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tevelygo
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tevelygo has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: Hungary
Posts: 191
5 yr Member
26 hugs
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 03:44 PM
  #1
I need to post it somewhere, I can't just keep it in a file on my phone.

Addressed to the person who last added to my cPTSD



I totally hate you you let me take it seriously trying to be close with you while you knew I was already traumatised I ****ing hate it the whole world is just even more evil and dark and ****ing hate that you tried to look so good and nice then you do this this whole ****ing world is truly evil and I got to do something about that!!!! Things are simply getting worse and worse it doesn't matter what I do no one ****ing cares to actually take it seriously everyone is just ****ing shallow and you the most I never tried to emotionally connect like that before with anyone like with you but you just felt like changing around on a whim I bet you do the same with your mom don't be surprised if she dislikes it W was better because she at least didn't pretend closeness like you I'm sick of all this holding me back I want to get rid of this but this world is just evil so I cannot
And no matter how hard I tried to find something good or strive for good actually the harder I tried the worse it turned So what the **** do I have for an option, nothing, I can never get rid of this kind of negativity, my body shakes and trembles daily until it's almost a seizure my teeth chatter daily I have nausea regularly I'm close to vomiting and all this because of this evil in this world and I can't get past what you all did This all is just a very bad dream let me wake up Niff decided to not believe me on my trauma you decided to drop supporting me as soon as you thought you can get away with it GD decided to use her old imagined grudge to spite me after she first acknowledged my problem with W was valid that it was indeed traumatic and not my fault M just pushed covert narc **** in my face when she felt like it and overall I just can't get past these traumas because if I try to look for support or for emotional connection I just always get a new trauma and I'm running out of my truly last resources to try to get past them without any emotional connection
And actually no one can bear this burden from me for long but what to do then
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