advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
scaryjam823
New Member
scaryjam823 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
10 yr Member
Trig Oct 31, 2019 at 02:15 AM
  #1
My story may be long but I will try to keep it as short as possible, unfortunately I have been dealt with a lot of wrong doings and I feel the back story to my life is important to understanding the current issues.

When I was young (around 7 or so) my parents got divorced. From the age 8-13 I was physically abused by my mother. [
Possible trigger:
This sent me into a deep depression as a child, which resulted in me not wanting to live anymore. I withdrew from social activities in school, any and all friends. There were many times I hid in my room to get away from my mom. Blocking the door so she couldn't get in.

Eventually I just stopped going to school in the 8th grade, which she allowed to happen under the guise of me being "home-schooled" This of course was never the case and she proceeded to forge documents and fill out homework assignments so she wouldn't get into trouble.

One day I stood up to her (around 13) and that is when that abuse ended. She moved into my grandmothers basement and I move upstairs with my grandmother and got some relief, only to have it replaced with another painful experience. I became a recluse. I wouldn't leave the house, when I did I suffered from extreme anxiety. I spent my time playing video games, watching the history channel, researching anything I could just to learn as much as I possibly could.

During this time I had no interaction with my father, that is until one day (around 16 years old) I heard a song by nickelback and I felt it was best to have him in my life. This turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.

I started going to his house on the weekends he was suppose to pick us up. He would take us to parties every weekend, at the time it was fun, retrospectively his actions cannot be justified. I moved in with him for a little while, he would get drunk every weekend and threaten me. Even threatened to send me to boarding school because I was such a "misfit" In his eyes if I didn't grow up exactly how he did then I was a lazy loser. One day he tried to fight me and that's when my mom came and got me, I then moved out.

From the ages of 17 - 20 I bounced around from different family members houses. Until I moved into my aunts home. Now me and my aunt and my cousins were my closet family in my eyes. So for once I finally felt at home. I helped do everything I could in the house and everything felt right. Until my cousins aged, they grew away from me. Grown to hate me I suppose, I still haven't spoken to them in 7 years.

One day I found my aunt was cheating on her husband. I confronted her about this and told my uncle what was going on. After that day they proceeded to make life a living hell there. I started sleep walking and harming myself in my sleep. Eventually I started suffering panic attacks because of the way they treated me. One night I had enough and I moved away at 3 am without telling them.

It wasn't until a week later that they finally noticed I was missing and asked about me. Nothing hurt more than that. Afterwards I bounced around housing again and I became deeply depressed. I had more bad events happen in my life and I attempted suicide 10 times at that point.

I made things right with my dad and started working with him (another major mistake) I was living in my grandmothers basement at this time. I lived there for about 1-2 years. My grandfather was still alive at this time and towards the end of me living there he started having stroke and was literally losing his mind.

One day she was screaming for me to come help her and my grandfather was attacking her, this wasn't the first time this had happened but it was the first time I was around. I reacted (maybe in a way I shouldn't have) by throwing him to the ground. Afterwards I was arrested, the reasoning was because I wasn't in the room when he attacked her I shouldn't have defended her.

After all that settled I moved away again to another family home and lived there for a year. Where it was sold out from under us and caused me to lose a lot of belongings, cost $15k in debt and forced me to live with my dad again. This was 3 years ago.

Living with him wasn't much of a problem but it was taking some time to come out from the debt. The first two years me and my fiance weren't making enough to really tackle the debt. The third year we both finally started making some good money and in that third year we managed to pay off $15k of the then $20k debt we had.

Unfortunately over the last two years there my dads alcoholism had gotten the better of him. He started drinking more and more in the week. To the point he was drinking 1-2 cases of beer every single day. This led to a lot of fights between us.

I started becoming reclusive again, hiding in my room to avoid him. This took a very large strain on me and my fiances relationship. He told me several times in the past few months I basically needed to quit spending money and move out. He would get made any time I bought something, even if it was something I would need.

I sold my truck two years ago to help with the bills and he got extremely pissed off at me for buying a vehicle last month. He would get mad that I had money but he didn't. He would get mad that I had money for food but he didn't. There are so many things like this that are ridiculous it so almost too much to list.

I stopped talking to my grandmother for a while after her selling the house out from under us, But I talked to her again about a month ago. We made things right and she offered a place for me to live. So I finally got out of that nightmare, but it has lasting damage currently.

In the process of me moving here I made my other uncle made, his son mad and my grandmas sister mad.

