen off that wagon but I am glad that at least now I know something that works for me. I have tried four different antidepressants, I have had meds for my ADHD, I have eaten insanely healthy, I have done this and that therapy, etc, etc. The only thing that ever helped me was regular and consistent exercise. After about 4 months of exercising 5 hours a week, I felt like a different person. It was incredible.
@RedwingedBlackBird

Thank you!! Here's the link to one of my photo albums here: https://psychcentralforums.com/album.php?albumid=5445

I hear you on the amnesia and the fatigue. We do our best to keep moving forward. I have little pieces flutter to the top from time to time, also. I think that as I move through my issues and work to reduce my stress, a little more is freed up. It surfaces as a neutral memory, thankfully.

I am glad to hear the exercising helped you so much. I am slowly losing weight and with that, it is a bit easier for me to get more done around my apartment. That brings me much joy!!!

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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
Is that what happened to my memory? It is awful how little I remember from my life. Forget about education. I had always thought I had a learning disorder because I could not hold information. I told my T I have an awful memory and it is hard to fully recount events. I read and was told by another T that trauma in childhood when the brain is still growing causes scaring on the brain. It made sense to me.
I can relate. I do have a degree though so my memory was ok at one point.

A t told me I had a ''very poor'' memory and offered no explanation. No empathy. Just that blunt bs. So he didn't help.

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