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Angie84
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Default May 11, 2019 at 02:31 PM
  #1
Looking for help/advice. I have a diagnosis of Complex PTSD, however this is not a well known condition in the health board I'm in, intact it's not even in the book that psychiatrists and psychologists use for diagnosis. My psychologist and psychiatrist have been working with me for just over a year and we have been working on 'phase 1' of the recovery process of being stable and be in a place of safety both mentally and physically. Despite the efforts made, I continue to have suicidal thought and have had several close calls. Now they have given up on phase 1 so we're moving onto 'phase 2' looking at the traumatic events and trying to reprocess them. I am currently an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital, but it's only for 1 week for respite. I had my first trauma session yesterday, and all we did was a timeline of my life to see how far back it went and where it peaked and dipped etc. This has affected me more than I thought it would and I'm really struggling, despite talking to the staff on the ward. I even cut myself tonight, they gave me my car keys and knew how I was feeling, but I still got them so hospital isn't a safe place, and my home situation is complicated with constant triggers so I'm not safe there either.
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Default May 12, 2019 at 06:44 PM
  #2
Hi Angie84,

I want you to know you are not alone!

I am happy that you have some form of support. I think it is important to work with someone you trust and feel safe around. Do you feel safe with your treatment team? Safe enough to process things? While I understand that your treatment team has spent 1 year trying to develop a safe place so that you can begin to process trauma - it is important that you only continue IF you have some degree of safety or comfort / trustworthy person you can lean on.

I just wanted to say that I don't feel safe in the world. I do, however, have a safe place that I have developed over the years - it is age regression. I literally wear diapers, snuggle teddy bears, wear onesies, build blankey forts, color, read bedtime stories, listen to ASMR videos, etc. It is amazing.

I wonder if there is something that you can identify that provides you with a safety that cannot be matched anywhere else in your life. Anything come to mind?

If not, that is okay.

You can find it. There has to be something that provides you a level of safety. Perhaps it is a location. Perhaps it is a color, perhaps it is a smell, or a taste. (Self-soothing is a great skill, check it out). Have you ever tried a weighted blanket? They are AMAZING! Pricey at first, but if you think about it - it's a blanket that should last for a very long time and it can be used every-night. I recommend trying one out and seeing if you like it enough to buy.

If you have not already done so, ask your treatment team for ways to discover a safe place for you.

How are you feeling today?

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 04:10 PM
  #3
OH GOD about safety. When I stopped feeling safe even at home with FAMILY in the family house (I temporarily moved back home), just because my brother has his stupid rages that he didn't even have previously like this, and just because my sister's husband decided to get at me out of ****ing nowhere on a ****ing Sunday in a really malicious way, my lifesaver was to create a total emergency plan for finding a truly safe place. Yes I did manage to think up one. That helped me survive. I'm a tiny bit better off, now I can again fight back without going overboard (I so did go overboard with the husband of my sister, it was extreme crazy, but it was either that or death), but it's good to keep that safe place in mind.

I do think this is absolutely an important thing to know that you have access to such a place. And I don't mean a blanket or a nice smell. I mean an actual physical location where you know you WILL NOT be attacked again in whatever way you are sensitive to it with your particular variant of traumas.



And the other thing I initially had to do to survive was being willing to drop my relationship with my sister if it were to came to that or my brother even. BEING WILLING to drop every dead weight so you do not TOTALLY SINK. You IMO have to be very clear on what you are willing to let go of just so you can survive. That besides the absolutely safe place to go to is necessary. Again IMO.

Luckily I didn't have to drop my family relationships in the end (except my sister's husband but who the **** cares about that anymore).
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 08:46 PM
  #4
Hi Angie, sorry to hear you are struggling with ptsd and having a hard time feeling "safe". I am currently doing a therapy that is still rather new and I don't know if this is offered in Scotland. However, you can copy it and show it to the treatment providers you are working with and ask about it. I have myself been doing this therapy, I am still rather new to it but I HAVE noticed a difference.

Talking about trauma can actually bring up some very uncomfortable feelings and a person often avoids talking about their traumas because they often reexperience how incredibly uncomfortable the experience was for them. This therapy is very different because you don't just talk about the different events, instead you revisit them using a technique that uses eye movements that help you process these events and revisiting them with eye movements in a way that give YOU more power and control over how they affect you. Honestly, I have noticed how much this process greatly reduces the way I relive and feel affected by the experiences that I never processed. We never forget things that happen to us, however, we can remember them without reliving them as if they are happening in the NOW and experiencing our physical reactions to them.

I do get tired after a session, yet I also tend to feel like I lost a heavy coat I had not realized I had been wearing too. I have noticed improvements that with all the therapy I have had over the years, did not feel the kind of relief I have felt doing this therapy. It doesn't matter if it's complex ptsd or not. PTSD is PTSD and what you are really looking for is help to finally process and reduce the affects of whatever traumas you have carried in you unprocessed.

Here the link explaining the therapy I am doing called Accelerated Resolution Therapy

accelerated resolution therapy youtube - Yahoo Video Search Results

This link provides several different discussions about this therapy so it's a good link where you can listen to different people talk about it. It's a good link to show your treatment providers as well so THEY can learn about it and if they are not using it, it's high time they learned about it and made it part of their treatment plans for patients struggling with PTSD.
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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 06:15 PM
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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 06:19 PM
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I'm sorry you don't feel safe anywhere. That must be a tough way to live.
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Default Dec 03, 2019 at 06:46 PM
  #7
Hi Angie84. Sorry to hear you're not feeling safe. I hope you are doing better today.

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Default Dec 09, 2019 at 03:40 AM
  #8
Welcome! Please start, or add to, threads if it helps. I too have CPTSD (although only PTSD is recognised in the diagnostic manuals at this point). AT this moment I am in hospital for treatment for it. My biggest problem at the moment is finding a safe place (long story). I only allowed myself to be admitted because I was sure I wouldn't survive another day without the proper care. Do you have access to a room of your own, or a place in nature that helps you feel safer. The essential first step in recovery from PTSD is establishing safety. It is almost impossible to significantly heal while still feeling unsafe. Are you safe from yourself or others right now? Hang in there, support is available, including the lovely people on this forum.

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