My uncle was going to buy the house and sell it for profit, he was using his son as leverage to buy it from my grandmother. They both hold grudges against me for standing up to my grandfather. His son came down here and tried to start a fight with me the day before I moved in because I was cleaning the place up. I threw some old stuff my grandfather had out and I guess he wanted some of it but I had no idea about it. I told him he needed permission to be on this land and he is currently trespassing and stealing property. That made him more angry and he kept threatening to fight me.

Eventually his dad heard the yelling and came down and got him away, he talked reasonably to me despite hating me, so I give him props for that. I told him I had no problems with him or his son and I didn't want to fight either one of them, that if they wanted to come down and talk they could. If they couldn't do that I just wanted them to stay away if they were going to have attitudes towards me. I told him my concerns about his son stealing, destroying my property etc.

I felt like we left on a decent note but he is a two faced liar so after that interaction I am not sure where we really stand. Unfortunately they are neighbors to me, about 30 yards away so this is part of why I am here posting.

The following day my grandmothers sister came down to get the rest of her daughters stuff (she lived in the house before me) and she started picking a fight with my grandmother. Talking trash about me etc. Now her daughter nearly ruined this place, I had to bleach the walls for 30 hours before they were clean. She was evicted 3 months ago but wouldn't leave and when she did she wouldn't get all of her stuff.

Anyways we got into it and it just made her more mad, she started pushing me and wanting to fight me. So I pushed her back in self defense, not hard and she didn't get hurt from it. I just wanted to show her she cannot put her hands on me. Eventually she got all her stuff and left.

Now the reason I am here about all this is because of my history I have suffered PTSD, extreme anxiety and I am currently having really bad rumination. This moving was suppose to be a relief and its currently been a nightmare.

In both the recent events with my Uncle and my granmothers sister, the thoughts just keep replaying over and over inside my head. What I should've done instead, what I could've said. I wished I had called the cops in both instances but I didn't. Now I currently am afraid to leave the house because with him living so close I am afraid he will come down here and mess with my property.

Every little noise I here I check all outside the house to make sure he isn't down here. I wake up pissed off about the whole situation. It consumes my thoughts all day long and I cannot get it to stop. I can't sleep until really late at night until I know they're asleep. It's effecting my daily life and I just don't know what to do.

I know I need a therapist for all my past trauma, but right now I cannot afford one and I really need some help right now. Anything that could possibly help me is appreciated.

I just want to thank anyone who has read all of this, I know it was a lot but I tried to skim through as much as possible to make it as short as possible. I just have a lot of past damage that needs to be understood for it all to make sense.

Last edited by bluekoi; Nov 02, 2019 at 11:55 AM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger code.
scaryjam823 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, zapatoes
 
Thanks for this!
Skeezyks

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Nov 02, 2019 at 03:30 PM
  #2
Hello scaryjam: It appears you're actually a 5 year member although this is your first post. So... a belated welcome to Psych Central to you.

I'm sorry I don't think there are any particular suggestions I can offer with regard to what you are experiencing. (Perhaps other PC members will have some suggestions they'll wish to share.) However here are links to 8 articles, from PC's archives, that (hopefully) may be of help (just in case you haven't already read them):

How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

Dealing With Unhealthy Family & Friend Relationships: A Brief How-To

How To Care For Yourself When Dealing With Difficult People

5 Ways to Maintain Boundaries with Difficult People

How to Deal with People Who Repeatedly Violate Your Boundaries | Happily Imperfect

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/unsha...-toxic-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-ru...d-how-to-stop/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-tips...dium=popular17

I hope you've found PC to be of benefit.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
scaryjam823
New Member
scaryjam823 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
10 yr Member
Default Nov 02, 2019 at 11:24 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello scaryjam: It appears you're actually a 5 year member although this is your first post. So... a belated welcome to Psych Central to you.

I'm sorry I don't think there are any particular suggestions I can offer with regard to what you are experiencing. (Perhaps other PC members will have some suggestions they'll wish to share.)
I hope you've found PC to be of benefit.

I know my situation is rather complex and should I ever be able to afford a therapist I am definitely going to pursue that path to resolve all this damage. I will check those links out and see if they are any help, thank you for them! I honestly don’t remember making this account several years ago, but I was searching for a forum to ask for help on. I found this one, when I go to register it says I already had an account! Figured I would just use it even though I don’t remember when I’ve ever been here lol.
scaryjam823 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2019 at 06:54 PM
  #4
Welcome to pc

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:46 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.